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Original poster

Nursing mothers on mat leave, not allowed baby at work's Christmas lunch

60 replies

squins · 01/12/2014 17:55

Ironically, I work in the social inclusion department of a large organisation. I'm on maternity leave and feel like I've been excluded from the Christmas lunch party this year as I'm not allowed to take my two month old baby due to 'health and safety' issues. The event is at a pub which allows babies and children, the decision not to allow them came from my work's management...not from the pub. I cannot leave babe, as I'm breastfeeding and my partner has to work.
There are only four other women who are on maternity leave, who also cannot make the event.
My line manager and colleagues are all in support of me and cannot understand management's problem.
Just how discriminatory is this? how far can I push my query into why I can't bring the baby? It's just lunch in a pub with good friends and colleagues.

OP posts:
ScarlettOHaraHamilton · 08/12/2014 14:23

But isn't it more just one of those unfortunate things, rather than actually discriminatory? Like if a friend threw a child-free wedding. What the OP is talking about is a social event, really.

Bowchickawowow · 08/12/2014 19:15

It would be much more "intrusive" I suppose to have an 8/9 year old there who will be earwigging for any naughty words!

why can't people "let their hair down" Hmm with a baby there? It is a work lunch, not a nightclub.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 08/12/2014 19:17

But the OP isn't even at work - she's on mat leave!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 08/12/2014 19:17

So how can it be discriminatory if she isn't meant to be there in the first place...

Viviennemary · 08/12/2014 19:21

I can see why colleagues would want a no babies rule at a Christmas lunch. Because then people would want to bring along toddlers and where would it all end.

TheRealMaryMillington · 08/12/2014 19:29

Sorry OP I feel a bit unsympathetic about this. You are on mat leave, so its nice that they invited you at all, really, they are not deliberately trying to exclude you. I can understand people not especially wanting people's children at a boozy do in a pub. The H&S is a nonsense, obvs. If it is so very important to you to go, could your partner not take the afternoon off? Perhaps there are other people with childcare issues (appreciate an EBM baby isn't just about childcare btw) whom they could not allow to bring their kids. Or perhaps they want you to be present there as employee, not mother.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 08/12/2014 19:35

I would be tempted to get a load of your friends with babies together (maybe the other ml mums) and go and see on the next table. Perhaps letting the babies cry for a tiny bit longer than I normally would.

Theboulderhascaughtupwithme · 11/12/2014 18:51

Oh OP please please book a table with your other mat leave friends at the party and report back to us!!!

Theboulderhascaughtupwithme · 11/12/2014 18:52

The point really being that your work have chosen to book a table in a family friendly pub at lunch time, therefore there may well be other babies and kids there whilst they 'let their hair down'. So why be petty enough to exclude you??? My kids were really well behaved at two months old, hardly a peep out of them as long as they were fed!!!

fatterface · 11/12/2014 18:56

I don't think it's discriminatory.

Some events are child friendly and some are child free. This isn't a breastfeeding issue.

BikeRunSki · 11/12/2014 19:18

We are not allowed children on wirk premises or at work organised events off premises, since a toddler fell down the stairs I our head office and died from their injuries. Seems fair enough to me. But I do like the idea that the ladies on met leave could also just hapipen yi be having lunch in the same place, at the same time, although I suppose it would have to strictly be at their own expense not to be associated with work.

Tistheseasontobepissy · 11/12/2014 19:23

Maybe they just don't want babies or children there and tbh neither would I.

namechangeforissue · 17/12/2014 11:54

You wouldn't be allowed to bring your baby in to a work meeting whilst on mat leave...

That depends on the work. I have taken my DC1 as a small compliant baby to a work meeting in a cafe (it was a central location for colleagues from different sites, one of my KiT days but no managers said it was a H&S issue to take DC1), have taken both DC1 and DC2 as babies into the office to show them off briefly chat about work and non-work issues, and my line manager suggested as a solution to my problem of not having enough time/KiT days to complete a task before returning to work that he "hold the baby while I typed" (I wanted him to wangle a change of deadline, he didn't see the need having been such a hands on dad that his DP was around constantly and never left him alone with them but hey he worked from home so that's the same isn't it ).

He didn't actually specify whether he'd be holding the baby in the office or at my house, nor whether he'd be preparing DC1's bottles/weaning foods/changing all DC1's nappies/amusing the then-9-month-old DC1 too.

wavesandsmiles · 18/12/2014 16:48

I started a new job when DS2 was 4 months old, with my employer knowing full well I was breastfeeding. The first week I was there I was invited to a "welcome to the team lunch". I explained that I could come IF my baby could come as I was at that stage (and for a few months after) taking lunch hours to go and breastfeed my baby at nursery. That was no issue whatsoever, so I sat down with my baby at the table, breastfed him (without a giant napkin!) and enjoyed the meal, and my new colleagues seemed to enjoy cuddles with him too.

Since then, to enable the breastfeeding to continue, my employer has had a friend fly out with my baby and I when I've had to travel for business, and this has included the baby coming along to work lunches and dinners with the global management team. And yes, I happily breastfed him at those.

But I guess I am super lucky (and I do appreciate very much how accommodating my employer is!)

BackforGood · 18/12/2014 17:04

I too am stunned by your response to this.
you are on long term leave. You dont need to be there at all. Whoever is organising it has been thoughtful enough to let you know you are welcome, in case you want to join them.
At that point, you make choices - a) try to express and get a sitter...b) get sitter to be nearby so you can meet them if needed....c) pop in for a short while to say hi, inbetween feeds....d) say, 'sorry, Ive made the choice not to leave dc yet while they are so young. Thanks for asking me and hope you all have a great time'.

You don't start trying to dictate / change the terms of the invitation or dynamics of the event.
Very similar as someone else said, to moaning about being invited to a child free wedding.
Presumably nothing to stop you meeting up with those who want to for a pub lunch, with baby, another day ?

SnowBells · 18/12/2014 17:04

Problem is this - if she dropped the baby during the Xmas lunch... who would foot the bill?

We had one Xmas do once and went ice skating before going for dinner. Someone fell, and hit her head on the ice. She was out for weeks.

We no longer go ice skating.

Celticlass2 · 18/12/2014 17:10

I reckon your colleagues just want to have a proper grown up lunch withouth babies present. Imagne that..
You sound attention seeking. This really isin't about you, but you are trying to make it so.

Camolips · 18/12/2014 17:22

What backforgood said!

Maybe they only said it's a H&S issue because they couldn't think of a nice way of saying that they didn't want babies there.

Xmasbaby11 · 18/12/2014 17:26

It's a work do - I wouldn't expect babies or children to be allowed.

Iggi999 · 18/12/2014 17:31

Very normal where I work to bring a baby into a meeting whilst on ML.
Can't believe posters saying she's lucky to be asked since she's on leave - you do know that all the rights of the employee continue whilst on leave, they must be informed of internal vacancies etc just as if they were in work that day? How exclusive to say she's no right to go to a work's party - she a bloody employee!

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/12/2014 17:38

What backforgood said.

you left to have a baby. others will have no interest in meeting your baby or having it there during lunch. that's ok.

It's an invite fir you not your family.

AllSorted · 18/12/2014 17:38

Wow! Stunned at some of these responses.
Why would you be invited? Umm...shes in mat leave, not dead - attending social events is a great way to keep up with what is going on at work. I would have thought it would be discrimination to not invite someone on mat leave (though obviously couldn't force them to come)

No babies in meetings? Well, depends where you work. I have breastfed my baby through an all dat work meeting whilst still on mat leave but that was useful for me to attend

As for the pub - as you could go there if it wasn't a work do, absolutely no way can there be a real h&s reason against it

Celticlass2 · 18/12/2014 18:00

I'm just thinking what my colleagues would say if somebody wanted to bring their baby to a works lunch. It's unprintable Wink

Iggi999 · 18/12/2014 19:17

Giles you should see what happens in my workplace if someone brings in a baby. Johnny Depp covered in Nutella wouldn't get a look in Grin

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/12/2014 21:34

I couldnt bring a baby into my work place. illegal to be allowed In. however I've been offered cash for them

I go to work to get away from my kids.Grin

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