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Original poster

Accused of "slandering a coworker"

48 replies

TreeHuggerMum1 · 23/08/2015 12:23

So during a routine one to one last week (Friday afternoon) after being told by my manager that my work is "outstanding" as is my time keeping, reliability etc etc and I was asked to take on extra duties (which I agreed to) and then it quickly became quite nasty and I was informed that my conduct had been brought into question, and that a colleague has informed her that I was involved in a conversation about a coworker and was "slandering" her. I am unsure exactly as to what I am supposed to have said (she wouldn't tell me) but I have been "warned" if this conduct continues it will be dealt with through disciplinary channels.
To say I am gobsmacked is an understatement. I sit next to the girl in question and am nothing but nice to her.
I asked for more information and was told there was little available to me, I was told it was a conversation in July and that I had been overheard speaking ill of someone.
This is not me and I really am appalled. I burst into tears (very professional) and was told I "had" to apologise to the coworker I have slandered and I am under no circumstances allowed to contact the person that I am supposed to have said these things too. I can't imagine saying nasty things about someone and have denied it but my boss is adamant I have done this and wouldn't hear anything to the contrary.
I have worked in this large open plan office for 6 months and too says it's uncomfortable is a joke. We are judged on what we wear, what we eat (no hot or smelly food allowed) what we say (laughing kept to a minimum etc) so I watch what I say and who I say it too because I know we are under a microscope.
It was left at that but now I am dreading returning to work tomorrow.
As requested I apologised and the girl told me that it wasn't actually me so as the other person and that I had been less nasty but thin other colleague had insinuated she was not sick when she was and she was hurt by this. I have apologised and said I was unaware I had said anything offensive and will be more cautious of what I say in future.
Should I suck it up and act as if nothing happened?
I suffer with anxiety anyway and this has really affected me. I've barely eaten or slept since Friday afternoon and now Monday morning is looming and I am so stressed out. Help!

OP posts:

Sallycinnamum · 23/08/2015 13:10

I also reveal very little about myself personally now, which I find really hard as I am a very open person. I think the less my colleagues know about my life outside work, the better.

Tbh, I find this situation sad to say the least as I've worked in some brilliant workplaces and two of my best friends have been made via work. It's interesting that this was in the private sector and I now work primarily in the public sector, which seems to be a magnet for paranoid and backstabbing type behaviour!

Original poster

TreeHuggerMum1 · 23/08/2015 13:11

It's the Public Sector unfortunately.

OP posts:

OnlyLovers · 23/08/2015 13:14

I'm venting and jumping to conclusions which is wrong too but doesnt excuse her behaviour.

Hmmm. Really would've been best not to mention her reproductive or relationship status at all, IMO.

Anyway, do try ACAS and good luck.

Clutterbugsmum · 23/08/2015 13:16

I'd keep myself to myself, do my job keep and my head down and look for another job ASAP.

If there is this type of bullying going then it is only going to get worse. And it's why they have a high turn over of staff.

Original poster

TreeHuggerMum1 · 23/08/2015 13:19

Point taken OnlyLovers.

OP posts:

DoreenLethal · 23/08/2015 13:19

I've never married nor had children. I still manage to keep myself to myself.

And you can join a union no matter what the sector. If you wanted to.

Sallycinnamum · 23/08/2015 13:23

I thought it might be OP. Working in the public sector has been a real eye opener for me and tbh, I'm itching to get back to the private sector but for a myriad of reasons I can't at the moment.

I've always been very career focused but I do my 7.5hrs, no more, no less, don't check my emails at home anymore and will not take any work related calls outside of my designated hours. This was not the way I used to work but it's the only way I can operate now.

I've just had a couple of weeks off work and I'm dreading going back in tomorrow to see what shit has hit the fan while I've been away!

SeaRabbit · 23/08/2015 13:25

How can they accuse you of doing something and not tell you what you have done. I think you should go back and ask for more specifics. If this is going to be on your file you need more.

Have to say I don't understand quite what happened:

As requested I apologised and the girl told me that it wasn't actually me so as the other person and that I had been less nasty but thin other colleague had insinuated she was not sick when she was and she was hurt by this. I have apologised and said I was unaware I had said anything offensive and will be more cautious of what I say in future.

So someone else actually said she ["A" the person to whom you apologised] wasn't really sick but [ some sneak says] you said something too? And then the sneak or someone passed this on to A ( which upset A).

If this is an accurate summary, doesnt anyone have to do any work where you are if they've got time to worry about stuff like this?

Original poster

TreeHuggerMum1 · 23/08/2015 13:25

Sallycinnamum- exactly how I feel. You've really hit the nail on the head. I've been in the sector for just over 2 years but this particular post 6 months.

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 23/08/2015 13:25

I think you should consider taking out a grievance over this incident. It's wrong you hve been blamed for this when the full truth isn't known. Write them a letter saying that unless this matter is resolved you will be taking out a grievance. Why should your repuation be sullied over this incident. And if you like your job and it pays well why should you leave. If you don't like it then certainly look round for something else.

Original poster

TreeHuggerMum1 · 23/08/2015 13:28

SeaRabbit that's about the sum of it.
I was typing quickly but that's the gist and so missed an odd word on reading it back, and this was supposed to have happened 6 weeks ago.

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 23/08/2015 13:29

Came on to echo what Vivienne has already said. Get a copy of the grievance procedure and invoke it.

OnlyLovers · 23/08/2015 13:32

How can they accuse you of doing something and not tell you what you have done. I think you should go back and ask for more specifics.

Agreed.

Original poster

TreeHuggerMum1 · 23/08/2015 13:33

* As requested I apologised and the girl told me that it wasn't actually me so much me as the other person and that I had been less nasty but the other colleague had insinuated she was not sick when she was and she was hurt by this. I have apologised and said I was unaware I had said anything offensive and will be more cautious of what I say in future.

OP posts:

howtorebuild · 23/08/2015 13:33

Was it a case of the other person said something like "I don't think xxx is really ill" and you respond "it's possible"?

Original poster

TreeHuggerMum1 · 23/08/2015 13:37

howtorebuild- not sure what I'm supposed to have said but I am assuming it's something like that.
I have racked my brain to try and remember he conversation and I can't think what I have said that could have caused offence.

OP posts:

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/08/2015 13:49

I would be taking this higher up, they can't force you to apologise and not tell you what you are apologising for.

If another meeting is "needed" I would be very vocal in telling them this.

noiwontstoptalking · 23/08/2015 13:50

Personally, I'd be making an appointment with HR.

ToadsforJustice · 23/08/2015 13:52

OP, I would request another meeting with your manager and ask her to provide you with evidence of slander. If she is unable to do this, I would seriously consider a grievance. Ask her for a copy of the grievance procedure to show you are serious and won't be bullied. "She said this " is not evidence. Ask her for a formal meeting and take someone you trust in with you.

howtorebuild · 23/08/2015 14:01

I would respond "you do?".

TSSDNCOP · 23/08/2015 14:07

I absolutely wouldn't be apologising for seething I hadn't done, and particularly if the incident is going in a file.

In my last job, I was hauled into a meeting with a note taker present, so that another employee could raise issues she had with me to our manager. Turns out the main reason she was upset was because I didn't chat endlessly with her whilst she told me in fine detail about her prolific sex life whilst I was doing my work.

I invited my manager to raise this with our Area Manager. Imagine it: I am reporting TSS for not talking whilst she's working. FFS.

My point is, if you're stone cold certain you didn't do it, don't let an arsehole with nothing better to do than create a drama take you down.

TSSDNCOP · 23/08/2015 14:11

howtotebuild my response would have been "hmm do you"

Sallycinnamum · 23/08/2015 14:20

OP don't go down the official grievance procedure unless you're 100% certain you didn't say anything 'incriminating'.

It's all very well bandying about raising a grievance but it can be a drawn out, lengthy procedure where in my experience nobody come out particularly well.

That said, if you're sure you didn't say anything about your colleague's sickness I would definitely be asking for a formal meeting to clear your name, so to speak.

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