Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

back to work part time-dd 3 months. am i damaging her forever?

30 replies

worksforaliving · 27/10/2006 21:59

thats my question. i'm working 2 days a week approx. sometimes can take her with me, but other days will leave her at home with my mum or niece to take care of her.
she just seems so little..
also, am still exclusively breastfeeding and intend to continue. opinions please..

OP posts:
KoshkaTheFIENDLYGhost · 27/10/2006 22:03

hope not i am in same position!

Is he close to your mum, has she babysat before?

Its only 2 days, try not to beat yourself up x

prettymummified · 27/10/2006 22:03

if you're comfortable going back to work early it should be fine, and your mum is looking after her so at least you know she will be welllooked after.

i went back to work 3 weeks after having dd 2 days a week and didnt feel any different and now have 3 month od ds and am going back in 2 weeks time. i know they will be looked after well by there nan so have no worries.

Chandra · 27/10/2006 22:05

No, you are not damaging her forever, you are just allowing her to socialise with other members of her extended family.

SittingBull · 27/10/2006 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

merryberry · 27/10/2006 22:09

Actually thnk it has even less impact than if you do it later when they are aware you are seperate beings. I went back 3 days when my ds was nearly nine months. plan to go back by 6 months after number two. good luck, enjoy the difference of being briefly adult, alone, and enjoy the extra loving energy you have for yours when you get back home. xx

bluejelly · 27/10/2006 22:10

Course you won't damage her forever. She will be with you or your mum or your niece-- she is a lucky little girl to be able to form close relationships with other people in her family.
You can continue the bfing too-- as long as you can express at work.
i went back 4 days a week when my dd was 5 months.
She is now 6 and very well balanced.
If you have to go back to work then don't feel guilty. If you can postpone it then go for that but really it sounds totally reasonable and doable.

Original poster
worksforaliving · 27/10/2006 22:22

i want to go back to work. i really enjoy myjob. mentioned being back at work at my NCT meet up and a chill wind blew through the room so thought wouldn't mention that i actually enjoy my job.
it is very important to me that she forms strong relationships with her extended family ie: aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents as this has always been the way in my family. also, where i grew up, having a nanny/helper is just what you do if you can afford it. i had one and loved her to bits. she only enriched my life and i'm grateful to have had her love and care.

i think i feel guilty for needing to do something else than endless music groups, baby yoga etc. no offence to the SAHM, but i really need to do more of a day or i go slightly crazy or worse, resentful.
do i sound defensive of my decision

OP posts:
SittingBull · 27/10/2006 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bluejelly · 27/10/2006 22:37

Then go for it, worksforaliving. You can always give it up if you hate it
And if you are taking dd with you sometimes then really she is going to have you most days.
I also found baby music things dull
By the way what job do you do? It sounds really great

Original poster
worksforaliving · 27/10/2006 22:39

very relieved on that. must just be my gang. noone going back before 6 months and all very resentful that they have to. one said with a very concerned look ' but you don't want to leave her already do you?' so didn't really feel i could talk about it there.

OP posts:
Mumpbump · 27/10/2006 22:42

My mum went back to work full-time when I was 4mo old and, as far as I am concerned, I don't think it's damaged me at all!

SittingBull · 27/10/2006 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Blu · 27/10/2006 22:56

I went back to work when DS was 3 months old - he was and is fine, and if you've got family to look after her, you'll be sure she is being loved and looked after well.

Beafryd2veryafrydnervesleft · 27/10/2006 23:04

I went back to work for 2.5 days per week when DD was 4 months old. Like you I was leaving her with my mum. She's now five and doesn't appeared damaged by the experience, in fact she has a great relationship with her Gran.

cryptmonkey · 27/10/2006 23:38

Chill, its's 2 days a week! Round where I live, some of the yummy mummies would spend the equivalent of that time between the gym and hairdressers!

Skribble · 27/10/2006 23:42

I think it can be very positive for children to spend time with other family members. 2 days is a good start, its more about how you will cope with feeding and your own emotions but DD will not be damaged.

wrinklytum · 27/10/2006 23:59

No,shes getting to meet others and is socialising with new people.Sure she will become a well rounded human being.Its only 2 days.She will be fine! HTH

cat64 · 28/10/2006 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

threebob · 28/10/2006 06:33

Know loads of people who went back to PT work with babies the same age. All of them left their babies with extended family.

Funnily enough they are now the biggest attenders of baby music/yoga etc.

Original poster
worksforaliving · 28/10/2006 17:00

sorry to leave you so abruptly last night. dd was crying after night feed so went to settle her and then went out myself.
fully appreciate that those who go back full time will not be impressed with my question, so am getting over myself a bit on that score..had brief chat with dh last night about it too. i said something about being worried about other people judging me for going back to work: he said, what is surely more important is not what others think about your choices when you become a mother, but rather what you discover about yourself. liked that. may start another thread 'what has motherhood taught you about yourself?'
sitting bull, your posts are really helpful - 'never complain, never explain' is a good one to hang on to.
as were the questions..i'm happy going back to work,but less than thrilled with childcare arrangements. have not had time to sort out a proper childminder and am a little nervous of them to be honest. any good tips on childcare options anyone?

OP posts:
Original poster
worksforaliving · 28/10/2006 17:12

have started a thread in parenting on 'what has being a mother taught you about yourself?'
anyone know how to do that thing when you say go here to go there? IYSWIM

OP posts:
Original poster
worksforaliving · 28/10/2006 17:18

me again, should explain that i am happy with my mum taking care of dd and am also happy that my niece and dd are forging such a bond so early and that that will be there for life. however, niece is young (22) and has no younger siblings or children of her own so i do feel a bit nervous about leaving dd with her all day for example, simply cos she has no experience with littlies except my one! IYSWIM. but my mum can't always take care of dd, neither can MIL so for the time being niece it is, but as i say am nervous of leaving her with her completely alone for a long day for example..hence, childcare question. also, she'll go home in jan, so should be thinking about what i will do when she goes...

OP posts:
threebob · 28/10/2006 20:24

But in January your dd will presumably be around 6 months old - which is much more usual in terms of going to a nursery or childminder for a day a week.

rustycreakingdoorbear · 28/10/2006 20:29

Your other thread is here worksforaliving

Skribble · 28/10/2006 20:54

Sh may be a young 22 but if you basicly take her under your wing and train her if she is willing she will be fine if her heart is in it. Many of us became mums at before the age a 22 or in my case worked a s a sole charge nanny. Trust your instinct on this one. You will have to decide what you prefer and what works for you.
Child minder,
Nursery,
or a couple of family members. You will have to decide that one yourself so get all the info and visits you can.