Gross misconduct, Racist and sexist language

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Not me, my ExP actually. I have name changed for this too, but I've been on here more or less forever.

So, Ex has got into trouble at work and is thinking of just resigning (and being out of work) rather than attempting to defend himself. It is likely he will be sacked.

What happened is this. During a break at a work meeting he told a silly story from when he was 8 years old, he encountered another boy whose parents ran the Chinese takeaway, he took a key from his pocket and holding it to his chin said 'chin key, chin key'.

Ex then asked a colleague if he was still with his Chinese wife, the colleague replied that actually she is Malaysian, to which ExP replied 'Same difference.'

All said in a banter sort of way.

So far, so cringeworthy.

The next bit is made up. The colleague with the Malay wife claims to the boss/ HR that ExP then asked if he 'goes round the other side' during sex, because Chinese etc women have sideways vaginas.

This account is backed up by two others who were present.

I don't believe he said this last bit, however much of a wally he is.

Is there anything he can do to save himself from the sack?

Whit don't you believe the last bit - do you think three people are lying about it?
In any case I would think that the first bit is bad enough for him to ( quite rightly) get sacked, especially if someone has complained

His only hope is a long record of impeccable service, him showing utter contrition, begging forgiveness, offering to apologise in any way the offended parties choose and being willing to undergo diversity training at his own cost and in his own time.

Why is he your ex by the way

He deserves whatever he gets tbh. What an arse!

And why would the colleague or the witnesses lie?!

Hermione he is my ex precisely because he is an immature arse .

The first bit, he told me that lovely story when we still together and the context was a conversation about the idiotic adults around us growing up in the 70's who taught my generation this type of casual racism. I am Anglo-Indian so mentioned being referred to as 'Paki' sometimes during primary years, so he tells the story of the little village he grew up in and the singular Chinese family who lived in the village who his dad referred to as the Chinks. So the anecdote (I think) is self-deprecating, look at how thick we all were in the 70's. Sort of.

The second bit, Malaysian/Chinese 'same difference' I think is a stab at irony i.e. I'm not racist but this is what stupid racist people might say.

The final bit, the Chinese women anal sex thing...I don't think he said that. It's too tawdry, not his style. He was also devastated when he told me, he seemed really horrified that those claims were made about him. The three colleagues he says are close friends, one of them was not even in the garden/close-by at the time.

I don't think he would lie to me about this. We are not together, he didn't need to tell me anything at all!

bump?

Think of it from the other direction (excuse the pun )

Why would your ex dp's friends back up the man whose wife was the brunt of the joke?

Why would he say two other colleagues were present (your OP) then deny that one of them was within earshot later (your later post).

"Same difference" isn't humorous irony, it's plain old ignorant racism.

He needs to accept his role in this if he is going to come out of this anything other than jobless.