Embarrassed & worried about questions at a six month review

[Eleanor111]

Six months into my new job, had my six month review.

All went well but, at the end, the manager mentioned the team that I'm in. All working well? Everyone sharing responsibility? Everyone getting on? Because it's not always like that in teams ...

I was a bit surprised but said, yes, all was fine and, yes, responsibilities shared.

Actually, the truth is a little different. I'm in a team of three and the other two get on particularly well together - plan things together - socialise together - exclude me on a fairly regular basis. I do my utmost not to let this affect my work. I work hard - no-one is saying that I don't - and I think that I'm generally respected in the organisation. I try hard to get on well with my immediate team colleagues and don't let the fact that I'm unhappy being sidelined rather a lot too obvious in my dealings with them.

Now, I'm worried that one or both of them said something negative in their reviews and that our manager was really alluding to that. Perhaps I should have asked what basis she had for asking and then said, 'Well, actually, there is a bit of problem ...'?

I'm embarrassed, upset that a colleague may have spoken negatively about me - word spreads in that place. Should I now get back to her and ask her if there was something behind her casual questions at the end and then tell her that I am a little unhappy and does she have any suggestions? Or let this go? Or ask colleagues directly if they said anything (I don't really favour that option, though).

Any thoughts? Thanks -

Hi! Does the manager seem like a reasonable and intelligent person? If so, she is probably trying to help and if I were you, I would say something - if you can. It's tricky because you need to sound grown up and calm and that can be hard with this kind of thing, but I bet she does realise there's an issue, and I bet she knows it isn't you. So, you could say something and maybe make some suggestions about ideas to help resolve the situation?

During my annual performance review my manager always asks whether things are going alright with my colleagues. We are a close knit group and have no issues at all. I wouldn't let my mind run away from me simply based on those questions.

It may be based on her observations.
Your colleagues may not have said anything.

I think she was probably giving you the opportunity to talk about being excluded, and I think it would be okay to mention it, in the way Fab suggests.

Are you sure these questions aren't just routine?
Just a way of checking that there aren't problems they don't know about maybe?

Thank you, all, for your thoughts and support. I am torn between hoping that this manager was simply asking routine questions (though what was with the 'it isn't always like this (ie teams working well), is it?' and thinking that her line of questioning at the end of the review was driven by something that one or both of these colleagues had said to her during their very recent reviews.

Starkadder - she is reasonable (I think - I don't know her very well) and pretty bright so she may have been trying to give me an opening. I told a fib - saying all was good - when actually I am pretty lonely in the office. These colleagues won't collaborate and work with me in the way that they do with each other. It's tough - but I'm really embarrassed about the prospect of this having gone further than our four walls and, especially, that they may have criticised me at their reviews. Maybe I should seek her out next week (we hardly ever see her normally) and tell me that I've been a bit anxious about her question or simply ask her, as you suggest FubULouise, if has any suggestions about more co-operative team working.

In, I fear, for some anxious nights until this thing is settled one way or another.

Oh, I do feel for you. Things like this can take you straight back to the feeling of being the one left out in the playground. But it isn't your fault or anything you should be ashamed of; even if they did say something, that's not your problem. They sound pretty unpleasant, tbh. Ask her advice as a grown up, professional seeking help from a manager in a difficult situation.