allright, so how long should it take to get used to work again after mat leave?

[RanToTheHills]

i'm struggling, it's only been a few weeks. Obviously I shoudl wait a bit longer, but not very into my job as I was when I started it. It is however relatively heavyweight with lots of responsbility/pressure/expectation to put in the hours. No longer feel up to it/bothered to work at such a level. This has turned into a ramble, my apologies, I'm not exactly clear about my thoughts right now.

wsa it you who was off a lot because of sickness?

doesn't sound like your heart is in it

yes, was me too! You're right, heart's not in it, but aware it's early days so trying to delay making a decision!

i am three weeks into my return to work after a year off with ds. i didn't much like the job to start with and now i can only see it in terms of not being with ds.
i don't want to be at home 24/7 as he is a gorgeous darling little terror who knows JUST how to wind me up. however i currently do 3 days a week and am miserable. i am going to give it at least 2 months before i make a decision to change my hours or quit.
does that help?how long were you off? are you planning any more?

Do give it more time - you will find a 'new' way of working and dealing with it all.

It took me a good 6 months or so - learning to work much more time efficiently. I no longer put in any like the kind of effort i used to before DS. Now I just get by with the bare minimum effort needed and it is alright. It makes me wonder why I bothered so much and worked so hard before DS!

It took me a couple of months and a reduction in working hours to get back into the swing of work and not be knackered all the time. I'm fairly happy with it now, but there isn't really an expectation to put in long hours although the option is there for me to work one of my non-working days if things get hectic.

When I first went back to work after having my boys I hated it.I reduced my hours to do 3 full days.It's alright,I have quite an interesting job,reasonable pay,and I don't think I'd get such flexible working anywhere else,but at the end of the day I'd still rather be at home and this is 7 years on!!
I just love being at home pottering about,collecting the boys from school,and just generally looking after house and garden(I know I'm a sad person),but I have to work,so I just think of it as,"Oh well,just three days then I'm back at home again."
My heart deffo isn't in it anymore.

so is it the salary that motivates you to keep going then jac? I'm similar though admittedly do get caught up in all the vairous projects going on when I'm actually at work.It's the getting up so early(5.30am!) to feed baby, long commute/long nursery day that gets to me. That and the fact that I'm not entirelyt sure how useful my job actually is to anyone!

It's never going to feel the same after kids - there is so much more in your life than the job so it can't ever be so important again. Having said that, I've found being a mum added a new dimension to friendships with colleagues and clients who have kids as well (one client and I were exchanging tips on keeping boys quiet at weddings yesterday), so it's not necessarily worse.

The worst thing I think is feeling guilty when I enjoy my job. What kind of mum actually likes being in the office sometimes? This one, I'm afraid, and I do feel really bad about it (I wish I could say I only do it for the money, but I don't, I actually like being here sometimes)

I know what you mean, sometimes surprise myself by finding I'm enjoying the comradeship, challenge, ability to work in peace, take undisturbed lunch (if only for 5 mins) ..oh, and to dress up in a nice suit!

It took me a few months, not helped by doing the job very part-time and forgetting from one week to the next what I was meant to do. Give it some more time.

I came back to work 6 months ago. Used to do 12 hour days before so I have "cut my hours" - only doing 7am - 5.30pm now.
My heart definitely is not in it as much any more. But I need to work, would go mad otherwise. It tires me much more to stay at home with a manic (admittedly very cute) one-year-old. Plus I earn much more than dh....

Ideally I would like to do part-time. Unfortunately it is not an option in my job. So my plan is to have another baby and then change jobs

fredarthur i LIKE it too. very much at times. and yes I do feel guilty a bit but we shouldn't. My job is not the greatest but still, it's the opposite to staying home with a baby/toddler.

and I believe one (or shall i talk for myself) needs different challenges!!!

let's stop the guilt please.

How do you stop the guilt? I'm not going back to work until February, when DD will be 8.5months old and am already feeling guilty. Cutting my hours to three days a week, but hate the thought of her in nursery for such a long day (8am-5pm) even though she'll probably love being with the other children, plus can't stand the thought of the drive!

Never thought I'd feel like this. I want to win the lottery so I can stay at home!!!!!

Irwg

I wouldn't even try to stop feeling guilty about it until you've tried it. See how it goes. I know loads of people who've tried going back to work and given it a shot and then given up when they decided it wasn't for them. They seem much happier than a lot of people who were in two minds but didn't try work, because at least they don't wonder if they made the right decision

As for stopping the guilt, I've just stopped reading newspapers. They seem to assume all working mums are heartless and leave other people to raise our children, and that all full time mums are frumpy and brain dead, so we can't win.

I think you are right about trying it fredarthur. A few months ago I was debating whether to go back to work or not as they wouldn't agree the hours I wanted but took the decision to go back in January when DS is almost 10 months old.

I'm now getting to the stage where (whispering quietly) I'm actually a bit bored at home 7 days a week and am not horrified at the thought of returning. I still don't know if it will work out but I think I would be kicking myself right now if I had closed that option.

Fred, I like it too. I went back recently after 3rd baby, and am pretty happy. Only problem really is that splitting the 1 1/2 hours I get with the kids in the evening 3 ways is a challenge. Baby is still waking 2x per night too, which means I'm knackered. Still, I don't have to commute, so that's good. I think you're fated to feel useless/poor if not working and absent/guilty if working, so best not to think about it too much. Internet supermarket shopping/other shopping has improved my life

i'm starting to wonder whether I'm glad that I've gone back now. Surprise myself! It never seems like this 1st thing in the morning or rushing back for pick-up or late for a meeting etc. But in quieter moments, I'm often glad. For one, I think i'd be feeling rather claustrophobic at home - same walls,same small no. of people aorund. Do miss baby like mad though!

Thanks guys - will definitely be giving it a go and trying not to feel like a terrible person (although I don't think other people who work are terrible, just me - LOL). I suspect once I'm back in the swing of things I'll actually enjoy myself - the brain is starting to melt somewhat already!

well, definitely a cure for yr brain melting! Mine positively hurts right now!
I still feel guilty 6 yrs on, so there's no easy solution. Think it's a fact of being a mother which never goes away.