I didn't really know which topic this should go under but here goes...
I've been teaching at my present school for 7 years and overall I've loved it. However, we had a new head of dept start 20 months ago and he's a been a disaster as far as our (the staff's) well-being has gone. He's a statistics and testing man and doesn't seem to have a soul, which I think is very depressing for us as staff and the kids he teaches. He has no ability to empathise with others, which I think is vital in a job like ours and he's gradually worn us down so that we all feel fairly worthless and demotivated.
The school is 20 miles away from where I live but the journey's always been worth it as I love the rest of the staff and most of the kids I teach. I've taught 3 days a week since I had dd and that's suited me fine. The Head has been great to me and has kept me on management points even though I'm p/t and I've liked having more to get my teeth into than just the teaching.
My plan since the new HoD started was always to try to get pregnant with no2, have my mat leave with this school as the benefits are so good, return to work for a while and then look for a p/t job closer to home. However, the baby thing just hasn't happened. We've now been ttc for 16 months with no success. We've had initial tests which have all come back clear and I'm having a lap&dye in the next few months. I'm also seeing a reflexologist and it's only really since I started seeing her in Feb that I've realised just how stressful work has been and how unhappy it's made me. I'm convinced this has been a huge factor in stopping me from conceiving.
But, as other teachers will tell you, you have to plan a lot in advance to get other jobs and I've just been putting it off, putting it off, hoping I'll get pg, so that I won't miss out on my mat ebenfits which are excellent at my present school.
My reflexologist asked me to think recently if maybe the ttc thing was a way of my body or even something other than me (maybe even something spiritual?!!!) telling me the time isn't right and that I need to 'listen' to what else life can give me at the moment, rather than thinking that I have to be in control the whole time, which obviously hasn't working for me at the moment.
So I've bitten the bullet. I saw a p/t job advertised which is local and went to see the school the other day. It's less money but travelling costs will be down and there may be opportunities to do extra stuff there. I've decided I'm going to apply. If I get it, I have to hand my notice in by May 31st to start in Sept.
The 'worst' thing that could happen is that I get pg in the next few months and have to come clean to the new school, but I figured that worse things happen at sea and we'll just cope with what happens.
I feel very nervous at the thought of leaving my old school behind as it's been such a big part of my life but I also feel very excited and like a weight's been lifted.
Perhaps the moral of the story should be that life doesn't always take us where we think we want to go. I stepped back out of a situation which was almost making me ill with stress and something else practically fell in my lap. Of course, there's no guarantee I'll actually get the new job, but the Head of dept seemed very keen that I apply after talking to him and I guess if it's meant to be, it'll happen. If not, then something else will come along. I feel like I'm in the back seat, letting someone else drive for a bit and it doesn't seem half as scary as I thought it would.
Phew, Sorry this has been long! Needed to get it off my chest.