Programme on Working Mums last night

[JanZ]

Did anyone see the programme on working mums last night? I didn't see the very beginning, but what I saw (about 25 minutes) irritated me. It was supposed to be about working parents, ie when both parents work, but concentrated only on what the working mums were doing.

It seemed to have started with a premise (ie working mothers cause distress to children/children don't like their mums to work) and then interviewed the kids with leading questions until they got the answers they wanted.

For example, how many teenage kids want to talk to their parents - whether they work or not?! Yet this seemed to be one of the "conclusions" from this somewaht rambling documentary - that the teenage kids weren't able to talk to their parents because they worked.

Such programmes also always seem to focus on families where there are "problems" - eg a succession of child carers, a husband who ogoes out most evenings, etc.

What about those of us who HAVE managed to get things sorted?! Yes it's a struggle juggling things - but then even staying at home can be a struggle but in different ways! But in my own case, I have really good child care (child minder lives next door, more like a nurdery, ds loves going there - and just as important loves coming home), a job I enjoy, and a dh who very much does his share. We've got all the bases covered so well that the "emergency cover" - my Mum and Dad - never get a look in and we're going to have to review how they can spend more time with ds!

I saw just the last 25 minutes like you and felt that they were showing only the negatives. I have no choice but to leave my daughter and to go to work, as most mums do now. I hate leaving her but she is with a family member who has children of her own and she is always happy when i go to collect her. The program made me feel that if I continue to work it means I will end up with a child that dislikes my every move and forget the very reason I work which is only to provide money to give her the start in life I want her to have. I think it is important for us mums to get out for a while and do something else than just being 'mum' as it makes you feel a bit more like you, before children, don't get me wrong I love being a mum but I enjoy working and having a small part of my life that is still my own!

I watched that programme last night too. I cannot comment too much on working mums as I am a stay at home mum and have not tried being a working mum. What concerned me (expecting second baby in 7 weeks) was the midwife/nurse/who looked after triplets three times a week/had six kids herself, at one point she was commenting that she had not had any sleep for 60.5 hours and some weeks only got 8 hours sleep in the whole week!!! I just hope she doesn't turn up when I am in labour! I would like a midwife who has slept in the last day or so thanks!

Demented, that concerned me too! I couldnt believe she could function on so little sleep, but also I wouldnt have liked her looking after my triplets, or looking after me in hospital, OR be on the same road with her.

I didn't see the programme, but think it's telling that we rarely hear the phrase "working dads" used...

When I first had ds I was interested to hear about new research that showed whether children were happier/did better academically/were less delinquent and so on depending on whether or not their parents worked.

And then I realised that I know, from business life, that statistics can be manipulated to prove almost anything. I'm not saying that these studies are all statistically flawed, but I do think that if we were fully aware of the underlying methodology and assumptions made during these studies we might well reach different conclusions.

I also know from a friend who is a documentary producer/director that television programmes are usually made by starting with a premise, i.e: nannies are from hell and the makers then set out to provide evidence to support that premise.

Therefore TV programmes rarely end up with a different conclusion than expected in their original remit. I suppose the TV industry view would be that they are there to entertain and/or inform, rather than to break new ground or carry out scientific research. Maybe.

As a result I've concluded that it's best to ignore most of these studies and to keep trying to do what's best for me and mine.

However, I do get irked when working mothers (and it is usually mothers) get blamed for many of society's ills. I'm a SAHM at the moment but would defend to the teeth anyone's right to work and be a parent.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

Rant over!

A documentary maker from a major TV channel came to make a film in my son's nursery last year. The nannies told me that they had fallen out with the film makers, because they were told to make the girls play with dolls and the boys with cars etc, which is against nursery policy. In the end they compromised and put all the toys in the middle of the floor, so the children could pick, and, as in real life in his nursery, the children did not conform to gender stereotypes. We all waited months eagerly to see the series and to see our darlings on-screen. In the end, they showed almost nothing from his nursery and the message of the film about gender was very old-fashioned and pessimistic - ie girls really only want dolls, boys really only want cars.

as a working mum of 3 I did find the programme a little harsh, perhaps they did set out to find extreme situations. Echo the thoughts about the midwife with 6 kids, have to say her children did seem the happiest though. Am I the only one who thought the mother who came home and went to sleep on the sofa needed to sort herself out? I work a long day and although I'm often knackered and crave time to myself I would not behave the way she does, crashing out once in a while-ok, but regularly? DH thought she simply couldn't handle the job she was doing, I, less charitably, thought she was a cow!

I have to admit that I also regularly fall asleep on the couch - but only after ds has gone to bed!

Exactly, DH and i have particularly bad weeks when we go to bed at the sme time as the kids, and NOT for any fun reason either, but neither of us would just collapse, especially if the kids want to chat etc..