Working again for a company where I once messed up

[OJLemonade]

Hi,
I have just signed a contract with a temp agency to work for a company I love for two months (possibility of going permanent after).
However, what I didn't tell them is that I once was offered that v same job for that company and had signed the contract, only to renege on it four days before starting because I was so stressed.
Looking back, I stressed out because of many things, including the big issue of finding childcare for my son with autism.
Anyway, I had explained all this to the recruiter at the company and she had said that it was ok, I could apply again, although she might have doubts that I won't have more freak outs, and that I should call her again to discuss it.
That was two years ago.
This time I haven't told the temp agency anything - nor have I contacted the company.
I was thinking I ought to say something but friends advised me not to.
I obviously can't make my mind up about anything, since here I am questioning things again...

I'm going to turn up on Monday. Or should I write an email to the company?

I think not writing and letting it go is my only option unless I want to come across as v dithering, which I evidently am. Any advice on that too? How does one make oneself less insecure, or am I asking the wrong question?

Just turn up. I don't mean to be rude, but they have probably forgotten you and what happened.

Least said soonest mended ?

Four days before is not too bad. People can change their minds. I thought you had messed up during work and work itself.

If you turn up on the day it's already a good sign that you are not having the anxiety issues, surely. :)

I don't even think they would expect you to mention this. If they mention something about it, then confirm it and maybe offer a short explanation and reassurance.

Thanks so much...
Everyone seems to think like you, that they will have forgotten etc...
I was ready to have to grovel...
It had been a v long recruitment process though, and they needed an even number of people for the training so we could work in pair so I was told not starting was... not v helpful.

"I'm going to turn up on Monday"

I genuinely don't understand why it would be occurring to you that letting them down again was even an option.

It you weren't actually an employee the connection may not be made if the company recruiter has since moved on. Depends on their HR processes I guess.

I can understand why you feel anxious etc but I'd try to rationalise to yourself that it was 2 years ago and there was an understandable reason - they will have got over & so should you.

You don't want to join feeling all guilty and apologetic - it could set the wrong tone. They have a job, you have the skills etc.

Good luck on Monday.

Thanks. Just to clarify, I wasn't going to not turn up on Monday, I was just wondering if I should announce myself.
The first time round I had gone round the premises for the assessment and had been introduced to staff, so I'm thinking that there's quite a high chance I'll be recognised.
Ah well. I'll find out tomorrow...

How did it go OP?

Great, thanks v much for asking! I think the two people I knew from last time, I will meet tomorrow though, and one of them has risen to be the v big boss.
I recognised her face, and the name of the other guy.
Such a great company and a nice bunch, I wish I'd not freaked out and had held on to the job.
Don't think my chances of going permanent are v high after all this.
Thanks for your messages, at least I went in there (fairly) confident this morning. .

Glad it went well.

Honestly, you have a chance to prove yourself. Try not to let it become a self-fulfilling prophecy - they think you are flakey and won't want you....therefore you are flakely/not good-at-your job etc.

I am sure they'd much rather it work out and have you stay even with your previous 'history'.

Good luck!

If you've got this far then it's all forgotten and its up to you to prove yourself now. If they think you're an asset then they'll make you perm, they won't base that decision on some half forgotten incident years ago that caused a little hassle but no impact on business or reputation.

Happy to report all is going v well! Thanks all again for your perspectives. It really is all just about matching skills.

You do need to sort out your anxiety, though.