Is this personal statement ridiculous?

[TooManyHouseGuests]

A supply chain and logistics professional with an MBA and international career experience in blue chip companies. Seeking to return to return to full time, professional work now that my family is complete and my children are older. Project managed a large extension and house renovation as well being actively involved in my children’s school through fundraising and designing a reading group to stretch the more able children.

I hate this sort of writing. I hated reading this stuff when I was doing the hiring. Everyone assures me that it has to be done. It seems grammatically mangled to me. Also, should I just skip the last sentence? My husband likes it, but I think it sounds a bit feeble.

Thanks

Is it for an application form or for the start of a CV? If the latter then I would keep the first sentence. I'd move the part about 'seeking a return to work' into a covering letter, and I'd add more concrete examples of achievements after the first sentence eg balanced budgets of £x; managed staff of y; acted as project manager on home building project.

If the extension, fundraising and reading group are relevant to the post you're applying for then I would mention them but I'd make it less chatty eg As a volunteer, I planned and delivered a substantial fundraising campaign that exceeded target by x%; researched, planned and introduced an educational support programme in reading for more able children.

Sorry, I'm writing this in a rush. However, don't hesitate to PM me. (In a former role I used to write CVs for clients). Good luck!

Wow! Thanks for the quick response APlaceOnTheCouch!

I'll PM you.

Oh no it's awful (sorry!)
Rewrite it specific to work experience, remove that you are seeking to return to full time work, PTA fundraising, house extension etc

You want the reader to think, wow, this person has fantastic experience for this role not 'this person has been doing mummy stuff for the last few years'. Why would you highlight a reading group over all the amazing professional experience you have, you are focusing on the wrong things.

Also what does international career experience in blue chip companies mean, sounds a bit waffle.

Try writing it as if you are writing the personal statement of the person you want to hire.

Good luck!

Cut everything after 'seeking to return to full time' then add 'work'.

Talk about your experience and skills. Gives examples of roles and projects etc

Thank you Heels99. I think it sounds out of proportion too. I've been taking advice from DH, who seems to think I should "fluff" everything up.

I agree the sentence is waffle. I've never put a "Personal Statement" on my CV before. I view it as a waste of space. My DH thought adding one would give me a chance to address the career break. After looking at examples across the internet, I thought this was what I had to do! At least I didn't say, "detail oriented, team player, highly motived, fast paced, proven track record, etc." lol!

The "meat" of my CV is a reverse chronological order list of jobs and quantified accomplishments within those jobs.

I just need a mechanism for acknowledging my career break without looking silly.

How long is the break op?

If you want to address it can you just add 'following maternity leave' and keep it short?

I'd do that on an accompanying supporting statement

Your dh is wrong about fluffing things up. Keep it factual and evidence everything

baies1, I agree with you. I think that would be the most straightforward way to go.

I do have the examples that you suggest in my "Professional Experience" section which follows on.

Do you think I need to explain why I am returning to work? I should I let them guess that I have left work to start a family?

A 12 year break baies1! So I really think calling it maternity leave would be stretching things!

If I only mention why I am returning to work in a covering statement, and my CV ends up being separated from the cover letter and viewed on its own, there will be no explanation. That is my concern.

You don't need to talk about having a family etc.
If you haven't worked for ten years then just include 2004-2015 career break and voluntary work
The cv is used to identify the skills or experience you have that matches the job requirement. Use your personal statement to sell yourself as a logistics professional not a mummy.

Yes I would do it like that - call it a career break and voluntary work

When you write the supporting statement I wouldn't give dates at all and you needn't.

Yes just refer to it in the work chronology and not in the personal statement.
Could you get any up to date experience eg work shadowing or work experience as much will have changed in 12 years and that will be the recruiters key concern

When I did my CV for returning to work after an 8 year break, I went on a CV writing course and they recommended a non-chronological, or functional CV. This way, your CV focuses on your skills rather than on the dates of the actual jobs. Have a look here for more info

Doing this means you can highlight the areas of your experience which are particularly relevant to the role you're applying for and also include stuff that you've done during your career break, such as PTA volunteering, which can demonstrate organisational skills etc.

It took me a while (although was possibly more tricky for me as I was looking for part-time work) but I found the perfect job (have since left, but that's another story ).

Best of luck!

I agree with the others. I'm not a huge fan of personal statements per se but if you do use one you want it to do this:

Sum up in a couple of sentences why you are suitable for the role.

Stop thinking about it as a statement being about you and start thinking about how you fit the job.

So get the job description and person specification and pick out the required skills and experience. Eg project management, client management, problem solving, people management etc etc and put that in. If we assume the job requires what I have just mentioned then something along the lines of "Logistics and supply chain expert, qualified to MBA level, with X number of years working with blue chip international companies to deliver ABC. Core skills include excellent project, people and client management with a strong reputation for problem solving with creative, innovative and workable solutions."

Keep all the house renovation and PTA stuff for examples at the interview unless you had an actual role with demonstrable skills like chair of the PTA where you "managed a team of 6 core volunteers and 30 periphery volunteers to deliver 3 events that generated an income of £35,000 which was an increase of 33% on the previous year" rather than "made some cakes for the fair and we raised enough money to buy some new play equipment".

I've already jettisons the house and the PTA! I didn't like it in the first place. That stuff is just life. Yes, it shows I wasn't twiddling my thumbs, but on the other hand, who is? I think throwing it in just throws everything out of balance.

So the consensus seems to be that I should chuck the personal statement and my CV should look something like this:

Professional Experience
2004 - Present Career Break - Volunteering

2001 - 2004 ACME Enterprises
-Managed X people
-Reduced costs y
-Improved production efficiency by z

1998 - 2001 A1 Conglomerate
-Developed cost model of asdfsday
-Negotiated x of contracts
-Delivered y in savings

Education
2001 School of Business Administration
Masters of Business Administration in General Management

1995 University
Bachelor of Arts

You need to demonstrate your skills. When I review cvs I'm looking for the following evidence and I want it almost at a glance:

Relevant experience - sometimes this is obvious but other times if people are unfamiliar with the company or what job titles mean it can be harder. A summary of what you did, key responsibilities, key achievements, what level etc can be very useful.
Relevant skills (if transferable then some effort to show how they are transferable is required)
Significant results/achievements in role - where people do a good job on the skills bit they do tend to forget to do the results.

One thing that's always useful is to have an idea of scale. Managed X number of people doesn't tell me much. How many direct reports/how many indirect? What sort of level are the people you're managing?

If you're kicking off with the career break first I might be more inclined to include the personal statement because you need to sell yourself in the first 3 lines and that would do it.

Keep the personal statement but rewrite it.

Don't put down your family is complete, none of their business, anyway.

The statement should very briefly say what you want to do now, not what you've done before. Eg 'I am seeking work at a middle management level in Xtype of sector. My core strengths are xyz' (I have done this in bullet points)

With that big career break one of your refs might be someone else coordinating those volunteer groups so there is opportunity to mention (minimal words) the types of skills you used or gained in the volunteer work, like fundraising, minute taking, CRB-DBS screening, event organisation, risk assessments, etc. Put this in your work history section.

Yes, take out anything that reminds the reader (of your cv) that you have been doing 'mummy' for years.

I have done it myself, but honestly you would be better off saying 'i spent eight years tinkering about with the inside of my car engine' than talking about household budgeting or supervising reading groups.

There is space for some of the fundraising etc under Voluntary Work.

Yes, take out anything that reminds the reader (of your cv) that you have been doing 'mummy' for years.

I have done it myself, but honestly you would be better off saying 'i spent eight years tinkering about with the inside of my car engine' than talking about household budgeting or supervising reading groups.

There is space for some of the fundraising etc under Voluntary Work.

Also. True story. A male friend of mine emerged from a marijuana fog around about the same time I wanted to go back to work. He put a touching little speech on his personal profile about turning his life around. I put something on my CV about being a position now to return to the workplace ........ he got a job quicker than I did (same age, same school, similar 3rd level)

ragged I couldn't agree more, but I also know from experience that male and even female managers discuss this. I've heard them myself when I was working. She'll probably quit after the second child; don't hire her she will probably get pregnant soon, etc.

In my early career, I walked out of a job interview with a large company who, in a group interview with other candidates, wanted to focus in on the fact that I was married and therefore we needed to have a detailed conversation about what my partner did and where he worked and how that might affect my commitment. No one cared about the two other male candidates' personal lives. I was mortified and got my coat. The interviewer was left open mouthed.

More recently, I had a job interview for a job I really fancied. It went amazingly well. I was called back the day after sending in my CV (the unimproved version!) I sailed through the first interview and just came completely unstuck at the final interview. There were two new managers in this interview. They kept telling me how this was a serious job, it needed a lot of hours, and what were my childcare arrangements! I couldn't give them specifics because I hadn't been offered the job and didn't know what the hours were. I could only say that there were a range of good options in my area depending on what would be required. That did not shut them up. It didn't end until the third guy who initially interviewed me said, "We are all parents, her responsibility is no different to ours." (God bless him.) At this point I felt really cold and shaky. I got through my presentation. They asked for copies of my presentation and research and turned me down the next day.

It seems to me that the fact is that my family is complete, and that I work in an area that is pretty "unreconstructed," so if this stuff is on people's minds I'd like to allay it straight away.

Thanks for the tip Movingon, I am going to change a line later in my CV where I mention "managing a team of 20" to "managing a team of 20 graduate level employees with three direct reports." It's more wordy, but also more precise.

That's dreadful Dellla.