I think my new boss is a bully

[ninilegsintheair]

I've been at my current workplace for 5 years, as part of a two man team. Last year my nice boss retired and I was left totally unsupported running our dept (I'm the admin/junior position). I had 7 months of working alone and despite asking for help I didn't get any. I almost left but couldn't find a job that suited me commute wise and could fit in with childcare responsibilities (I have sole responsibility for DC with no family support). It got so bad my GP attempted to sign me off with stress during this time - which I refused as with no-one else to do my work would mean it all would pile up.

Fast forward and my new boss started a month ago. When he started he was made aware of the background of recent months (not just by me although I know only I was honest about what has slipped by lack of resources). Unfortunately he has all the subtlety of a brick.

He gave it the big 'I realise what you've been through, I'm not going to come in and change everything'. And has done the total opposite. I've been lucky enough to have had a decent amount of autonomy about my job and hes taken it all away. I could write for ages about all the things he's changed but its easier to break it down:

• All procedures are to be changed if they havnt already (regardless of whether or not they work and this is on top of the day job)
• All paperwork is to be changed if it hasnt already - as above
• We're to go to a largely paperless system so I have to design and put together computer based systems for all of this - on top of the day job
• Parts of my job he wants me to stop doing and I'm to do other things not on my JD - because his values are different to my previous boss
• He's made us move offices and we now operate a hotdesking system with another department (which really bothers me as we deal with a lot of confidential information. I raised this concern and he ignored me)
• He wants access to all my personal appointments - we have an open calendar system but he wants to see everything
• I have an ongoing medical issue that at the moment means I have to go to physio once a fortnight. He has questioned the legitimacy of my appointments and has already asked HR if I can be made to use my annual leave for these
• I have a long standing flexible working arrangement that allows me to work from home once a week for childcare reasons - he tried to remove that then when he was told he couldn't has told me he wants a blow by blow account of what I do on this day and to be copied in to all emails
• He keeps asking me what my plans are for the future, if I intend to stay or not (!)

There's more, lots more. Every day brings new emails from him on how 'we' operate and for the first time I dread going to work. I hoped it was just growing pains but I fear not and this is just him. I feel like I'm being bullied. He has already behaved inappropriately towards other members of staff (i.e. mimicing punching someone behind their back, sadly only I saw it) and seems to be making enemies. He's loud, bullish, aggressive in his manner. I feel undermined and questioned at every turn and he blatantly doesn't want my opinion when he asks for it. He's already told me I need to take on my work than is in my JD (which I do anyway but he wants more).

I've already seen HR who were pretty much useless and told me to only keep documenting things and that I should speak to him. I admit I'm actually afraid to speak to him due to his demeanour and I know if he knew how I felt he could make my life much worse. I went back to my GP recently who tried to sign me off with stress again but I again refused - I fear he'll look at me even closer to criticise me if I do.

I'm currently going through a hellish divorce from an emotional abuser and struggling as it is - I havn't told him anything as I don't trust him and I think if I mentioned it my stress will be waved away as 'due to home issues' when work is making it much much worse.

Sadly I think ultimately I need to find a new job but this is difficult in my sector - mainly male-orientated and with sole childcare responsibility I'm going to have problems.

Any advice? Thanks for reading.

I'd would definitely accept the sick note from the doctor, at least that way you'll still get paid and have a bit of headspace to plan your next move. You can't continue like this or you'll have a nervous breakdown. Your boss sounds a total knob.

You could also ask the Citizens Advice bureau for advice or consult an employment solicitor.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through a bad time in both aspects of your life - things will get better because you are taking control - getting divorced and working out a way to deal with the work situation. Get off on the sick and once you're more rested, you'll be far more able to deal with it.
This reply isn't as considered as I would have like it to be as I'm rushing a bit but I wanted to answer and offer some support xx

Thanks Biz. I'm concerned that going off sick will only give me more problems - my employer has a poor record with stress anyway and I'm worried that new boss will just make things worse for me.

I have a very large amount of leave to use as I couldn't take much doing my time of working alone anD new boss blows hot and cold about letting me take it - ideally I could book some leave rather than go off sick. But I dont know.

They have to let you take your leave, does it have to be used up by a certain date? It is illegal to withhold leave or pay you for it. You can only carry over a certain amount.

I don't think this person will last long by the sounds of it, mimicking punching someone behind their back, only a matter of time before other people start complaining. Record these instances.

With regards the workload, each Monday list everything he wants you to do that week, with the approx timescales to complete it, take it to him and ask him to prioritise it as it adds up to more of your working week and even you can't create time from nowhere. If he says just get it done, say which ones would he like you to not do properly as even you cannot create time from nowhere.

Document every single instance of bullying, comments, actions to you and other people. If he asks 'what are your plans for the future' say 'in what context' and whilst he answers, get your bully record book out, lick your pencil and look at your watch, note the time, date, who is in the room, exactly what he said and if he asks what you are doing, say 'I have been advised to record every instance of bullying' and say NO more about it. Ever. Just record it all.

Most bullies, when faced with someone recording everything, and advice being taken from elsewhere [here and your own HR], will realise that people are onto them and back off.

Get an app that records sound on your phone and...

If he takes you into a 1-2-1 meeting to discuss, get your phone out and say 'I have been advised to record this, that's ok with you isn't it as there is nothing you wouldn't say in front of anyone else, is there?' And record it. After all, your OWN HR advised you to record everything, didn't they?

Sorry to hear what you are going through - sounds horrid and exhausting.

Firsty, I think you need a break to get some rest, look after yourself and take stock. I would either take the sick note or book some leave to do this. As Biz says, you'll feel much better and able to handle things once rested.

You don't mention other managers or your manager's manager, but is there someone else who is approachable and you could talk confidentially? Especially if there are issues around confidentiality and data management.

I think he's trying to make his mark and taking a heavy handed approach.

Querying your flexible working arrangements and medical appts is not on, but trying to see it from both sides, in getting you to justify your work and appointments, could he be trying to get his head around the job? Does he fully understand the role and the work and what you do? Especially if he is trying to change procedures and processes....

I'm not condoning his approach - it sounds aggressive and unpleasant but maybe he would back off if you did some of the things he has asked - the quick wins if you will to get him off your back and give you some breathing space?

Sharing your calendar is easily done and you can make appointments private if they are your medical appointment for instance.

I add in an appointment at the start of each day with key and urgent tasks for the day (so I don't forget) but could you do something like that on your flexible working dsys so if he wants he could see what you plan to work on each day?

Some of the tasks you mention (procedure changes) are long term tasks and not going to happen overnight, could you set out a plan to show you are working towards them incrementally?

Small things but you will be taking control and it might make life easier, so you can tackle the bigger things.

Yes he has to allow me to take leave - I've told him repeatedly that I want to save a certain amount for when I move house in a few weeks but he's asking me to book some at least several times a week. And then when I do book leave (for example to go to the solictors) he gets really funny with me.

The difficulty with a workload list is that he jumps from topic to topic in the blink of an eye - changing his priorities at least once a day and its making my head spin. You're right Alternative, I will start keeping a list.

I like the idea of an app for recording sound! Thanks.

I'm glad so far you both seem to agree with my opinion of him, when I met with HR I got the distinct impression they thought I was just being awkward

Sorry Jcee cross posts. In response to your questions-

His manager is notoriously weak at people management (this was the manager I went to during my working alone to ask for help) and he'll take the line of least resistance for him. If it boils down to it he will leave me out to dry rather than my new boss. Unions here are ineffectual so nobody really I can speak to beyond HR.

Please don't misunderstand me, I appreciate he's finding his feet (and he has a tough job) but I have explained to him many times how and why these things work and he completely ignores me. I've highlighted lots of things that need changing and I'm working to do what he asks - its just constant and leaving me feeling as though he thinks I'm a shirker and have been doing nothing in 5 years. He wants me to do as he asks, when he asks and basically have no professional or personal opinion beyond what he tells me to think. He has absolutely no sensitivity.

He has access to my calendar - the entire organisation works on an 'open calendar policy'. I make my personal appointments private to stop the rest of the company from seeing them and I can't change that so only he can view them(I've already spoken to IT). I've told him this and he still wasn't happy. I always tell him about private appointments verbally so he knows where I am.

I like the idea of the 'urgent' tasks lists for my flexible working day, I will start doing that.

I guess I just feel set upon on all sides at the moment. I admit I do resent having to waste my time covering my arse by making lists for him etc when what I want to do is to get on with doing my job. In context, I've never had a complaint against me or given my previous manager (or his boss) any reason to doubt my work or question my methods. I work very hard. I sound like a terrible whinger don't I?

Can't imagine for a minute he'll let you record meetings with him, and asking him is not likely to improve things imo.

The trouble is, objectively a lot of what you're describing is perfectly acceptable on the face of it. He is allowed to change procedures. He's allowed to go to a paperless system. He's allowed to vary your tasks a bit in line with changes to how things are done. He's allowed to implement a hotdesking system. He's allowed to ask to be copied in on emails and want details of what you are doing when working from home (if you are doing it for childcare purposes hopefully that doesn't mean you're looking after your child whilst "working"?). He's allowed to want more details as to why you are having regular time off work for medical appointments and to ask whether you are able to use annual leave for these. (Are you taking them unpaid at the moment?). In terms of the open calendar policy, surely the answer is not to put personal appointments (presumably outside work hours) on your work calendar anyway? Why are they there?

You could raise a grievance, although if it largely consists of the above type of thing, it's going to sound as though you just don't like change tbh, and I'm not sure it is likely to improve his behaviour at all. If your workload has increased because of changes to procedures that he is making, definitely raise that with him, explain why it is not doable in your hours (if that is the case), ask for support and guidance as to what he would like you to prioritise.

I'm not saying he's not bullying you - I don't know - I'm just saying if the examples of bullying you would give would be along the lines of the above, it's not going to sound like bullying, it's going to sound like a new manager changing things and an existing member of staff not liking it.

I'm with Flowery. Viewed objectively, everything you've described with the exception of the mimicking, sounds pretty standard management stuff.

The situation you describe was so bad, and the new boss comes in to try to make things better. It would be very wrong if he wasn't to change things if work is causing stress to the extent people need signed off.

He's only been in the job a month. Try to see it from his point of view - it's unlikely he's making these changes for the sole purpose of hacking you off. He will be wanting the department to run smoothly and effectively. He will prefer to do that with the people onside because it's easier that way. However, if people don't support him, he'll have to address that. That is what he is being paid for.

You say you haven't told him how you feel. That's being a bit unfair on him. You're labelling the guy a bully, reporting him to HR, and not giving him the opportunity to resolve the situation. If you find him difficult to speak to, then tell him that. It's in both your interests to clear the air.