How do I get Dh back to work?

[0urkid]

I don't know what advice I'm hoping for really. He was made redundant in March. He'd been in the same IT role for 20+ years. He gave himself a month off then he promised he would start job hunting. We have been living off his redundancy pay off. We've paid some debts off, bought some household essentials and have been living off the rest.
We have 3 kids and I work pt. he seems to have lost his confidence. He's only been on one interview. I've suggested that he attends job fairs, goes to agencies, looks in our local paper which is renowned for its job section. He just sits checking on the Internet. I've even been searching jobs using his qualifications, salary wanted etc and when things come up he always has some excuse as to why it wouldn't suit him to apply.
He told me we only have about 3 months worth of savings to live off. God knows what we do then. He keeps deflecting by saying I need a better job. I'm not putting myself down but I've no qualifications and have always found work that fits around his work and our childcare needs. He's the one with the higher earning potential and qualifications. Am I wrong to say that he needs to pull his finger out? I'm worried. Did anyone else go through similar and it worked out?

Also to be blunt. I need a break from him and away from under my feet. I'm lazier when he's at home as he's just in the way. I've told him that he can wallow for the rest of the week. Come Monday I'm on his case big time. I just have no idea how to motivate him. He's very passive resistant.

This sounds really tough and I sympathise.

With respect, how much do you know about his job or line of work? Some of your suggestions may not be conducive towards him finding work - of course they could be, as well - I just don't know!

Is your going fulltime, him part-time and taking more hone responsibility an option?

Thanks for the replies ladies. Shining you're probably right. I just find it annoying that every suggestion is batted back at me. I'm trying to be helpful but probably am failing badly.

Penfold I am (hopefully) going to learn to drive after Christmas. That will give me a wider choice of job opportunities (I hope I hope I hope). I would definitely work more hours. But when it comes down to it there's no way he'd work part time when he could earn the most (potentially). If he got a job and I could earn more in a different job it would be so much better for the family. To make matters worse my tax credits have been stopped because they say I've received all we're entitled to. Dh thinks it'll be sorted out next July. If I could get by without claiming them then I'd rather do so. It just all seems to be happening at once. Oh and unrelated but making me reevaluate stuff is my own work situation. I work in a pub. Twice my workmate has told me that I've been seen giving free drinks away. It's not true and she has been sworn to secrecy so I can't even defend myself. I'm in work tomorrow and debating with myself whether to speak to my boss who I get on with and has always said he thinks I work hard and good at my job. Sorry I digress. Just feeling stressed with everything at the mo.

Bump

What specific IT skills does he have? Is he on Linked In or can he attend any networking events to get his name known?

Lot of agencies connect with you on linked in and then when a job comes up they contact you directly. The reverse is that when you become available to work you contact them.

He is possibly enjoying his time at home without the responsibility of work but clearly that does have to stop at some point if you need the money.

That sounds tough, I'm sorry. It does sound as if he's avoiding the subject. You've given him fair warning that you're going to be on his case. It sounds as if he knows that his earning potential is far greater than yours so to tell you that you need a better job when you have worked to suit him and the kids is rather mean spirited.

There are all sorts of agencies, including those which specialise in IT positions.

As for your jobjob, I'd definitely ssomething. If your employer has been talking about you to a colleague, that is incredibly unprofessional and a breach of trust. I'd nip that in the bud asap and let it be known how disappointed you are.

Sorry to return weeks later but there were no further replies for a while. Thanks for the advice ladies. I spoke frankly to my boss. He was great and told me he trusts me completely. I also accidentally found out who said it. It's a customer whose wife worked there previously. She was caught stealing and he was found to be helping her nick stock. I've never had much to do with him so no idea what his problem is.

As for dh. I think he's scared. He was in the same role for 20+ years and worked his way up. He never had to go to a proper interview before. He had one a few weeks ago but heard nothing back. So now that's set him back. I've told him to get a temp job over the next couple of months and Christmas through an agency. Maybe someone will see how good he is and offer him a job that way? Oh I don't know. I need him to get out of the house.