HELP! I would really appreciate your honest opinions on my problem with my now ex-childminder. As you can see by the time I am typing this - it is causing me sleepless nights. I'm afraid this will probably end up long-winded - as much to get it into perspective for myself (rather than lying in bed night after night worrying about the whole thing) and to explain the full story.
My dd has been with our childminder since May 03, when she was 3.5 months old. I work part-time and she had dd from 8.30 > 2.45 every day. Everything seemed to be going well. I have been a registered childminder myself in the past, so was very aware of making sure that she always was appreciated, paid on time, I was never late for collection, etc. We had what I thought was a friendly relationship.
When the initial contract was drawn up, she wanted the holidays to be only half pay for her, unless we were both off at the same time. I thought this was not really fair on her and told her as such. But she insisted that she was happy with this.
Last summer my ds (who is at school and has high functioning autism) went to my work's summer scheme. He couldn't cope with this at all and I knew that I could not put him through another summer like that. So in September I went to see my work Welfare Officer who suggested that I could take unpaid leave during the summer for 4 weeks, so that together with my annual leave I could be at home for ds and keep dd off too. I approached my childminder (who had been aware of the difficulties over the summer) and asked her what she would charge if dd was off for 4 weeks over summer 04. She thought about it for a few days and came back to me and said she would only charge half. I am not on a high salary and pay out over half of my income to her normally and the summer would be tight anyway, so to reduce my costs in any way was a relief.
As I like to be organised I sat down with childminder in February to go through what dates I would be off over the summer and to make sure we would know what was owing on which week (I will have to work 2 weeks over the summer). I set out it all out on the Outlook Calendar, so everything was clear. I even colour-coded the bloody thing. Suddenly in that conversation she dropped in that it would be full charge for the weeks that I was off on unpaid leave. No discussion, just dropped in. At the time I was surprised, but didn't say anything, so I could have a think about it. End of chat, all very pleasant.
When I got home and had a chance to think about it, I thought it was really unfair that she had gone back on what she said and was going to be charging full price, when she would not have dd and she knew I was not being paid. I also knew that teacher's have a retainer situation over the summer with childminders, so didn't think that I was asking anything out of the ordinary. I decided to let it go, as I wanted to keep a happy childminder. Stupidly I know, but I really felt that my dd was happy with her and I wanted to keep continuity for dd, so decided not to query it.
In that discussion we had said that we should keep up regular contact over summer for dd and childminder had said maybe to drop her in for an hour or so once a week! Well, after a few weeks I started to think, well if she was being paid full price, I think she should be available those weeks. So I said to her one day,"you know the way we were talking about keeping dd's routine going over the summer? Well I was thinking that it might be best if I just send her as normal, the weeks that I am paying full price. It would mean I could get housework, shopping, spend some quality time with ds" All smiles, good idea, no problem. I had no intention of sending her more than maybe a few hours, 2 days a week. But thought this would keep my options open.
btw childminder has two schoolgoing boys of her own and looks afer two other schoolgoing boys. Last summer she had them all day every day, and often told me what a struggle it was and how it was hard to juggle their needs, with dd's needs - e.g dd's naps. So I do think that it was going to suit her very well not having dd with her.
Oh God, I doubt anyone will be reading at this stage. It is going on, I'm sorry.
Anyway....
about 2 weeks ago, childminder says that she is revising contracts as it is a new tax year. This is normal, no problem. If there was anything I wanted changed, let her know - nope I was happy with everything. Then she says that she has been looking at the guidelines (issued by childminding association) and that only a retainer was payable over the summer, so I would only have to pay her half while I was off (surprise, surprise - I wonder whether the fact that she was going to have dd if I paid full had anything to do with change of heart?). She also said that she should be paid full for Halloween, Christmas and Easter holidays - my husband and I take off alternative days each to cover looking after ds, and so keep dd off too - only paying half. I was rushing, so said okay, let me have a think about it when I have more time. All very pleasant.
Well, Easter holidays were only 1 week away, so I didn't think it was fair that I would have to pay her full price with just one week's notice. So the next day when I was collecting dd I asked her to explain to me again the changes she wanted to put in place. I then said no problem, but I wouldn't be able to pay her full price for this Easter, as it is such short notice, but yep no problem for the future.
Remember it is I who had originally said to her that she would lose out by only charging half for holidays.
She tried to make out in the conversation that she was doing me a favour as it was going to work out in my favour that I was only being charged half for summer (which was working out as 3 weeks, as she was on holiday for 3 weeks) and full pay for the Halloween, Christmas and Easter. (I don't know how she worked this out - the other holidays add up to 5 weeks!)
She agreed that it would start after this Easter. All done and dusted. Or so I thought....
Dd finished for Easter last Friday. I put childminder's money (as I always do) in an envelope detailing what was enclosed. I also paid her for this week (half pay). She was getting dd back next Thursday after Easter. I also gave her Easter eggs for her kids.
Last Saturday I was bringing dd to a swimming party and got out her changing bag. Found a note in it. I will just type what she wrote:
"Rebi,
I noticed that this weeks pay is wrong as full pay is due for Good Fri. I feel I am being reasonable enough in asking for full pay Easter Mon and Tues as you changed your Easter holidays at the last minute (increasing the number of days off). When I change contracts to include a retainer over summer, instead of full pay, I will lose out financially. I am aware of your financial situation and try to accommodate you but as you say yourself I am running a business. I would be grateful if you could settle up next week.
thanks. S"
To say I was shocked by the tone in this note is an understatement. If I had been someone who had taken advantage in any shape or form I would understand. For starters Good Fri is not a bank holiday (Mon and Tues are). I did not change my holiday plans at last minute. Her referral to my 'financial situation' is what stings most of all - I have never never paid late or queried charges - honestly hand on heart. You wouldn't think that by reading the note - you would think that I had really messed her about. Even having just typed out the note, has left my hands shaking, it upsets me that much. If she had a query about the Good Friday, fair enough address it, but to put in all the other stuff appears to me like she is very angry?
Anyway, I rang her when I got back from party. Said to her that I was surprised by the tone of the note and that if she had a problem with the pay she should have just asked me when I collected DD. Her response - "I do not have to ASK for money that is owing to me". Where did all this come from?? Well, I was very upset by her whole attitude and after a 20 minutes phonecall, I felt I had no choice but not to send dd back to her and told her so.
Obviously this has left me with no childminder and I have been running around trying to sort something out. I have been fortunate to find a nursery with a place up until 1pm (I work until 2pm), so it is going to be messy, but just about workable. I would not use a childminder again after this. I have been so upset by the note and the phonecall - as you can see it is keeping me awake at night. I am just so hurt - I honestly honestly don't think that I could have treated her any better.
On Monday she sent me a letter DEMANDING full pay for this week and next week. I have checked with childminding association and she would only be owed what was due - ie half pay as she wasn't having dd this week and 4 days full (2 bk hols and 2 days when she should have had dd and one day half pay for next week. The childminding Association also agreed that there are 2 bank holidays at Easter, not three as she was demanding. I am in two minds as whether to pay her or not, as I feel that it down to her actions that has caused the breakdown in the relationship. In the contract it states "two weeks notice required on either side. full payment is due in lieu of notice (this applies to both childminder and parent)". Would I be within my rights to demand 2 weeks money from her? Although I won't do this. I will pay her purely to get shot of her, as I have learnt she is not someone who will let this go. But there is something about all this that makes me feel like I am being bullied and I do not want to take the cowards way out.
Another btw - her ds has been having problems at school recently and she has been very worried. I have been supportive to her through this. I do wonder whether the pressure of that, has spilled over and she is taking her anger out elsewhere iykwim?
I hope that someone has managed to read to the end of this - sorry it has been so long. I will bump this up in the morning, as I sure noone will read this marathon before that. I hope it reads okay and I haven't left anything out (impossible, I hear you say!). The reason for the detail is so that you have all the info.
Thanks - I value MNs opinions.