Bullied at work and scared to get another job :(

[flyingbunnies]

Not sure if this belongs here, but have been worrying about it for the past few months so I thought it might help to share.

I worked for a well-known store for four years in one location with no problems. About a year and a half ago now, I was able to move locations to somewhere nearer to my home, because I had moved when I got married. That was when the problem started.

I was bullied from about two months after I started there, until I resigned four months ago. I was shouted at, humiliated, lied to, pressured to work extra hours for free when they knew my hours needed to be fixed, talked about behind my back and refused promotion opportunities despite the fact that I was older and better educated than my actual manager.

I resigned and got my doctor to sign me off with stress finally after a co worker went to my manager and told him I was 'being rude' to her (I still have no idea why she did this as I had always been completely normal to her.) He made me go into his office with her so that she could 'confront' me, without even asking me about this (made up) situation beforehand. They both shouted at me, and I was so shocked that I finished my shift like a robot and broke down on the way home. I never could bring myself to go back.

I thought about bringing a case for unfair dismissal, but I have read how hard it is to prove, and certainly nobody there will back up what I say. I am still horrified by what happened to me there and how long I put up with it, but the main problem now is that I am too afraid to go back to work.

I have turned into a recluse. I can go a whole week without leaving my house. I do things at home; look after my pets, gardening, cooking, but strangely I have become very afraid of contact with people and I am not sure what, if anything, I should do now. I have been making a bit of money by selling my artwork online, but I still think it is a bit unfair on my husband to shoulder the whole financial burden, though I rarely spend money and he hasn't said anything to me.

I would like to hear if anyone has similar experiences and how you coped, and if anyone has some views or advice. Thank you.

If you left four months ago, you may be too late to go for unfair dismissal anyway, as there are quite strict timelines on it.

Have you tried talking to your husband about it, and how you feel? Find out how he feels - if he's now the main source of money for the household, that will have changed the importance of his work. Do you know how he feels about that? How has it affected the household finances? Have you had to make a lot of cutbacks? Obviously this will give some indication of how important it is for you to make a financial contribution.

I think it could be a good thing to get out and about a bit - I say this having seen hardly anyone between Christmas Eve and the first full week of January, as I was working from home on the working days, and just not seeing anyone on the other days, and it was too much time in my own company, not good for my mental health - I'm used to being on my own, but that was too much. Do you do anything like go to the library or the gym or something? How about doing something where you don't necessarily have to talk to other people, but they are there, such as swimming - you can just go up and down the lane and not talk at all. Or maybe there could be a local class that would interest you, which would mean you are there with people, but it's in the context of having a particular focus, and would only be for a limited time (e.g. two hours.) If you get used to going out and being with people, and then progress on to talking to people, then going back to work might not seem so daunting.

I would be inclined to report them to the next level of management. Not because it will get you your job back but because it might give them the rattle they so clearly deserve.

however, for your situation, have you considered counselling?

Are there any home working options you could do that might bring in money? Or dog walking (would get you out, earn money and I find dogs much less stressful company than people). There are also volunteer gardening things for later in the year that allow light contact with others e.g. gardening for health groups or national trust properties often have volunteer weeders. (I quite fancy myself wafting round an NT property with secateurs deadheading the roses).

I would try to ease yourself out of the reclusive behaviour before it becomes to entrenched.

Sorry this hsppened to you though.what awful people. But not everyone is like that. In fact very few people are

I know these options don't necessarily bring in a lot of money but it might work as a transition or it might just suit you just now.

Hi,

OMG! What horrid people you have been working with. I tend to agree with the previous poster...report them to higher management. It is disgusting that someone can get away with that.

You really do need to get out and start moving on from the situation. Ask your GP for a chat...he/she can refer you for counselling.

Can you train in another job? Anything else out there that you take an interest in? Well away from the retail world.

I really feel for you. What a horrible thing to do to someone. Big hugs x

Don't let them arseoles make you feel like this!

I promise you, through my own personal experience, (I was bullied, outcasted, signed off for over a month, prescribed AD's, had panic attacks, couldn't leave the house, was paranoid)

Best thing I did was get another job, my confidence grew and I now really enjoy my job and my colleagues are really nice.

Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing they made/helped you feel like this. They aren't worth it!

Thank god you are out of there! They did you a favour!

Don't worry about references either, they cannot legally provide you new employer with a bad one!

Have you actually resigned? Only because you talk about going back? And being signed off?

If you've not actually resigned you should raise a grievance internally about your manager. You have years of satisfactory employment with this company.

If you have definitely already resigned and are no longer employed by this firm, I think, unfortunately, you would find it difficult at a tribunal, not least because of the £1,200 cost but also because as you say it is hard to evidence.

If you do decide to move on, you should remember the years of previous trouble free employment you've had and focus on this rather than those nasty few months.

When I suggested reporting them to higher management it was with the hope that they would call them in to investigate. They probably couldn't prove anuthing but it might give the nasty bastards a few sleepless nights.

But yes, I agree with PPs. Move on. People like this are in the minority.

I'm so sorry to hear this and hope you are ok. I have had some similar experiences in my time. I was bullied at school and have also been bullied in the work place. I'm well educated but lack confidance because I saw alot of violence as a kid. Bullies will generally target those they see as weaker or whom they may also see as a threat. I went back to work last April after a 'career break'. Not really a break but a break from my usual, high stress career. Little did I know I was entering a can of worms. After initially feeling targetted and bullied I began to quietly fight back. I reported some bad practice ( the people we were supposed to be caring for were also being bullied ) 3 of the bullies were suspended or sacked and a vulnerable woman was protected from them. It turned out they had been bullying other staff too. I left of my own volition to work somewhere else. It's much better, with more educated and caring staff. It's not perfect but it's a vast improvement and I'm now working towards going back to my original career. If I had any advice it would be to plan a way to move forward. Don't bear a grudge or let things fester as this will only hold you back. If you feel anger that's fine and normal but use tit to your advantage. Tell these people you will not let them hold you back. When I was uncertain I trained as a volunteer mentor and this gave me a lot of confidance and made me realise that I still had a lot of skills to offer. Talk to your husband if he is receptive or maybe a close and trusted friend. Take small steps but try to move forward and find things that you enjoy doing but which also allow you to meet other like minded people. Could go on forever but hopefully you get the gist!

Sorry about the 'typo' error, made me chuckle!

I have also experienced this. I stupidly soldiered on until everything became unbearable and I ended up stressed, depressed and totally anxious. It has taken me months to calm down. But I can now turn around and say it's you, not me. I left because I knew the person already had form and it would also go unchallenged. Now I'm in the process of moving on. I'm starting to do temp or contract work with the intention of building confidence and new skills. I also have energy for many projects I wanted to do but stress, workload and bullying behaviour had sapped me of all energy and joy, now I can focus again. Like almendras I too realised that I have a lot to offer and a lot I want to do and more importantly I won't put up with the same situation again. My successor has my condolences . Talk to trusted friends etc and you will put these nasty people behind you.

Write it all up and send it to the head office. Bullies are nasty little shits (met a few myself).