I'm patronising???

[zmr13]

Hi guys!

I would appreciate some help on the fact I come across as patronising to my work colleagues. The thing is, I don't even realise I am doing it but that's the feedback from them, which is what I need to work on.

I work in retail and I am a supervisor so obviously, I need to help my manager run the department and ensure staff are going what they should be correctly. For example, a couple of days ago, I was with a colleague and she had to put some new sale stock out and her argument was that there was not enough space and I said that it seems that way because the fixture was really messy but once she tidied it, she would be able to get a better understanding of where the extra sale stock can go... my manger was there at the time and afterwards said to me that sounded patronising because I said "I think you can get it out" at one point in the conversation....

Can you guys please give me tips/examples of how I can watch my tongue?

It does sound as if everything is pretty stressed. I can entirely understand you wanting to get things done and done right, but the people you are supervising seem not to have a pride in their work, and you may be fighting an uphill battle.

As the last poster said, you may need support from managers to help you deal with issues like that. You may also want to try to engineer a change of atmosphere at work. You are very open about accepting the criticism and wanting to change. That's brilliant. Would it be too much to call a short meeting and to buy a tray of donuts to have over coffee one day? You could say then that it has been pointed out that you can sound patronising at times for which you apologise and have bought in donuts/chocolates/whatever, as an apology. However, you are also aware that there is a lot to be done in a busy shop and that it is your role to supervise others and make sure that it happens. You therefore want to say in advance, that you will be looking for certain standards to be kept up (is everyone clear on what is expected?) and that you will be issuing clear reminders to anyone whose work (or attitude) is falling short of those standards. It won't be patronising any more, but it will be clear.

As someone above suggested, keep your interactions shorter and clearer:

Is there a reason why you haven't got the handbags tidied yet?
I need X doing by Y o'clock - is there any reason you can see why that can't happen?
A, please could you help to do Z now?

If the answers or the actions are unhelpful, then you need to be prepared to address it. Do be aware of people's strengths too, however, and to comment on those as much as you address other shortcomings.

X, the handbags look brilliant today, thank you.
Y, thank you for finishing that off.

Especially if the work they are doing is not exciting or particularly rewarding, a word of thanks can go a long way.

I think they are being insubordinate and are taking the piss with you. They don't like that you have them sussed and are trying to make things difficult by criticising you. Ask you manager what you can do about their difficult behaviour.

notquitegrownup2 - To be honest, I don't mind doing that but the people on the shop floor wouldn't really care... after eating the donuts they'll just continue to keep on going the way they are.

I have the support of my manager, which helps and she's dealing with everything individually but at the same time, I too need to correct some of my mistakes, which is patronising and talking down... which is the same thing and to be honest, I admit I used to do it a lot in the past and I've learnt but these people hold grudges and can't let go.

No more mr nice guy!... This is advice has helped greatly, I will be firm but kind, I won't explain the same process to them over and over and I will challenge if expectations are not met after a certain time frame!

zmr- do you work for JL by any chance? I did for years (though not shop floor, customer services) and the use of 'recovery' (i.e tidying up and replenishing stock) and 'finger spacing' brought it all flooding back. (My previous job had been at M and S, where squashing as much stuff out as they could seemed the norm, no finger spacing there. It was a long time ago though!)).

I agree with cherries.

I find that not very capable people respond with this kind of passive aggressive bs as a way of deflecting the instruction. The fact is that the instruction is effectively a criticism but packaged nicely - because it hasn't been done correctly the first time around. They don't like the implied criticism so they make it your fault.

I think you need to carry on being firm and directional - and ultimately get a better team who respect you and want to learn.

Would it be worth looking at some literature about assertiveness?

I know you probably think you are already assertive, but some of the literature can give pointers on how to hone it in a really positive way. It seems as if your assertiveness at the moment is being perceived as being negative.

I feel your pain about having staff who aren't that interested, but isn't that where performance management comes in? Are you making sure that you document occasions when people say 'you do it' or are slow, or stand around bitching? Are you making sure the appraisals are a fair reflection on their work?

Thick people are always defence, go on as you are. You'll go far and they won't

To everybody who has posted on this thread...

I was very reluctant to do so a first because I thought everyone would say it's me and my issues, but you all have left me feeling very confident and motivated... Wish I could hug all of you!

Ahh that's good zmr13 glad it's been helpful for you and well done for taking on board things you need to change

Sometimes patronising tones...rather than words are what do the damage. Other times it's the omission of a couple of words or a smile which makes people feel patronised.

I could say "Well the fixtures messy, so once it's tidied then more will fit on it...if you sort the clothes out a bit, then it will probably be fine."

With a smile and that seems fine.

But if I say "Well the fixtures messy so once you've tidied it, you will be able to get a better understanding of where to put the extra stock." then that sounds...well...patronising. It's the suggestion that she doesn't understand something which got her back up I expect.

Is English your first language? If not, then I advise you to listen carefully to the small additions which make things come across as friendly...

In my first example the addition of "A bit" and "probably" both suggest that I am open to being in the wrong myself...in including "A bit" I am deliberately not critisizing the state of the rail of clothing as the employee might think I'm blaming her...the addition of "Probably" means that I am accepting that I am not ALWAYS right.