Anyone been medically retired? Need some advice please :( (sorry it's long)

[PropaneAndPropaneAccessories]

Not sure if this is the best board for this - I'll ask to move it if there's somewhere better. I have NCed for obvious reasons and am being a little vague on the specifics, sorry - hopefully what I have said is clear enough, though.

I have been ill for a few years with an illness that is unpredictable/variable. It is also an 'invisible disability' and to some extent the symptoms are subjective... not like a broken leg or something where it's obvious, IYSWIM. I'm just saying that as it does explain why my employers did take a while to accept the diagnosis, there was a lot of misunderstanding about what the illness actually does (why they couldn't just google it, I don't know...). I have also been asked to provide more recent proof of my illness as the diagnosis was a few years ago and that's not recent enough apparently. Even though said diagnosis has not changed.

Anyway, I came pretty close to getting medically retired a couple of years ago because my attendance was awful. I was in a horrendous state emotionally because of this obviously - not least because I was the sole earner at that time. We eventually got around it by reducing my hours to the bare minimum, and allowing some Reasonable Adjustments to my duties which ATOS helped them figure out (they accepted that my condition counts as a disability). This has helped - my job is like retail, it involves some desk work but can be very physical too, lots of lifting and being on my feet a lot. It actually helped so much that as well as my attendance improving hugely, I didn't bother reapplying for DLA (I had HRM and MRC for 1 year) - I REALLY regret this now, as in hindsight the good phase was just that - a phase. :(

Anyway, as hinted above, I am now not well again. I've gone back after several weeks off and I am no better. I'm really, really thinking that I just can't do it any more, TBH. I have been told that there aren't really any more RAs they can make - quite understandably, they say that any more allowances like being relieved from certain (very physical) duties would basically mean I'm no longer fulfilling the role I was hired for. We explored redeployment but there aren't any suitable options.

I have no life now. I do my job and I'm in pain after every shift even when I'm in a good phase. On my days off I fear doing anything that will mess up the next shift (because I'll be in more pain, even if not enough to phone in sick - I grin and bear it A LOT). I'm just starting to feel like it's not worth it (not least because I now only make about £100-150 a month after childcare) given the amount of pain and stress it causes. Even though I do actually enjoy the job, I also have depression and anxiety and my work does have a negative impact on that (not vice versa - my performance doesn't suffer, I'm very careful about that) as well as positive.

Sorry I'll try and get to the point now... Although nobody's mentioned it out loud yet (we have started 'procedures' but it's still at the monitoring/target setting phase), I have come to the conclusion that now, if they actually just say they can't employ me anymore, I'll just accept it. Not like if it had happened a couple of years ago when I would've been devastated and tried to fight it. I'll just say ok then, fair enough. I never thought I'd feel like this. But my friends - especially those who've had friends with similar illnesses - are absolutely adamant that I must not just resign, as I would be screwed. So I'll keep going obviously.

But I have no idea what actually happens, which is why I've posted this. My concern is financial (I have a good network of friends now and some occupational therapy inspired hobbies, and I'm not worried about becoming isolated or feeling I lack purpose, which certainly would've happened before). DH earns below the average wage, and with mine we've been just above the threshold for most benefits and TBH it's been a massive struggle financially. I had to bite the bullet and start tutoring to bring in a tiny amount of extra cash (I've got 1 pupil but a few more potentials) - which of course adds another layer of complication. It's obviously completely different dragging my aching body on the bus to work (via childcare) and doing a physical job for several hours, to having a child sit at my table for half an hour in my own home... but if I got medically retired, would I have to give that up too? I really enjoy it and it's had a really good effect on my mental state.

What a mess (both the situation and this post!). Thank you for reading.

Thanks unweaved. It sounds more feasible if it's worked out that way. I also just remembered I need to get on with filling in the housing form so will get on with that tomorrow.

Struggling today, had to ask to go home as I could barely stand and the pain is really high. Deputy manager sat me down before I left and said I really needed to think about what this means as it's clearly not working out etc (I'm a bit surprised she brought it up TBH as she knows that the manager is dealing with it, and she's not my line manager either, the other deputy is)... and then she told me not to cry

Guess I wasn't as 'zen' as I'd hoped I would be when faced with the reality of getting closer to losing my job :( problem is, I actually do love my job, great colleagues, great community and lots of exciting stuff that I'm a part of. It makes me wish I just worked in a boring place as then I wouldn't miss it. But the fact is I just can't physically do it.

Seeing the GP on Monday. I'm going to have to be really, really honest.

If you can work, want to work, but just find your current job too physically demanding - why can't you start looking for another more suitable job?

If the GP agrees that work is making you I'll - which certainly sounds the case - you should be able to get signed off and then use that time to look for another job.

I can't comment or advise about all the benefits stuff but personally I would stop trying to 'flog a dead horse' with this job - it's not right for you as you can't perform it adequately without making yourself I'll so you need to leave.

I think you're right about the dead horse TBH. :(

I had a proper talk with my manager the other day as she could see I was ill and we had a conversation about the other tasks that make me more ill, and she said what I expected about there not being any other 'reasonable adjustments' left to make. My mum has suggested asking to avoid the particularly difficult tasks just for the longer timetable slots (90mins rather than an hour) which may count as 'reasonable' but not sure it would make a huge amount of difference really.

Would I actually have any hope of getting another job with a disability and a ridiculously heavy absence file? I do sometimes see jobs advertised and think ooh, that'd be nice...

I'm not sure if I could manage any payrolled job now TBH (at the moment anyway). I think if I wasn't working I could pursue getting more pupils (I now have 3 but don't think I should chase any more ATM, but there are various places I could advertise more and probably get a few) as it's so flexible and easy and there's not even any travel involved.

Expanding tutoring sounds like a great idea - don't write yourself off just because this job isn't working for you!

There are lots of different opportunities or ways to make a living that don't have to involve physical work or even commuting. Just because this isn't the job for you doesn't mean you've failed and certainly shouldn't stop you trying for other opportunities if you are interested in them. You can easily explain your absence record to a prospective employer, demonstrate that it's because the old job wasn't appropriate and that you won't have similar issues in a new role.

The lengths your current employer has gone to to try to keep you should be a huge boost - you've obviously got some fantastic qualities / experience / knowledge - just not for this particular role.

Give yourself some breathing room with sick leave if possible, accept that this is the end if the road with this job and then you can focus your efforts on what you CAN do instead of tying yourself up on knots about what you are struggling with.

Aw, thank you so much fusion

I do need to try and reframe this. I've always wanted to tutor, and it took me years and years to actually get the guts to try... if I could do more of it, I would be very happy. As one door closes, etc. I'm part of a different community now (being vague as it'll link to my usual MN name if I'm not) which is what finally persuaded me to give it a go, and there could well be different bigger opportunities there when I'm ready to take them.

I AM good at my job when I'm well enough to be there :) I'm involved in something big that I initiated/planned and that's been a massive boost which has really helped keep me going on tough days (and also what makes me sad when I think I might have to leave). I'm hoping I can stick around long enough to see that through TBH, it's not too far away thankfully.

I'm in receipt of ESA. I put my claim in once my entitlement to SSP ran out. It was processed really quickly, although you don't get paid for the first week of your claim. All I needed to provide was my GP certificate and the form (think its called SSP1) from my employer.
After a few weeks I got called to an assessment. At that time I was having counselling through Mind, and picked up a leaflet there from the charity Hear Us, who help with benefit claims etc, and someone from there came to the assessment with me. I took evidence from my consultants (I'm seeing three different teams) plus my meds as proof. I've now been put in the higher rate support group, and have just had this backdated from the date of my original claim.
My support worker from Hear Us has helped me fill in the PIP form, which I'm waiting to hear back from. This is not means tested. I think you can also earn upto £100 pw and still receive ESA, albeit at a lower rate, but I'm not entirely sure so don't take that as gospel!
There are two types of ESA, income and contributions based. They are paid at different rates. My ESA is made up of both, you need to get an element of income related to get free prescriptions and dental treatment.
I would advise anyone getting ESA to take amy forms, certificates etc into the job centre and have them sent internally as post to DWP sits in a queue for ages.
Technically I still have a job, although I've been off for 13 months, and I'm now starting the process of retiring early on grounds of ill health. This is a process that takes ages. So far I've informed my line manager and HR, and have an appointment with Occupational Health in a couple of weeks. If they won't support me with my decision (management are not being very helpful at the moment) then I will resign, rather than be fired.
HTH and hasn't been too much waffle for you!

Thanks so much cherry - and it wasn't waffly! It's really helpful. It's kind of you to share that with me. Hope the retirement process goes smoothly.

I keep going round in circles with it but had a good chat with my best friend today which helped. I can't really talk about it much IRL as obviously at work it's hard, and I haven't spoken about it to my mum yet. I know she will be gutted (partly because it's a job she was absolutely thrilled about me getting, and because I'm doing well she reckons it's a career for me), and she said the other day that I have to save all my energy for work and put that first :( I don't know, sometimes I think she is right, but it doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere anyway!

Think I'll make some notes for the GP tomorrow. Got a lot to discuss and I'm bound to forget all some of it.

Been referred to some kind of Proactive Care service. No idea if that's just a local thing or not. Didn't really get anywhere deciding what to do about work in the short term, obviously nobody else can make the decision for me! I'm not going in today as I've now got a virus on top of everything else anyway (may explain why I felt so awful the last few days - any bugs just make the regular symptoms worse) but no idea about the rest of the week. Ugh, so frustrated.

On my reading of this thread, this job is unfortunately no longer suitable for you.
You are good at tutoring, you enjoy it, it earns you money, there is scope for you to do more, yet be flexible and overall it has many benefits over your current job.
If you have the opportunity to expand your tutoring, I'd say go for it. I suspect when you come to a decision about it, you will feel a weight lift off your shoulders.

I'm really starting to accept that now, Iwas. Thank you for your kind words

I think you're also right about the weight off my shoulders. I am often anxious anyway and sometimes the uncertainty gets to me. But I really can't just quit, I know people who have done that and ended up with no sick pay or anything. So I think I have to just get signed off, which feels horribly dishonest.

Mind you it may be taken out of my hands anyway due to the virus... if I'm off for the next shift as well (likely) then I'll already have exceeded my absence target for the next 10 weeks. With these conditions a simple virus always turns nasty and it's just impossible to work with it. Have cancelled my pupils for the week too which has never happened before - that's only due to having the virus though, not the regular symptoms which I can manage tutoring in spite of IYSWIM.

BTW I thought I should clarify as I can't remember if I did before - my tutoring is totally unrelated to my day job, I don't work in either the subject field or in education.

Mini update. Still off sick (tried going back and lasted a couple of hours, but kind of glad they could see I was trying and how much pain I was in, IYSWIM). They are going to refer me to Occ Health now, rather than waiting until I've had another test, because I still haven't heard from the hospital about it and it's becoming clearer that I really can't manage regardless of whether or not I get the additional diagnosis.

This is getting very real.