How to handle rejection

[RedBlu]

I have just been rejected. I applied for a job in the team I already work in, there was a new vacancy for a job which is one grade higher than mine.

The interview went really well, I thought I stood a good chance.

No, got told this morning I didn't get it as there are two candidates from outside the team that have a particular skill that I don't have and it's a skill that can only be learned from experience, so if no one will give me the chance, how am I meant to learn?!

I am absolutely gutted and have spent most of the morning in tears (not in the office today luckily!) The impression I was given during the interview was very positive and I honestly thought I would get it. I work with the people who interviewed me and they had said before I would be well suited to this role.

Anyway, my boss wants to discuss it with me tomorrow in person. I am being admittedly rather unprofessional and right now, don't want to discuss it at all. I am sort of in shock as everything that was said pointed to me getting it.

Whichever one of the two candidates gets the job will have no experience in our work as we are a very niche team. I am totally expecting my boss to offer me the "olive branch" of training the new recruit and I have already made the decision that there is not a chance in hell that I will be doing that. If I am not good enough for the job, I am not good enough to train the person that is.

The other factor that has pissed me off, is that we are a small team, everyone knows I went for the job, so they will all know I didn't get it. Also, vacancies rarely come up, so this was my one chance for promotion and it gone. Who knows how long it will take for another opportunity, which leaves me with really not many other options than to look for another job.

Anyway, as I said - I know I am being a huge cry baby - so any tips on how to get through this meeting tomorrow whereby my boss will attempt to explain his reasons for rejecting me? I want to get my point across that I am surprised by his decision without coming across unprofessional and like a massive bitch.

It happened to me and I agree it felt like they didn't appreciate my skills.
I am long gone from that company and people who interviewed me were demoted

I think you have right to ask your boss to give you few days to take it all in.
Are you able to find job outside of your company? Or do you want to or have to stay put for the time being?

Ideally, stay with the company (it's a huge company, so there is potential to move around), but if I had to, I would go outside. It's a shame, as I like what I do and I like my team, but the chance of another vacancy coming up is very remote. The team is small and the turnover is virtually non-existent. I don't want to spend years waiting around for my "next opportunity".

You do have to get over it. It's a bummer, and happens all the time and is likely to happen again. There could be dozens of reasons why another candidate was chosen.

The decision has been taken so your objective tomorrow shouldn't be about registering a complaint, or overturning the decision. You want to use tomorrow to reinforce how you want to move on in the company, and to find out what you have to do to be considered for any future positions that arise. Ask constructive questions - where do they see the skill gaps? were there any questions where your answer might have been more to the point or comprehensive? What could you have done differently? Then try to steer the conversation round to how the team will develop, what changes and opportunities are on the horizon, what are the plans. Listen carefully - you might disagree with the answers but these are the perceptions of the decision maker. It is these perceptions that you have to change to succeed next time.

Most of all, welcome the new recruit. Support them as much as you can. Really, life is too short to make for more aggro than you need.

I'm sorry to hear this, I know how you feel, a similar thing happened to me and I can remember being devastated that I had not got the job, I was so disappointed. I licked my wounds, held my head high and listened to the interview feedback, which was painful and although everyone was very kind and sympathetic, I knew deep down that I would be finding a new job.When I look back it was the best thing to happen to me because it gave me the kick up the backside to leave.

I wouldn't be trying to change their decision, its their decision.

What I want to get across is, the reason they have given me for not getting the job is random. Its that I do not have a particular skill, they knew I did not have this skill before interviewing me, I have worked with them for years. They would have known the other two candidates did have this skill from their CV, so if this was something they wanted, why interview me at all?

And as I said, whichever one gets it doesn't have any knowledge of our team so would need full training.

It just feels like I was interviewed out of politeness and they knew I didn't have what they wanted.

I am also somewhat suspicious that by hiring someone from outside the team, they don't then have to hire again to replace my grade.

Red, I have been in a similar position.

If I were you I would steer well clear of any comment about their reasons for picking someone else (iincluding questioning the other person's lack of experience, the fact you were being interviewed to make up the numbers, etc) The reasons they may give may be ones that give closure to them, but may not be satisfactory to you, but that's corporate life. Sometime their logic isn't your logic. Its frustrating but there you go.

As previously mentioned, move forward very quickly from the whole thing. if you really do see no prospect of a different avenue for promotion, then definitely look at other opportunities elsewhere in your organisation or outside.

even a failed interview is good experience in resilience, thinking on your feet, getting out of your comfort zone. Treat it as a starting point to the job you will get, then your eventual success will be all the sweeter. I went through it for 2 years and did eventually get to my next step up the ladder, it's worth it in the end!

If I were you, I'd use this as an opportunity to show your commitment to the team. Express your disappointment positively and ask for the opportunity to develop the skill that is missing.

I too have been in your position The decisions been made so looking upset and bitter won't do you any favours It's awful but after a while the pain of the rejection does fade

Your logic is all weird. They wanted this skill, you don't have it but they think that otherwise you're suited to the roll, so they interviewed you along side someone with the skill.
Maybe they interviewed you first and you were the leading candidate so all sounded positive. Then they interviewed the other person and decided on balance they were so good that their possession of that skill swung it.

If I were you I'd go in to the meeting with a career development objective. What do you need to get your next job? Experience of specific tasks? Training? Whatever it is go in with that objective. No need to hide the fact you won't stay in your current told forever. There's no harm in your boss knowing you see yourself in a higher position on day three years time.

Ask if you can see your interview notes? and you might see there were other areas/responses you gave that were weaker than the successful candidate's. It might not just have been down to the one skill.
The fact your boss is taking time to discuss this with you shows that they do value you which is always good!

How did you get on?