Career (academia) versus second child

[workingtitle]

Hope this is the right place. I'll try and be brief/clear...

I'm 35 and have a one year old. I work 4 days/week in a department where almost everyone is externally funded, myself included. My current contract (someone else's project) is up next summer. I have a five year research post to go to which would also involve a promotion. But the first 18months in particular will be full on and will need me to be 100% comitted. Having someone step in for mat cover would be problematic.

We would like another child. If we wait til the project settles down that would mean spring/summer 2017 at the earliest. I would be 38 and there will be a 3-4 year age gap. This feels like a long wait, and I'm scared we'll struggle or even miss the chance for a second child entirely.

The alternative is looking for another (short term) research contract on other people's projects. I can/will keep trying to get more of my own funding but I may well end up as a jobbing researcher hashing together a future, which I dread.

At the moment I feel like it's career or baby. Would welcome any thoughts or advice - I need to tell the project team soon if I don't want to do the work

I would go for the 5 year job, and continue trying to get pregnant. There's no guarantee you will get pregnant quickly, and you can't put your career on hold. Mat leave might be a problem for them, but it is your right - and they would cope. People leave midway through research contracts for all sorts of reasons, e.g. promotion elsewhere, sickness - and things do carry on. (The graveyard is full of indispensable people....) It might even be a good opportunity for one of your colleagues to temporarily step up. I had my two at 39 and 41, but fertility can drop very quickly after 35, and you could miss your chance. Having a 5 year post behind you will increase your chance of getting more funding in future, and will provide a more stable financial situation to support either one or two children.

Thanks, NanFlanders. I know it's just the way of things for people to go on mat leave but it's difficult as I'm a co-applicant and it's been discussed in terms of 'if you want the job can you see it through the first bit?'. No one is saying it explicitly, of course, but it feels duplicitous to say yes with the intention of getting pregnant soon-ish, and I don't want to mess the team around.
I haven't had the best experience of having maternity cover in my current role, which is worrying me also.

Very good point about it being a more stable place to have another child from, though. That is certainly true.

Would you be honest about wanting another child potentially in the first phase of the project?

Thanks again

Well, I doubt that they will ask you about plans to procreate (illegal....) so 'dishonesty' shouldn't be an issue. Also, you don't know how long it will take you to get pregnant. Apparently it takes a 30-year-old woman an average of 7 months to get pregnant. (Though of course you could get pregnant first time, or spend two years trying and still be in the entirely 'normal' range). If you are in good health, you could then be working through eight months of pregnancy. That sounds like a good chunk of the project to me. You mentioned 'we'. Is it possible for your partner to take some of your maternity leave, now that it is possible to share it? www.theguardian.com/money/2013/nov/29/how-will-parental-leave-work-q-a-mothers-fathers

You're right, Nan, they certainly wouldn't, but the subtext is there in our recent discussions, and I don't want to let the team down/come across badly as one of the most junior members of a big team.
But you're right, I'm just going to have to do what's right for us in terms of a second child. I might mention to the PI that we do plan on extending the family at some time. they should be able to work out that it might have to be sooner rather than later.
Yes, splitting mat leave is also a possibility, though I had PND this time and not sure if we can rely on that approach in advance.
Thanks for your advice

I'm an academic. You've already had one child so are obviously fertile, 38 is not that old, and a 3-4 year age gap is ideal from the POV of sibling harmony (and nursery fees). I'd take the job, bed in for 9 months then start having rampant sex.

Academia is just way too hard to get back into if you give it up for a second.

It's such a personal decision it has to be your choice but for what it's worth I love the 3y8m gap between my two dc, it's work ed really well for us and them.

Ha! Thank you Pirate and OddBoots. Think I have been scaring myself a bit with the stats on age/fertility... And I've already felt (negative) impacts on one round of mat leave. The team are great and so is the project, so I hope next time will be different, or at least I'll be older/wiser/give less of a crap.

Take the job and DO NOT tell anyone anything about your personal life. It's too unpredictable what will happen and it's none of their business anyway. 38 is not too old and a bigger gap means only one lot of childcare at a time. I would take that gamble.

As far as I can see, it's just fine to have kids in academia once you're well established. If you're not, it's really really really tough. Maternity leave is for writing books, not spending time with your baby...

Would you consider just taking some weeks mat leave and your partner being the shap?

I went back 30% after 2 weeks with my first (oh was working ft) and plan to go back 50% after two weeks with my second (oh will drop to 50%). Personally I enjoyed going back so soon.

Thanks for the supportive comments - I've had a good chat with DH and will def take the post. I went back on reduced hours early on (not quite as early as you, purple!) which helped my PND, I think, but I may feel differently second time around. I agree, fasterthanthewind, it's very tough for early career researchers.