I started at a charity (after working in retail for my whole career so far) a year ago. I moved partly for new opportunities/skills, partly because I'd been with my previous employer for 9 years (from straight out of uni) and partly with a view to getting better maternity rights when we started a family.
Since the first week I've been struggling with the job. I was employed in a marketing capacity, although in a particular role which wasn't 'traditional' marketing - I made it clear in my interview that I wasn't interested in a general marketing position. A couple of months in, it became clear that my role wasn't necessary to the organisation and my new manager changed it so I became a general marketing manager. I embraced the change, thinking that while it wasn't what I wanted, I might at least learn something.
A year in, I absolutely hate it. I've been suffering with depression since last autumn which I can only attribute to the job. It's challenging but not in a good way - having never worked at a charity before I don't know if it's typical of the sector, but it's so hard to get anything done as the rules and targets change every week. I'll start a piece of work with very little info to go on (I'm a manager but not senior so don't sit in any of the meetings that would give me this info, and my manager isn't great at passing it down) and then will be told upon completing it that it's not needed any more.
I know I'm not the only one who's frustrated - virtually all my colleagues are as well. But I'm seriously struggling to get any work done as it's such a vicious cycle - I'm really unmotivated to do the work in the first place which then makes me feel bad for wasting the organisation's time, but when I do get something done it's invariable not used or useful because of the constant change, which takes me straight back to being unmotivated.
I'm currently pregnant which I'm very happy about, and am getting CBT on the NHS for the depression, but on a day-to-day basis I simply am not coping with this job. I spend most days either avoiding work or crying because I feel so useless. I'm sure I have skills but I've forgotten what they are - and this is coming from former management jobs where I've not only successfully managed teams but have won awards for my work!
Talking to my manager doesn't help as she's pretty negative about the whole thing too, and to be honest I'm not sure there's anything she can do. I'm using annual leave up gradually to attend my CBT and have no actual holidays on the horizon due to that and the fact that all our key work is happening this autumn. I just want to ignore it all and hope it goes away but the more I procrastinate the worse I feel.
Please tell me there are others of you out there who hate your jobs, don't understand your organisations, feel frustrated by never being able to get anything done, and really just wish you weren't there? If I wasn't pregnant now I'd be looking for something else as a matter of urgency but as it is, I need to get through the next few months and then a few more when I return from mat leave.
Any hints and tips for just knuckling down and getting on with it despite feeling so shit would be much appreciated. I used to be efficient and organised but now I write endless lists which I don't even attempt to complete.
Sorry for the massive rant!!