Is she happy at nursery?

[dinny]

Hi, I'm worrying about dd's return to nursery after the Easter break. Last week I took her to the nursery Easter party and she was so clingy to me, quiet and didn't want to eat at tea. Her reports say she is quiet but generally happy and content at nursery. She is very loud at home, so this worries me a bit. I am pleased with the nursery - it is very small, they don't use agency staff, they are very loving. But I worrry I am somehow scarring dd for life. She is nearly two, goes to nursery two days a week and has been there for about 8 months. Does anyone have similar worries about their child? Thanks, Dinny

Oh Dinny, yes, I do understand. We had ds at a fabulous nursery and luckily for us he was never clingy which only adds to the agony. But I still wondered frequently whether I was scarring him for life too. He is now a socially adept, cheerful little guy with a lot of very happy memories of the lovely staff at his nursery.
The answer, as you hopefully know deep down, is NO YOU AREN'T because she has loving parents and is in a carefully chosen, good quality daycare environment.
I am sure her clinginess was only because you were there with her - not usual. We did find that ds was a little unsettled after being out for holidays and so on, but he always settled back really quickly.
Hugs. I've just sent dd back to nursery for the first time in nearly two weeks and have been sitting at my desk worrying about exactly the same thing. No fun, is it.

Thanks, Marina. She just seems so little to be facing the world without her mummy. Am going to start crying in a mo (spoke to nursery and she is playing happily this morning).

I get shivers down spine when I drive past a nursery I rejected - like thank God she's not there!

I don't know if this helps, but my ds (now 9) was very happy at nursery and has good memories of it now. However, what he could never handle was his two worlds coming together- if we were at nursery for tea parties and so on he would just shut down completely, and refuse to interact with nursery staff or children at all, because we were there. He was just the way you describe- wouldn't eat, wouldn't join in the songs, clung on to me. But I know he wasn't like that the rest of the time, and I can promise you he's not scarred for life, he's a lovely, affectionate confident boy. My dd, now 6, was also always much noisier at home than at nursery until she was about 4; up until then I think she was just a bit shy of the older children. Again, she's not scarred at all!

I had the same worries, but they were not borne out by experience. Try not to worry, Dinny

Oh, Tamum - that is EXACTLY what she sounds like. Can't handle her little worlds coming together. She went so introverted at the tea party. It was awful. I came away nearly crying (pregnant, so extra hormonal!)

So glad to hear your ds has happy memories and is a scar-free young man. It is a real comfort to hearthat. Thanks x

Oh bless you, I do know how you feel, it's awful when you're worried about them like that. I think some children just compartmentalise things and don't like that being disturbed. My ds is still a bit shy with his friends at school fetes and things because we're there, but I know he's not like that the rest of the time!
Chin up xx

When she gets dropped off, she goes very quiet (even though has been chattering happily all the way up the path to door). It's like she is psyching herself up for the transfer over.

I was exactly the same - hated seeing parents in "my" world, if I remember correctly.