Being micro-managed by someone who isn't my manager - how do I handle it?

[spookyskeleton]

I have recently started a new role working within a project group and one of my colleagues on the team is micro-managing me - she is neither my manager or the project manager!

She is constantly interfering in my work, questioning everything I say and generally treating me like I am much more junior than her (we are at roughly the same level).

We are both 'specialists' on the project (say IT and Finance for example) and I would never dream of questioning her as I respect her experience and knowledge so not sure why she feels she can question me. We are both in middle management so in my view, that comes with a certain level of expectation that you will complete the work you need to do when you need to do it

She is extremely tight with the project manager and has been on the project for much longer than me and I feel I am unable to make a good impression with the team as she is undermining me.

She is extremely well thought of within the team and my manager also thinks highly of her so I know there is no point in taking it anywhere.

I just need strategies to deal with the interference on a day to day basis before it drives me crazy.

Your colleague needs to concentrate more on her own work, I think I'd work on that angle in mentioning how her pestering you is making you less productive. Good luck!!

Well I'm glad to hear that you have an 'out' from this particular situation by virtue of being on temporary assignment, that's good and means you should find it somewhat less stressful than if this was a permanent role.

She obviously finds you threatening in some way and is acting out, think pack animals trying to establish the hierarchy. It is particularly annoying to have this done to you by a woman as, despite the fact this kind of behaviour is very prevalent among men, when women do it to each other it can be viewed in a very different way. (Happened at my work between two women, one of whom was massively more senior than the other but still felt very threatened by the fact the first woman knew more than she did, so an ugly spat ensued that the first woman wanted no part in, because it played to all sorts of stereotypes about senior women in our organisation).

She may be looking at the other new woman as an ally, purely based on the order in which you have joined 'her' project. No wonder she's having to work until midnight if she is spending all this time on machination and stickybeaking into other people's work!

What you need is a big dose of self-confidence. She doesn't outrank you, you don't answer to her, you are a visitor in the team so the internal hierarchy is not greatly of concern to you, you're there to do a skilled job which she can't do, any more than you can do hers. Stand tall and act confident until you feel it.

Why is it your manager's fault? Because your manager is paid to deal with this stuff. That IS the 'managing' part of their job. It's a headache - which is why the manager is paid for it!
The manager should have made it very clear that bossy, encroaching woman is acting inappropriately, well beyond her remit and needs to stop.
I've seen this before in a situation. Where the manager was poor and unofficially designated to another woman. People were furious because designated woman was their peer. Ultimately, there was a lot of bad feeling. Two people ended up leaving: designated, non-manager and person who was most annoyed/affected by her.

I think there are two managers in this story. There's the OP's own line manager (in her 'home' business unit) and then there's the project manager in the project team. The one who is tight with the difficult team member.

OP could certainly go to her manager for advice and support (which might take the form of OP manager having a word with project manager's manager). However, I agree that the problem here is the project manager, who hasn't ensured roles and responsibilities are understood and being followed. Not to mention raising red flags about (a) difficult team member working silly hours and (b) difficult team member unilaterally deciding to move out of the office. PM does not have any control over difficult team member and that is bad.

You'll notice I have no real advice as to how to deal with it though. I'm reading hoping for tips.

Well both my manager and the project manager think this woman is bloody fantastic so I don't think they would view her behaviour as inappropriate.

I feel she is acting like an unofficial co-project manager and I think the project manager is happy to allow her to do so. The project manager has very little to do with me (for whatever reason) so it is almost as if she is doing it for him.

Even accepting that as the way they want to run it, I still find her micro-managing as inappropriate and unnecessary.

As for the hours, it seems accepted practice within the team to be available for emails etc at all times which I don't mind. But I am not prepared to spend all my evenings and weekends working - I have done it for extremely urgent work but I am not going to do it routinely like she does.

Sounds like the PM is lazy and happy for this woman to run the show for him. That said, even if that is her role (and no-one has communicated that it is, so make sure all your status updates, weekly reports etc go to the PM and not to her) I agree that her approach is completely inappropriate.

Shame that your manager thinks she's the cat's pyjamas as well, at some point when it sounds less personal you might want to express 'concern' to your manager about her workload and how much the project manager seems to be piling on her.

responses

• " don't worry, I'm on it. How are you getting on? Did you finish x?"

• " gosh I'll have to check my notes. Thanks for checking though."

• " oh, I'm glad I saw you Brenda. A head hunter just called and they are looking for cv's. Apparently it's a top job at x. You'd be perfect if you weren't so happy here. Amazing money and prospects though"

• ah, Brenda, I haven't time right now, but if you aren't busy could you just go and photocopy all this for me? Thanks!"

• ah, Brenda, which parts of your work affect me in this project? Could you send me an email because I've noticed you seem quite worried about some aspects - why don't I bring it up with our manager if you need time lines and deadline moved?" The point here is to give her work to do. Not you email her.

Have a 1:1 with your manager. Say she is micro managing you and although you know she is very committed to the project, you feel undermined and perhaps she needs some coaching on teamwork. If you feel brave. You can go as well- don't miss out on training!

Update your cv as well. Just in case:)

Could I offer a different perspective. You've just joined what sounds like a fairly long established project team. Your colleague has been working in that team for a long time, and by your own account, is thought highly of by your manager, the project manager and the team. The whole point of a project team is that you work together as a team so to that extent you should all be taking joint responsibility for getting the project done - projects teams don't work very well when individuals in the team are very precious about who does what. Your colleague sounds very proactive - why wait to sort an issue out in 2 weeks if you can sort it out more quickly. Who knows what will crop in in a couple of weeks and maybe you'll all be too busy to deal with it by then. You do sound a little insecure to be honest - if you are at middle manager level I would expect you to be a little more robust/less defensive. Her offer to sort the issue out on Monday might have been just that - an offer of help to a fellow project team member.