Please make me feel better about going back to work

[MonkeyBabyMum]

Hi all,

I've got a 12wk old dd and am on 6 months maternity leave. I go back at the end of Jan. I work in a very flexible office and used to do 9-5 mon-fri. I am planning on changing this to 7-2 when I go back and my mum will be looking after dd. I used to enjoy my job and have the potential to get much further and earn a lot more money so I think it would be best for us in the long run for me to go back (dp earns about same as me but no chance of earning more) but I don't know how I'm going to cope being away from dd. Everytime I think about it makes me sad. I'm so up and down, some days I can't wait to go back and others I'm dreading it. I just keep thinking about all the things I'll miss and how my mum is going to end up being more important to my dd than me. We can't afford for me not to work, could survive if I worked part time but my dp wont hear of it as it would mean we would struggle. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that my dd wont hate me and that I can still have a good relationship with my dd whilst working. I just never knew how hard it would be to leave her. Sorry for the ramble!

She won't hate you. I have five chidlren and always worked from younger than 6 months. The oldest are virtually grown up now. They love my work and what I've done in my life. They never loved whoever looked after them like they loved both parents. Your child doesn't hate your dp do they and he works.

It sounds like the best thing for your family and your daughter and you will soon get used to the new routine. You might also enjoy being back in the workplace. I always did. Once you've left her you will see she survives and thrives and is happy and it will all be fine.

Hi there, I am due to go back in Jan as well when DS is around 9mths originally I was due to go back when he was 6mths but postponed it.

When DS was younger I didn't know how I could face going back, but as he has got older I have got my head round it. Who knows by the time six months comes you may be keen to have some adult company. Also you have the best childcare in the world, your DDs grandmother, so you won't have to worry about her when you are at work, plus by changing your hours you will still have loads of the day with DD and she will certainly have a great relationship for you. You should also try to make a little time for you, this is what I have been told from those who have gone back to work already, its easy to try to be supermum but you need to recharge your batteries as well.

Remember that nothing is set in stone. If you go back full time and you find its not for you, then look to changing to part time. You are all part of a family now and you and to an extent your DD also get a say in how that is structured.

Don't let thoughts about this spoil the next few months for you. I found 4-6 months to be wonderful, DS was smiling and happy but unable to move. Now he is 7mths and crawling around its constant effort and tbh I sometimes look forward to going back to work.

Good luck

Ditto what Rookie says,

I'm due back about the same time as you (3 days a week instead of 4) It's the first time that I've left a baby so young, ds2 will be 7 months. With dd(9) and ds1(7) I was lucky enough to stay at home with evening jobs until dd went to school, I started uni and ds1 went into full time nursery at 2 1/2yrs. But like you I've been incredibly luckly that I also have a family member to look after lo.

I also think that my other 2 kids benifited from me working both financially and emotionally. I often said that dd would have been perfectly happy in full time nursery from about 6 months old but ironicly was the only one of mine who I didn't have to leave. Saying that ds1 is well rounded and if anything I have a better relationship with him than with dd.

But all in all I'll tell you what will be will be and don't stress it and don't let it spoil the nxt 2 months or so and least you won't be working christmas

Monkey, don't assume your feeling won't change - your dd is really young. If anyone had suggested I left my kids for more than an hour when they were 12 weeks I'd have done them serious injury - you're still at that really interdependent stage. The older they are, the less helpless they feel and the less you will feel that you have to check on them 24/7. As Rookie says, you may see it as a bit of a release when they're older. I've always surprised myself by how much I enjoyed going back to work by the time I actually went, so don't worry now about how you'll feel then.

12 weeks is massively different from 6 months. And you are leaving her with your mum, how lovely to spend all that time with Grandma.

Hopefully your dh will be taking her to Grandmas in the morning or you will be knackered.

Although you'll no doubt be dreading it before you go back (and feel a bit wobbly on the first day - I burst into tears every time someone asked how I/dd was!), the scariest thing is how after a week or 2, it feels as if you've never been away. DD1 was 7.5m, dd2 7m when I went back (full-time for a bit with dd1, 3 days/wk since then) and going to work keeps me sane! By Sunday night, I'm looking forward to using my brain, adult conversation, going out for lunch/shopping at lunchtime with no distractions, but by the end of my working week I can't wait to be at home with my girls! It's tiring juggling the 2 (though probably less tiring than being at home full-time), but I think works really well (though I went p/t after a few months as was exhausted, breastfeeding dd1 through the night - financially bit of a shock but otherwise worth it). Good luck - I'm sure it will be fine once you're there!