Sexist boss WWYD...

[Anonymum40]

I've recently started what appears to be my dream job, the work is interesting, the pay good and the hours ideal... but I'm having real trouble getting used to my new boss.
He owns the company which is fairly small and he interviewed and employed me. Now I sit in a small office with him and another chap and all day long he banters (and brags frankly about his money/ cars/ celebrity mates etc) with the other guy in the office. But if I contribute anything to the conversation more often than not he ignores me. He curses 'bloody women' all the time and generally seems to enjoy being sexist (though I'm sure he'd say it was tongue-in-cheek). Anything vaguely involving lifting/ manual stuff he says is 'man's work'.
It's starting to really get me down. I don't feel secure in the job at all, though I know I am doing good work. I'll be interested to see how my 3 month appraisal goes, but in the meantime I don't know how to handle the situation...

I think I would be making sure my CV was still out there.

Working one on one with someone like that is always going to be difficult, especially if they're a bit objectionable.

You could try taking him out of the office (neutral ground) for a coffee and saying that his behaviour isn't acceptable. My suspicion is that he will say 'well, tough luck, that's just how I am'. The other approach you could take is to pull him up on it each time in a non-confrontational way so that eventually he realises it's not on.

I'm sorry, I don't have an ideal answer. I've been in the same position many times before and my usual approach has been to find another job but if it's your dream job then it's harder.

Good luck!

I've been through this and survived.

I challenged the lifting/manual comments by giving my look and then lifting the item, the first few times he mad comments about how strong I am etc and then the comments stopped.

"Bloody women" comments were met with stone silence, no reaction at all and it eventually stopped.

I didn't have the confidence to speak to him directly wanted to keep my job so I spoke privately to others that had been present during his idiotic comments and they backed me with silence.

We built a working relationship over time where I could tell him to wind his neck in or just give the look, being in the motor trade it happens far to much

Not ideal but it's how I handled it.

I have been in that situation and have usually diffused it by saying direct things along the lines of "how do you manage in the modern world with an attitude like that" but in such an OTT smiley, friendly way it seems like a joke. It has ended up with me being "the lefty feminist", which is part and parcel of this type if approach but actually did introduce more balance to the office conversation eventually.

I guess it really depends on how much of an intrinsic twat this bloke is and how much you want to keep the joke as to whether it's worth persevering though.

Good luck!

Maybe talk loudly to yourself "waste of time hiring me if you never want to listen to a thing I say... what a waste of money too!" Some men would calm down after some "you know what they say - all talk, no trousers" "Talking about your big car again? Compensating for something?" type comments.

Depends whether he's a thoughtless chap who's got into a pattern of behaviour and is just mildly dickish, or an actually nasty bit of work trying to intimidate (probably in the middle) - but if the latter, it does raise the question of why he hired you and would be good to know. Does he need your skills to get through a serious problem phase, and if so then you have both a timescale and a negotiating point.