Dealing with the fear of a greatly reduced income

[Sweetasstevia]

Won't bore you with my complex back story save to say we are suddenly facing a big drop in income due to a work issue. DH are trying to be stoic about it / looking for ways to raise extra cash and are eeking out our meagre savings but I can't help being gripped by fear which is not helpful at all. Spoke to tax credits helpine this morning which was comforting but realistically things are going to be very, very tight for a while and Christmas / DS1's birthday in January are going to have to be very low key, food shopping is going to have to be lean and low cost and we are going to have to watch the bills like a hawk. I keep telling myself we are so lucky - we are healthy, happy together as a family and we have loving parents who could help if it really got bad but I still have awful panic attacks in the night and I can't sleep well. Please help me and say things to make me feel brave.

That should say 'DH and I'

I was facing redundancy last year and I think even if you know if is financially do able it will be difficult.

Try writing out a budget, look at money you will save eg childcare, cost of travel to work, coffee at lunch time ect.

If you don't already do it loom at reducing your outgoing now by changing utility providers and doing the food shopping brand challenge.

It must be a scary time. Is there a chance of getting another job? Have you looked at the moneysavingexpert website for ideas on stretching your finances further?

Thank you both - lots of good tips here. This is going to sound really pathetic but what I find hardest is having to turn things down or not being able contribute to things. We had to turn down a few outings this half term because I couldn't justify the expense and I hate telling people that we are in this mess. I'm in my mid 40's I feel we should have planned better for the situation we are in. I feel feckless and dumb and like I've let my two boys down :( :(

Don't underestimate the emotional impact of redundancy. Be kind to yourself and find ways to boost your self
esteem and wellbeing eg doing
something cheap or free with
the kids and reminding yourself
how much kids love time and
attention from a parent.
It's really hard not to feel like a failure but lots of other people have faced redundancy and they're not failures so try to be as kind to yourself as you would be to them.

I was in this situation last year. Don't feel bad about turning invites down. I found people are very understanding about redundancy. Like you say it's financially doable so you aren't in the worst situation. It did really knock my self esteem so be kind to yourself. And about the feckless and not planned issue. What else could you have done? You can't live your life thinking you will be made redundant everyday.

Oh wow everyone! I am in tears reading your lovely messages - thank you so much. Skyler I get exactly what you mean about the comfort thing. This situation has made me realise that I was / am unduly attached to the finer things in life but they were not really making me any happier having them. I have spent a lovely afternoon sewing with my neighbour whilst our children played. Things like this are priceless!

Hi Sweetasstevia,

:) It sounds already like you're starting to embrace being uncomfortable! Great stuff!

Love,

Skyler

Hi Sweet,
I've had notice that I'm being made redundant and my last paid day is early December.
Like you it's financially doable, but going to be very tight.
I've taken advice from my mum about budgeting (ashamedly I should have always being doing this), and now have a tight budget with my ''housekeeping money". After a biggish shop, I will now split the remaining into weeks.. God I hope it works!

As for everyone else's comments/ suggestions, I'm looking for as many free activities to do with my daughter now that I'm the childcare provider!

I shall follow with interest and pinch any good ideas

Blimey.
Nothing weird on here.
Nothing at all.

Under threat last year (thankfully didn't happened) but we were so convinced that we had every bill/direct debit written down and sat there working out what could and couldn't be cancelled. It was a very stressful time as it was weeks from being told of the possibility and finding out if job was to be kept or not. I hardly slept with worry but in the day in front of DH I was the most positive person in the world.
It is natural to worry, Is this going to be a long or short term situation?

Try not to worry, you will settle into it very quickly. My dh was made redundant with 4 weeks notice without any redundancy pay when I was two months pregnant. We had no savings.
I won't lie, it was really really tight, and really really scary. Because DH was in construction, and because it was 2009, there were no jobs out there for him. Nothing at all. So he retrained, which cost us ££££'s, which we had to get a loan for.
The practical things: tell tax credits your circa have changed, if you are in crisis (which we were!) they will base this years payments on this years income, not last. Check your entitlement to other benefits/free nhs prescriptions/council tax assistance. We were entitled to a mortgage holiday because dh retrained, which we took. Do a proper financial health check, Martin's moneysaving is a good place to start. Check your insurances, energy etc.
Aldi really really is your friend, and find out when they reduce stuff at your local Tesco/Morrison's etc. For two years I was there every Wednesday at 7.00 with sharp elbows. Batch cook what you buy. Market for fruit and veg after 4.00 for discounts.
The good news is that it will get better again. Fast forward five years and dh is self employed, successful and happy. We have caught up with the mortgage and paid down all the debt we took out.
And we have learnt to be more frugal. Spending habits have changed for good, and I am far more financially canny.
Don't panic.

Hiya, hope is so much more powerful than fear! Stay focused on what you want and need to happen, nothing else! Have you ever thought of starting your own home based business?