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Original poster

Having a baby excites my but I 'should' sort out my career

15 replies

navygirlfriendneedsadvice · 20/10/2014 21:44

How is it so hard to fit having a family and a career together.

I want to get a career because that is what I should do. What I'm expected to do. I want to start a family because that's what excites me. I've always wanted to have a family young.

I've always thought I'd be a teacher but I'm worried that there will never be a good time while teaching to fit in a healthy family life. I'm 22 and still need to do my PGCE in order to start considering a teaching career. Then there is the NQT that I would need to do too by that time I'd be pushing on 25 and I always thought I would have started trying for a baby sooner. But then j have also considered having a baby between the PGCE and NQT year. Is that a possibility? I just don't want to regret anything.

Also my partner is in the navy so his work commitment means he has to go away which also means I would have to make more sacrifices starting a family because I would need to be there more. Which I don't think I would mind but then that would be another strain on a career weather new or established. Any advice on any part of this please.

OP posts:

VenusRising · 20/10/2014 21:51

You don't sound like you've sorted your priorities out, and sorry to be blunt, you sound very immature about yourself and your life.

I'd keep on studying and working, and put the babies on hold until I was more of a grown up myself.

Having said that, that could be terrible advice for you- you're at your peak fertility now, so you'll really have to make the decisions yourself based on your own health and your DHs fertility etc etc.

Maybe talk with a guidance counsellor, or someone irl to help you examine the issues for you and your DH. And get your and your DHs fertility checked so you know there's plenty of time for a family in the future (or not).

Good luck.

Messygirl · 20/10/2014 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

callamia · 20/10/2014 22:05

There's lots of 'I' here - do you know what your partner wants or thinks? This might need to be considered too.

You could do teacher training after you've had children, if you have the right qualifications and experience to get on a PGCE course. Have you been applying for PGCE study already? I don't think people necessarily get a place first time, so you might want to factor that in? Do you really want to teach? Or are you just leaning towards it because it feels like a sensible career to have?

There will always be something that doesn't quite work - it's tough to feel totally relaxed and content with your decisions about working and raising a family. I got my career in place first, for various reasons, and I'm still finding it tough to maintain a career and have a small child - eventually I'd like to have another child, and I know that's going to be tougher still. It's hard no matter how you work it; emotionally, physically - whatever - it's just hard work. That's no reason to be put off, just worth acknowledging that there's not a perfect scenario.

Original poster

navygirlfriendneedsadvice · 20/10/2014 23:26

My partner and I have spoken about it a lot. He has said he's happy to have a baby but ultimately the decisions mine because it would end up affecting my lifestyle more than his. With his job he goes away its part of his job and there's no escaping that obviously when he is home his life will change like mine.

If feel slightly insulted by the immature comment. I don't feel I'm being immature at all as I am asking for advice. I think if I had gone and got pregnant without thinking all these other implications through that would be immature.

OP posts:

Mrsgrumble · 20/10/2014 23:30

I am just going to add in my thoughts. It's not just the pcge and NQT year, it's establishing yourself, repaying loans etc. it's good to have a bit of financial security. I was 35 starting my family. It was the perfect time for me. I know your urge but I would recommend sorting your career first if you can.

Original poster

navygirlfriendneedsadvice · 20/10/2014 23:38

When I say ultimately the decision is mine - that was his words not mine.

As for PGCE I finished uni a year and a half ago and since June this year have been volunteering with a primary school and scout group along with working full time as a carer for an autistic lady. I understand that the course is not easy to get on and shouldn't be done on a whim. I have the desirable experience they ask for and have done plenty of research.

I think my point has kind of been missed a little yes I don't know when's the best time to TTC as is now. After study. Or ever if I should study. But also one of my concerns is that would teaching allow me to have a fulfilled family life. I'm worried it would not be flexible enough to cater to the fact that my other half will go away at points. I just know from friends in teaching and reading of other forums that maybe teaching isn't as family friendly as it may appear

OP posts:

Original poster

navygirlfriendneedsadvice · 20/10/2014 23:43

I understand everyone's opinion of career first and appreciate your honest advice mrsgrumble as that was another concern settling period. I know it's not a simple as finish your NQT and the pop out a baby. (I just kind of wish it was) I have always wanted to be a younger mum and I guess everything doesn't fit together like that

OP posts:

Jenijena · 21/10/2014 08:19

Assuming you'd have to work after the baby is here (which I think you would) it is much easier to be in a job first than to find a job later, particularly if you want to be part time. Which is why the majority of women work first, get started with a job and financial security, and then have a baby.

2kidsintow · 21/10/2014 23:19

l trained, secured a job within a year then waited the 2 years I needed to gave worked for my employer to qualify for the additional maternity pay, then started trying. lt took me about 5 years to get successfully pregnant, as I had 3 mcs first. I was 27 when my dc was born and I think that was a good age for me. I was one of the youngest at the baby groups etc at that age too.

Pico2 · 21/10/2014 23:29

I would be wary of trying to fit a teaching career in with an often absent DP and young family. You need to consider things like whether you could afford to work PT and what support you have when DP isn't around.

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 21/10/2014 23:46

From a practical perspective, if I were I would work out the logistics of you working (whether as a teacher, or doing something else). Would you have to pay for childcare? Would you have support from family and friends (to offer regular childcare, or help here and there)? Think about how your day might pan out, when you'd spend time with the children, when you get housework etc done, and when you fit in all the marking/lesson planning. Especially as your partner works away a lot. After looking at all of that, you may decide its too much all in one go.

In some ways, I wish that I had set myself up in a career before I had my daughter. I am looking at some options now, and many require full time working placements etc. My DD is only 2 and I cannot see me working full time for many years to come. Therefore narrowing down my choices of job/careers, for now at least. But, I didn't know what I wanted to do career-wise before we started TTC. But I did know that I definitely wanted a family!!

Are there any other career paths that interest you? Have you thought about training as a Teaching Assistant for now, possibly a SEN? You'd still be working within a school setting, but would possibly have more scope for part time hours, and would bring less/no paperwork home with you.

I know a lot of people say that it's best to get career sorted first, and in some ways I agree. But you can start / change career at any point in life. I personally think the most important thing is to have continuous employment. Even if you just work one day a week after you have had a baby. It makes it so much easier for you to get a job with a full employment history than to have "holes" in your CV.

daisydee43 · 22/10/2014 10:20

this is my experience - got a degree at 21 and never bothered getting a career. had first dc at 24 and retrained but now hate it. am pg wirh dc2 and desperate for a career in degree but will struggle to get part time work in decent job.
so yes if u can get a career before - my cousin is primary school teacher with twins and is fine although she had to give up being head of year to go back to work but am jelous of her

cheminotte · 22/10/2014 10:30

I would definitely recommend establishing a career first. Part time professional jobs are rarely advertised but are created for women returning to work. You can also start building up some savings to make your maternity leave more comfortable.

daisydee43 · 22/10/2014 13:16

when would be the earliest you could try for baby? so qualified and in a job for say a year. look for part time jobs in teaching see if any out there unless u want to work full time but need to consider childcare

JubJubBirds · 22/10/2014 13:40

Teaching, Primary at least, is an incredibly consuming career. You work well over your contracted hours, including some work at the weekends. That being said, it is a stable job and it is possible, I'd you find the right situation, to work part time. Even part time though it really does end up taking over your life. It's not really a job, it's a lifestyle and if you dint have the passion for it then I wouldn't recon going into it.

If you like working with children would a different childcare qualification be of any interest to you? They're not well paid jobs for the amount of work you do but nursery nursing/childminding might be something you'd like doing?

At the end of the day though no one knows what your priorities are except you.

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