Maternity leave ends in July and I'm terrified

[cryMeASliverOfPie]

As I said my mat leave is due to end in July and I'm so terrified I have no hesitation in saying it twice. 6.5 month old DS is breastfed and we have been doing blw (not really out of choice, he won't be spoon fed) which is going a bit slowly.

I'm not too worried about the feeding issue as I'm sure this will pick up in the next few weeks. My worry is the hours me and dh work. With commute included we will both be out the house approximately 8am - 7pm.

I'm going to ask what kind of flexible working arrangements I can have. He's already asked if he can have a day or two working from home, but as he works for his dad and his dad has the mentality of a dinosaur, this was refused.

I suppose my worry is that 8-7pm is a long time. And that I'll be crap at my job when I go back. And that my baby will be sad. I also hate that dh will not be able to reduce his hours at all and that it's my career that will take the hit. Naively we thought his dad would be more accommodating.

Am lying in bed right now with that sick, anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Totally normal to feel like that. I have just gone back to work, 2 months earlier than planned (my mat leave cover left and felt I should step in). My Ds was 8.5 months when I went back and is dropped at nursery by DH at 7am (bless him, he's the first in). We then have a nanny for the afternoon who is with him until 6. So 11 hours away from us, just like your DS will be.
He loves nursery, whenever I quiz the staff about how he's been they say the same thing 'always smiling'. He eats like a horse there and seems to enjoy being around the other kids. He is also BF, I feed him first thing and before bed.
I won't deny that being away from him can be hard, and there are times he is less enthusiastic to go to nursery. But we have found childcarers we trust and are confident leaving him with (I think this is key) and tbh I am so busy at work, I don't pine for him, I just have to get on with it and look forward to hometime. You won't know how you feel until you do it, and I dreaded it but I honestly feel like I'm doing the right thing (being back at work) and I know he is safe and happy.
As for being crap at your job. I doubt things will be that bad. On the other hand, when I have pointless meetings right at the end of the day (when otherwise I could be on my way home)...
HTH

Thank you tintin, that's exactly the sort of reassurance I was looking for! You're right, childcare is key and something we'll have to start looking into as soon as possible. A nanny plus nusery like you've got sounds perfect.

Nursery*

Despite my confidence at leaving DS at nursery, he did seem a wee bit tiny to be there 11 hours a day. Hence the nanny to soften the blow (for us as much as him). Means he gets his post-lunch nap at home and has some 1-2-1 in the afternoon. I decided that I was happy to throw more money than I needed to at childcare if it meant I felt happier going back to work.