Timing & family planning!

[desimamma]

Helllow all..

am a newbie and would love to hear some of your valued opinions.I am 28,soon to be 29 and 10 weeks into my pregnancy.I have always been a working woman and now,ofcourse,as I am relocating to the big bad world of US of A,I have resit plenty of exams and prove my qualifaicatins all over again.That doesnt worry me all that much..u read and u reap ur benefits.
The troubling thing on my mind is what my hubby suggested to me recently..about having our 2nd child a few months after the first..that way,we can shut down our baby-producing factory and also,escape the brutal working laws of America.This would ofcourse mean that I get into work almost 3 years later in 2009..and am really not aure about this.I am thinking how this narrow gap would be for the kids and what about my own growth as an individual??
all u shrinks out there..please start brainstorming and typing..

Thanks a lot in advance,
DM

First thing is to get over the birth -- we were in no shape to think about trying for another a few months after darling DD arrival. (she didn't sleep through until 10.5 mths!) but lets assume that you are up and will to give it a go. I must say I think it depends on having a laid back baby.

You have the advantage that your children will be only 1 school year apart. which makes logistics for childcare much easier for after school. Before they go to school isn't too much of an issue with childcare. However, having 2 DC so close together is a lot of hard work. Both my DC had colic (DS ws worse with 12 hrs of screaming a day), so can't imagine going from one newborn to another. They didn't really get "easier" until they hit 2 and could talk, walk and do things themselves.

BUT I have a number of friends with easy going first babes that have fairly close gaps. The closest being 13 mths apart. And a best friend that had 3, 3yrs and under. The one with the 13 mth gap, never had to go through the jealousy stage as her DS never remembered a time before his sister arrived. Which is a plus

Keep in mind that you will be in a new country. Unless you are moving to an area where you know people already, you will have no support system nearby. You will be working out how things work. US maternity laws are poor -- we moved to the UK to take advantage of the system here. In the US they also tend to start school later.

Good luck with your pg and your move. Where are you moving to?

USAUK mum...thanks for that!! am moving to Phili..and yup,we just have to wait and watch i guess..fingers and toes xed!!

Hi. I have 2 daughters 14 and 27m, so theres a 13m gap. I think it has worked well for us although second dd was a suprise i was still b/f and wasn't expected to catch at all. If you are intending to feed this usually has a way of spacing them out a bit more - not in my case, lol.

It is very hard work at times - no denying that. but i am sure it is hard whatever ages you have your children.

My 2 are starting to play together, i look forwrad to them both being intersetd in the same things and going to clubs together and things. They do fight sometimes but only as any siblings would and i had no jealousy from my oldist until recently now my youngest is walking and piching all her toys, lol. I still have 2 in nappies and have had for 14m, so thats not brilliant. Transpoting them can be tricky but i've got a great double buggy so that helps.

I'd say concentrate on your first and wait and see what happens, took me a while to except that we were doing it all again so soon, but you do just get on with things.

If i could do things again i wouldn't change a thing but if you'd have asked me 6 months ago i think i'd have said i'd have waited another 6 months. HTH Gemma

We lived just the other side of the river from Philly, about 20 min drive, (Moorestown, not to be confused with Morristown) when we first got married -- we moved to the UK 11 yrs ago now. Phily is not a bad US city, but my DH couldn't warm to it.

If you are going to have your babe in the States, it is worth checking your DH's job has health insurance with it and if you are covered. When my SIL had her baby in Boston they charged about $1000 a night for the hospital. Plus you pay for OB and baby checks as well as the birth itself.

Friend has a 13 month gap and it looks very hard work to me. Both are strong willed girls (lovely but they know their own minds!) and while one toddled one way the other would crawl in the opposite direction. It also took a huge toll on her physically.

I have 18 months between mine which was also hard work but my first is pretty laid back and the second although pretty stubborn was a later mover and quite content to hang out with me so not so physically stressful.

I am expecting number 3 and haven't ruled out a fourth. I spent years in education training for a career and worked for a couple of years in my chosen career but I wanted children and I am not planning on having any sort of career in the forseeable future. Not what I envisaged!

I should wait and see how you feel when your baby is here. You may be someone who feels totally fulfilled by being a full time mother or you may want to get out to work in some capacity. You won't know until the baby is here. You may want more than two which will probably mean quite a big career break. Also, from having spent time in the States - including Philly (I liked it!), child rearing is quite different. I couldn't find any evidence of toddler groups, coffee mornings, etc. that we enjoy here in England. Mothers either seem to be full time stay-at-home moms (literally) who take their children to gym classes but not to draughty church halls or full time working moms with their children in full time daycare. The first one means that you could feel quite isolated with little ones all day.

In other words, I'd keep my options open and see how things turn out!

thx so much guys..appreciate ur help..ta