Walking away from stressful job?

[Chellers1234]

Hi, I could do with some advice as this decision has weighed me down for too long.

Live with DH, and 2 DC's (nursery & Y2)So, have been with current employer for 12 years, promoted 18 months ago (to a manager), I deliberated for sometime on whether to take it as would mean increasing my hours/increased stress but took the plunge.

To cut a long story short its not worked out, I cant switch off outside of work, the workload is high and most importantly the people I now work with are not particularly friendly, undermine my decisions and generally make me feel very uncomfortable and intimidated.

I have spoken to my boss to say I am finding it difficult, boss knows these people are difficult and offers 'do you want me to speak to xxx' but realistically they wont change - been like it for years and to be honest even if someone did speak to them I wouldn't want to work with them anymore.

I've started to suffer from palpitations, I'm not sleeping and have been in tears (privately) at work because I just hate feeling so inadequate when put in front of these people.

I am seriously thinking of just walking away, DH works long hours (6am-7pm) so I have to do everything for the kids, fortunately he earns a good salary and I could take a 50% paycut without having serious implications and get a job that is less pressure, I can be more involved with the kids/school and more importantly not be consumed with work 24hrs a day. BUT part of me thinks I worked happily for 12 years with no problems, they offer benefits, my recent review in my new role was fine and its just because I support the 'difficult' area that I have encountered problems.

I guess I am asking am I missing something in terms of what I can do or do I just need to accept this promotion was a mistake and look elsewhere? PS the chances of getting something else are unlikely at my level unless I move down the ladder which I would do but it's probably not the 'done thing'. Thanks for reading

Hi, I've done this very recently and I'm currently working my notice and job hunting.

I have been working in the same place for longer than you, and also in my current role for quite a long time. It basically got to the point where the balance between the good things in my job and the bad things/ reasons to move finally tipped in the other direction.

I am looking for a less stressful less well paid job (childcare fees just been halved as eldest started school). I don't want to work evenings until the small hours, or have my Sundays ruined by worrying about work.

In your situation, as you are newer in your role and they seem to be aware of the difficulties, I would give them an ultimatum - I am thinking of resigning but won't if you change x, y and z. Not a nasty ultimatum but the truth, given you are prepared to follow through.

Hi there, I down graded myself in a previous job as I found managing staff who didn't perform incredibly stressful and impacted on my life. Looking back though, I was bullied by my bosses at the time and should have waited it out (they both left). I regret it in terms of my skef confidence which took years to rebuild and in the industry, the gossip was they downgraded me not my choice which was hard. But, a few years on, it's made no difference to my career and back up at a decent level so much so that I am now working flat out and thinking about job hunting for a less stressful role.

I think you've decided you want to leave but before that, why not talk to your boss and find out of you can change roles within the company? If you enjoy the work and they want to keep you, it can always be explained by your DH working away more, kids need you at home etc...

I have recently left a high pressured job to work part time in a shop, I love it no stress about going into work no worries about work when I am not there I am happier and from that so is my family. My DMum did freak abut about me throwing away my education my degrees and years of sacrifice but tbh I am happy to do that to get rid of the person I was becoming but not liking.
And here is hoping my hair stops falling out and my ulcer heals

Ultimately, your priority must always be health over job. I've had to make that decision, and though it was tough at the time, I will never, never regret it.

But there might be a way to fix the situation. Have you had any management training since you took up the post? We don't all come with people-management skills as standard, and your employer might think a few days training a good bargain, compared to recruiting someone to take over your role. If you've had general management training, then you still might benefit from some targeted at dealing with difficult staff/conflict. I suspect if you can make some progress on the people front, the workload will become less of a problem.

I would leave and find something else if I were you. I am about to do similar myself as my job is moving to a town further away and out of hours working/weekend working is increasing...not good when you have a family to consider.

If you want to stay, is there any one who could mentor you, no matter how informally? It is tough when you have no one supporting you at work.

If you have exhausted ways of possibly making the job less stressful then walk away, if you can. Health and quality of life is more important than an overly stressful career imo.

I'm in a similar position and feeling awful about my job and how stressful it is. I am not in a position to leave though, unless I find another (less stressful) job with a similar salary which is very unlikely.

I'd leave. I've done it before.

I left a job with people I liked for something that on paper was loads better. From day one, I knew it was a mistake. I stuck it out for 18 months, until, having been off sick and being harassed by my line manager (in the guise of seeing how I was), I decided enough was enough and quit on my return.

My health improved rapidly, and, after 6 years of trying, I conceived! I am now a part-time student, with a lively nearly four-year-old. At the moment, I have no idea what I'll do in the long-term for a job, but I know that I feel happier and healthier.

I am currently doing this. I am committed to this year then I won't stay. I just decided life to short to feel like this. I have been researching on childminders forum about giving up teaching for childminding. My DH is also looking to swap teaching full time for part time. We have sorted finances to see what we can life on and will just go for it! Good luck whatever you decide is best for you.

I am in a similar situation and unfortunately cannot quit now as we are buying a property and salary is important. Once this happens I am also thinking to change career into language teaching or admin job in a school. Had enough of corporate world!

You sound like you could be tipping into depression and you really need to do all you can to avoid this. Could the people you are working with be bullying or harassing you?

www.hse.gov.uk/stress/furtheradvice/bullyingindividuals.htm

www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=797

If so your company is obligated to address this through their contractual duty of care and not expose you to B&H or compromise your health through stress or depression.

I have recently resigned from my job and have initiated an employment tribunal.

Hi OP....I have just read this - basically you should plan an exit strategy - to preserve your precious health....it is a no win situation. Only 3% of cases are ever resolved for the victim. The bully/company always wins. Leave them to it. You are worth more than that I wish I had. Its a bit like the intractable EA situation - LTB....

www.infobarrel.com/How_Working_for_a_Bully_Affects_Your_Health

I agree with you Somethingtodo ... The organisation is very large. I will rather go on a stress leave until I find new job rather than going in to a battle. One of my colleagues (my direct line manager) is proper bully. She is also family - free and doesn't really get it that you have other duties after work apart from responding to work emails. Until she is here I will be struggling.

The other thing is the Senior manager is really nice, however he will rather keep her rather than someone who is refusing working after 5. Like most companies will do.

Thank you for your advice though.

I am glad that there are people who have made better choices than me - ie walked away or planned an exit strategy.

I have tried too hard for too long with a bully and over-work - I am now broken mentally and physically. The HR policies and practices I now realise through very bitter experience (5 months grievance investigation) are a whitewash and a mechanism to protect the company from litigation -- not to generate harmony and resolution amongst employees.

Put your health and family first - dont go into battle - you will loose (97% loose) as per the link I posted yesterday