persevere with playgroup???

[monkey]

I'd appreciate any advice on this.

I have a 2 going on 3 year old son. I am a SAHM. He has just started going to a playgroup a couple of weeks ago. It's without me, for 2 - 3 hours twice a week. It is truly awful taking him. Halfway there he starts crying that he doesn't want to go, and when I say goodbye to him he is weeping, to the point I feel like weeping too. Today he had to be prised off me. It's so hard for me. When I collect him he seems perfectly fine and excited and tells me he had a good time. He also points out other kids he likes that he played with.

I thought for a long time about finding him a playgroup or other such thing, and I had loads of reasons why it was a good idea, but now I'm wracking my brains and wonder if I'm doing the right thing. On the one hand he's only been going a couple of weeks, so not really had chance to get used to it. On the other hand am I doing the right thing persevereing with it when he seems so unhappy. i'm at home full time, so work isn't an issue. One of the reasons I arranged it was that I thought it would do him good being without me for a little bit. When he goes, my other child is napping, and I'm constantly on at him to be quiet, so I thought being able to play with other kids would be much more fun than me reminding him to talk quietly etc all the time.

Another thing, every single day, several times a day, he says "I don't want to go to playgroup today" out of the blue. Is it really troubling him so much and on his mind all the time???

If I decide (or get advised!) to ditch the playgroup, how much notice if any do you generally have to give? It's my first experience of this.

Thanks

Saga finally over. Thanks you all so much. I finally called the playgroup this morning and told them I wouldn't be bringing ds again. She was ok, she did try to make light of his upset but agreed that if he was not happy it may be best to wait, so that's that. I feel relieved that I don't have to go through that again in a couple of days time.

Not sure what I'll tell dh (or rather when). He does think I fuss and coddle hm too much - of course I don't think so. I want him to go to playgroups etc so he can play and gain a bit of independance from me but not at that price. He tells me off for being too over protective - maybe he goes too far the other way. Generally it's not too big an issue as we're not together all 4 of us that much unfortunately due to his work. Anyway we pretty much agree on how to raise him, so this isn't a real problem.

Croppy, I see what you're saying, but I think if the child isn't happy there, as my son wasn't, he's probably not happy with the carers, no matter how nice they seem to us, so even if there is an adult there, it's not mummy (or daddy or whoever is particularly important to that child), so the child probably is feeling alone and abandoned and left to cry. Loads of kids I know may cry for a couple of minutes and then be fine, but I'm talking about if they're not happy and don't stop after a short time.

Glad you've resolved the issue, Monkey. It's such a relief to just have made the decision, let alone anything else!

Monkey, glad you and your ds are happier. If and when you try again, you may want to try a childminder as the more domestic atmosphere and fewer children might not overwhelm your ds as much as the playgroup.

Nothing wrong with playgroups - my ds goes to a childminder who takes him to a playgroup - it is just that he may finder the childminder option more comforting as a first step.

Sis, I have been put off childminders. At least if you can find a nursery where they feel happy to be left then you know that they are getting organised activities and regular healthy meals. Mine even have a parents evening every 6 months where I am shown in detail how they are progressing with colours, shapes etc. I had a childminder who was giving my 2 doughnuts all day and allowing them to watch tv all day. Didn't start like this. The more relaxed and friendly I got with her the more relaxed she got with my 2.

sister, please don't think badly of childminders, we're not all bad! Go to www.think-small.co.uk and see what care can be given.

Sister, it is a real shame you had such a bad experience with a childminder. I have to say that my ds's childminder is lovely - she has far fewer activities for her charges than the playgroup but I am happy for babies and very young toddlers to just play and watch bubbles being blow etc... It also means that she has more freedom to look after ds when he is not feeling too well as there is no strict schedule to adhere to.

With ds, I found that he only "needed" the extra activities provided by the playgroup when he was about 2.5 yrs old - prior to this he was very happy just playing with the two other children at his childminders.

Monkey, glad that all sorted. good luck

Sis, I know where you are coming from and glad a childminder works for you. When I returned to work when my 2 were both 6 months old I found a childminder first because leaving a 6 month old in a big noisy nursery with lots of strangers did not feel right for their age.

thanks Batters, I used to go to the one in Battersea Park pretty regularly before we moved away. Now where I live there's not really an equivalent, but I'm hoping he'll play well with the kids next door in the summer - they're all older than him, but they seem to be making eyes at each other, so that'll be the next-best-thing I suppose. (we used to live in battersea for a few years before moving t pastures new)