Back to work after 8 yrs - how to share household responsibilities

[Shirleycantbe]

Following the recent Court of Appeal divorce decision essentially removing a spouse's rights to long term spousal maintenance in the event of divorce, I have realised how at risk I've placed myself being a SAHM enabling my husband to build his career.

So despite our marriage being currently great, I feel I need to protect myself and rebuild my career by working full time in an effort to gain back some of the ground I have lost while looking after 2 DDs.

Problem is, we are currently in a very traditional set up where I do pretty much everything domestic including DIY etc while DH focuses on his job (which has worked for us and everyone's been happy with).

Has anyone else gone back into full time work after this sort of situation? How do you share domestic responsibilities? Eg finding regular childcare? school holiday childcare? Ill children? All the household admin from buying clothes to dentist appointments to food shopping to DIY?

I need to start the conversation with my DH but it feels all very difficult at the moment. Our current lifestyle works really well for all of us and I know the future will be much more stressful for everyone. Ironically the money I bring in even working full time will be eaten up with childcare and other expenses.

Gah. Any words of wisdom welcome.

If you feel vulnerable you probably are tbh so good for you for thinking about it.

I think it's hard - we've both worked FTOTH mostly so this hasn't cropped up too much but really I think there are a few things that might help:

• Both agreeing with the plan and understanding what it means
• Both agreeing that income is joint - salary shouldn't come out of just YOUR salary, why should it? They're his children too
• getting help ie a cleaner
• chores list for everyone at weekends and evenings
• batch cooking and taking it in turns to cook
• shop online

Good luck, it's worth it Imo

I think it is always worth considering your independance....

You need to write down what needs doing and assign it together and put the list/schedule on the wall.

There maybe an element that your DH will need time to 'catch up' - ie he won't know what you put in lunchboxes as an eg. But that can be helped by him writing a list of what goes in them and committing to doing it of an evening as generally less stressful.

If might be tempting to think it is easy to 'just do it myself', so you need to try not to do that. I am just aware I can do that...

We have found one doing the childcare drop and the other collecting as the 'norm' as good set up. If either of us needs to swop our responsibilites then we arrange it with the other and we write it in our diaries.

We have a weekly run through of the calendar on Sunday nights for the coming week so we are both clear on who is doing what.

We share time off with the sick DC and it depends who can more easily cover that day.

Think about a cleaner. We have one every other week and whilst it would be nice to do have her weekly it does.
Meal plan and do online shopping.

Be realistic. It will take time for you all to adjust, so don't feel like it has to all work perfectly from the off.

Good luck back in employment.

And holiday childcare is mainly about planning and money. There are generally options (depending on where you love) for clubs for at least primary aged kids.

I have already booked my DS's summer camp place and asked DM & DF and BIL if they can take him for a day or two. I have a spreadsheet.

Err where you live not love!!

Op, think you're being v wise! Come to same realisation but from. Less happy foundation- dh doesn't see how me being at home with our dds enabled him to work internationally at the drop pf a hat and increase his salary from £40 something to £125k over past 10 years obviously I could easily have done this as part-timer etc. i just haven't tried hard enough