New job, not sure can do working pattern agreed at interview

[Starch1e]

I was made redundant at the end of maternity leave and have just applied for and accepted a new job (3 days/week job share). DC is 20 months old.

The job is based in home town but in JD and at interview was asked about occasional travel and overnight stays. I naively thought that sounded OK in theory and said OK.

Now I have job and it might be quite soon that am asked to go away overnight. DH has never had DC on his own for a night and I'm not sure how he would cope. DC is not a good sleeper and we normally end up co-sleeping part of the night plus I'm still bf.

The whole both of us working, dropping off/pick up at nursery has been a revelation and not easy change.

I'm feeling really crap about this, can't believe I thought sleeping/separation would become easier and how I thought DH would cope.

I know I need to talk to new manager ASAP. Has anyone experience of agreeing to a working pattern at interview but then realising it wouldn't work once in role? What did you do?

I'm sorry but you agreed this at interview. You need to try and find a way round it or perhaps accept this isn't the job for you.

If dc is 20 months, could you express milk to leave if dc still needs it through the night? I went back to work while bf at this age & it was fine.

Is your DH worried about coping, or are you more worried than he is? He should be able to handle one night with a child that age I would think.

There is nothing you are saying that would mean it couldn't work if you actually tried it to be fair. You just need to give it a go.

Your DH will just have to deal with it; one night away will not have no if any impact an impact on bf after 20 months. (i had more than one weekend away where i just pumped and dumped when DC3 was between 18 months and 2 years old).

I would try it first, you won't really know how they manage without you until they have done it.

It's not surprising that you are finding it a challenge to start with, but things will get easier.

whoops ... one night away will have very little, if any, impact on bf...

I think you are probably just panicking over the unknown. I bf for 2 and 3 years for both my kids (and went back to work at 6months). It is doable. I too thought that I wouldn't cope. With the first kid, I brought him along on work trips so he'd been to Athens, Madrid, and of course long haul. Second kid, not so easily affordable so we had to let daddy take care of both kids, do nursery run, and it was fine. We don't have grandparents about to help either.

I wouldn't panic just yet. When the trip does come up, ask all the logistic-related questions... Like when do I fly, when do I come back, will I get time off in lieu or whatever.... Once all that is known, speak to your husband and tell him this is the case. And then work it through. It may be that he needs to take time off, it may be that he needs to leave earlier to pick up or drop off at nursery...

Don't sabotage your new job just yet!!!

I don't think you will create a good impression in your manager's mind if you admit that you haven't thought through the logistics of the role. At this early stage, with no track record with them, it will create a doubt in their mind about how effective you are going to be in the role.

You are talking about one night here and just because your husband has never had to cope before doesn't mean he can't! At 20 months, your child is not going to suffer from one night away from you, your dh will cope with one night of less sleep and your child will cope with one bottle or cup of milk.

I think you are panicking a bit because going back to work has been an understandable shock and the prospect of the travel on top is adding to the worry. Things will settle down, you will all get used to the new routine and you shouldn't say you can't manage the travel until you absolutely know you can't do so!

I think you should wait until you are asked about the overnight stay. If you DC is 20 months old he's really old enough to be left with your DH if you express milk. If it's only a very occasional event then I'm sure you can work round it. If it's more often then it might cause extra stress on everyone.

I think you'll all cope just fine, see it as a it as a positive thing for your son to have comfort from his father at night. I can understand how overwhelming it can be getting back into a work routine after a little while away, but don't feel that every new challenge is a negative obstacle you need to stress about, just take things as they come.

The overnight requirement is just going to be forcing you into tackling an issue, presumably you're not happy bf a 20 mo at night? DH can take the hit for occasional nights, even perhaps booking AL for the day after if they are likely to be bad? Worth it for the job/income?

If you specifically agreed to it at interview, I can't see it going down too well if you now say that you can't do it. They might think that you lied just to get the job.

What does your DH think?

Could you even do the job if you aren't prepared to travel?
If this was raised in the job info and at interview presumably it's important to your employer that you can do some overnights. So are you ready to lose the job over this?