Dreading going back to work

[AureliaLilly]

In three days time I'll be returning to work full time after almost 6 months off on maternity leave. I'm dreading it.
This is my first baby and I always assumed I'd be happy and ready to go back to work but I've loved every minute of maternity leave.
My family live miles away and I've had no support with my baby but I've really enjoyed being off work.
Now I'll be handing over my baby to a complete stranger as my little one is going to a childminder full time (8:30am to 6ish).
There's no one I can really talk to about feeling sad.
My friends with children all work part time or are stay at home mums. They've been kind but I've had comments about "putting my career first". They don't realise how lucky they are to have husbands who earn enough so they don't have to work and I really have to bite my tongue when they say "being a mum is the hardest job in the world though." My job is high pressured, I manage a large team and I definitely find it harder than looking after my son.
My family don't think I should work full time with a baby so I don't get any help from them. My husband isn't sympathetic either as he reminds me he had to go back to work full time after 2 weeks. I know I need to get a grip and get on with it but I feel so sad about leaving my baby.
How have other mums who have gone back to work full time found it?
I keep thinking I'll never have this time again and before I know it they'll be at school.
On top of that I'm worried about not being able to do my job as I've been out of it for so long. Please tell me it's not as bad as I'm expecting!

I feel your pain. I know that nothing I say will make you feel better on the day you go back to work, but it will get better on day 2, and even better on day 3 etc.

I am going back in 10 days and I feel extremely sad about leaving my little one. The same as you and your little one, we've spent all day (and most of the nights) hanging out with each other, getting to know each other and just having fun over the last 6 months. I think it simply comes down to I'm going to miss him, and I feel guilty that he will miss me.

I take solace in a few thoughts that keep me going and keep my tears at bay:

• Lots of children (including me) had 2 full time working parents and I've never heard any child say they wished their parents had been at home with them longer when they were babies. Kids are adaptable and resilient.
• This will be way harder on me than it will be on my LO.
• I have chosen my childcare provider with all my LO's best interests at heart.
• I will spend all my time outside of work with my LO, and give him my undivided attention, quality is better than quantity
• The benefits we will get as a family from me going back to work will make our lives better in the long run, and I know that being a parent is about making sacrifices for your family.

But please know that I too will cry on my first day back, and guilt is a constant and natural part of having a baby in your life, which we as mums just have to shoulder. Do you have a colleague at work with children that you could call before you go back for a little pep talk? Lots of mums have been through it, maybe they could help you through those tough first few days?

Wishing you the best of luck

Thank you for your thoughtful advice. You're right, it is harder for me than my little one. Selfishly I want to be there all the time and enjoy doing all the things my stay at home friends do.
I'm hoping in a few weeks time I'll feel better. Good luck with your return to work too.

I went back FT when my DD was 7 months old. I've been back about 9 months now and I'm enjoying the mixture. I really enjoy breakfast and bath/bed with my DD and weekends and holidays are ace, but I do also enjoy the challenge of work (even though I loved maternity leave and didn't miss work one bit!)

I think I am better at leaving work "at work" mentally now (even though I fairly often need to log on in the evening after DD is in bed). I work less hours but do squash a bit more in the day than before. I'm sure I do less than pre-kids but it seems to be enough.

But overall DD seems very happy and I am really enjoying this bit of life. It is hard sometimes but so is being a SAHM. Everything has its challenges but I honestly think once you are in the swing of things you will be totally fine!

Good luck, LT xx