A new experience for me SAHD looking for a job

[sigmaFTlabarinth]

Please don't be annoyed with me, but this is an issue I have no experience of and I'm finding that the way I feel about this is confusing.

I became a SAHD to support my wife's career, I had no problem with that and I've become used to the school runs and looking after the kids. Exactly a month ago she got an on the spot sacking from her job (it's complicated and involves an inappropriate boss), because of the todo's over that she now wants to be the SAHP. That's fine and the first fortnight of her unemployment I put my CV up and contacted agencies, except.

I'm rusty, the aspect of my former career I focused on lead to some humiliating interviews, my CV was technically good enough to get a number of interviews, but the accumulation of rust showed through and I made myself look foolish.

I've rewritten my CV to focus on the managerial rather than the technical, but the initial interviews have knocked my working self confidence and I feel almost unemployable.

I do need to get a job pretty soon as we've always been a family who are two months away from financial disaster and I feel that I've already wasted a month. I'm not exactly an extrovert or a networker and I'm approaching 50.

So what am I asking for? Any insights into how people have managed, dealt with or felt during a situation like this, how to tough it out, tips & tricks and general advice would be more than welcome.

How long have you been a SAHD? Do you actually want to go back to work or would you prefer to remain at home? The problem with needing to go back to work in a hurry is that you have presumably had no time to brush up on your rusty skills (what field are you returning to?) or get up to speed with current developments and that will come through in interview. If you are being forced back to work through circumstance, that may also come across in interview.

If your family need an income coming in quickly (and who doesn't?) would it not be possible for your wife to consider some short-term contracts while you work on improving your skills, maybe doing some volunteer work to gain confidence?

Thank you

Ok, if you are 2 months from financial disaster, your wife needs to look for work too. Regardless of how horrible the exit from her last job was.

Ideally you will be able to find a job but - having, like so many women do, having put your career on hold to support their partner's prospects, it is unreasonable for you to be expected to walk into a job in the current job climate. It will take bit of planning, strategy, possibly training, time and luck. It is doable, but a team approach is going to be more sensible.

FWIW My DH was made redundant 4 years ago. He's works in construction - there couldn't have been a worse time and not unreasonably didn't want to go and build Ikeas in China, which was one option. So….I re-ignited some old contacts, a part time temp contract came up and I took it, DH got a p/t lecturing job. He's f/t now, and I am freelancing and it is way more lucrative and flexible than any arrangement we've had previously.

I agree with pp - if you don't have a financial cushion your wife will need to at least look for temporary work as don't underestimate the difficulty of you finding a good job in the immediate future

Fwiw I've been a SAHP for 15 years although for most of that time I've done various part time roles and lots of voluntary work so my CV was far from empty - I'm a similar age to you.

Dh really wants to leave his (well-paid) job and set up his own company but obviously that's fairly risky so we agreed that I'd go back to work. I've been seriously looking for 5 months now, got down to the last two for one job I really wanted and got offered another but had to turn it down as I needed a bit more flexibility than they were prepared to offer. I'm applying for jobs for which I am eminently (over)qualified but not even getting interviews. I know firms aren't supposed to discriminate on the grounds of age however I think a lot of people on selection panels have a pretty fixed idea of their ideal candidate and it doesn't generally include someone pushing 50 who's been out of the formal workplace for a while.

I'm sure you will get something eventually but it may well take you rather longer than you'd initially hoped and you and your wife may well need to make compromises along the way

I would say age and your age are less to do with inability to finding a job than lack of confidence.
I'm rusty, the aspect of my former career I focused on lead to some humiliating interviews, my CV was technically good enough to get a number of interviews, but the accumulation of rust showed through and I made myself look foolish.

What are your technical skills that after short time of staying at home they are so bad you don't want to use them?
If you are going after a career break everyone knows you may be a bit rusty.
Have you been unable to tinker at home to practice?
There are thousands of little tutorials on youtube.
Udemy has courses and plenty other sites too.
You can spend hours kids are at school to get up to speed with those.

It would be easier to perhaps go support rather than coding route if that is what you were interviewing for?

My company struggles to find support staff who need to be able to read code but not necessary write it.

Up your game! Get your CV updated and get it out there. Phone, chase, put some effort in your job searching.
In the meantime, start putting into
Place, action what you really want, what you need to change, in order to move yourself to the job you really want.

But the second bit is a luxury. Man up, cut the crap and get A job, in the first place.

After being unemployed for 18 months my first job was well below my salary expectations and experience. I sucked it up, joined and moved on 8 months later to a better one.

You should both be looking for work if the children are school age. Get some financial security behind you and then look to have the luxury of a SAHP if you like.

But I posted this opinion on another thread yesterday (which feels very similar to your situation) and it wasn't popular.

I have been a SAHM for 12 years! It really is time for me to go back to work. It's a bit scary. I too went for a job interview where I was well qualified on paper. I got the final interview and was really knocked back. All they wanted to do was to talk about how I might handle childcare and how long and unpredictable the hours were. ....for a market analyst It ended with the team of interviewers arguing amongst themselves, in front of me, about whether the interview questions were relevant and whether they would be asking them of a man. I did not get that job.

It's really daunting, but it won't get any easier. I will just keep getting older, and the career gap will just keep getting wider. You are in your late 40s. It's a little early to retire. You want to hide now. It's grim. But I think it would be the worst thing to do. Be resilient. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

My plan is to go for lots of things. Stretch things, on target things, things that really I should get. A loooong time ago, I got an MBA from a top school in Europe. There were lots of characters. We knew each other well. We knew who was clever, who was hard working, who was reliable, who was dick. In the end, there was little correlation between job offers and "worthiness." There was a massive correlation between job offers and people with brass necks who kept putting themselves out there despite their apparent unsuitability.

My point, get out there! As Churchill said, if you are going through hell, keep going! Don't get stuck. If you don't have a thick skin, pretend that you do. Fake it till you make it! As they say in America.

Because, if you don't, you will get stuck where you are. And I don't think you are in a good place.

Is easier to move up to a better role when you are already working
IT is changing a lot. New technologies and influences.
Just have look at jobs offered directly by employers on stackoverflow and see what skills are in demand.

Sounds like the best solution in the short term is for your wife to find a job. But when she does, you shouldn't stick your head in the sand and decide you will just sahd, as your kids wont need you to for long, and if it I hard to find a job now that will only get worse! It doesn't sound like you have a financial cushion so this isn't a permanent option. So in the short term, you need to spend school hours retraining, getting up to date, rebuilding your confidence and applying for jobs. Just don't give up!

Hello Sigma

Apply for local jobs first, then

Extend radius

If one of you is able to get a job, then it is easier to then look for "the ideal job"

Does your wife have any contacts she can use or refer a friend scheme ?

Dont give up

If you are rusty, I agree "fake it to make it"

Good luck