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Original poster

so angry/upset

15 replies

bumblebeerat · 08/09/2014 07:44

Hi all I'm new here so forgive me if I put this in the wrong place. I have been a sahm for 9 years except for a bit of volunteering here and there. My youngest is now 3and at nursery so I decided it was time to get a job.

My partner works days and we are on a pretty low income so decided it might be best I did evenings. Anyway I found an evening job starting at 6 which he said wouldn't work as he can't guarantee he'd be home in time. So at the beginning of the summer holidays I got offered a job doing nights as a carer working 8-8 which fitted perfectly with everything. He was more than happy to get the children ready then leave for work when I got back to do the school run then sleep.

So there's me all excited ready to start my training Tuesday when yesterday he says "I need to talk to you about something!" You can't do this job as I wont be able to get to work in time and you know I like to get there early!" Now he can't understand why I'm angry and upset. He had 6weeks to mention this. I just feel like I have no life of my own these days I love the children loads but don't even know how I ended up having to give up my life while his has stayed the same. I've told everyone about this job im so excited but he just has to ruin it.

I know im probably being over the top but I just needed somewhere to vent right now.

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 08/09/2014 07:46

Tell him he will just have to stick to his actual times, not get in early and he had 6 weeks to mention this so it's a bit late now.

Sunna · 08/09/2014 07:49

Tell him he'll just have to manage, or he can find alternative child care.

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 08/09/2014 07:50

Just say 'I am starting the new job. What measures are you going to put in place so that you can get to work on time, darling shithead'

ElephantsNeverForgive · 08/09/2014 07:50

I 'like' not I 'need' as in keeping my job 'Need' to get in early?

Put your foot down really firmly and go to work!

I'm a long term SAHM and I understand exactly the need to be your own person and have your own life and money.

Please stand firm and don't let him control you.

Humansatnav · 08/09/2014 07:56

That's outrageous. Its his problem NOT yours
Is he controlling in general ?

ilovelamp82 · 08/09/2014 08:04

That's not a legitimate reason. Tell him that's just tough, he'll have to put up with it. You've done all the child care all this time, the least he can do is get the kids ready and go in at normal time.

Your job isn't the problem. Your husband is the problem. You've already accomodated him more than adequately by turning down the first job.

Who does he think he is telling you that you can't do something? It's really controlling. Is he normally so controlling?

I'm so angry on your behalf.

scarletforya · 08/09/2014 08:35

My arse. Just tell him no. You're going to work and he'll have to make it work in the mornings. Be assertive. Put your foot down.

BeyoncesCat · 08/09/2014 08:44

Don't give up the job! You deserve to do something for yourself after 9 bloody years! He'll have to sort something or go to when he's ment to not early. I think he's being very selfish!

Thegreatunslept · 08/09/2014 08:47

I had the same thing happen when I went back to work. I took my maternity leave and when I was due to start back after lots of discussion previously about ds going to child minders etc dp said oh u'll have to get ds ready and drop him to childminders as I like to go on early. He can start anytime between 7-8am. I just told him that no on the days I was working (3 days a week) he could just get up as normal and get ds ready and take him to the childminders and go in early the other days.
I said it wasn't fair as I started earlier at a set time with a commute 4 times longer than his for me to also drop ds off just so he could start half an hr earlier at his own choice.
The 1st few mornings were hard work for him but now it works really well and dp manages brilliantly as I knew he would. I think he was more nervous that he would forget something or do something wrong.

ilovelamp82 · 08/09/2014 08:47

I'd guess that he 'likes to get in early' more to avoid getting the kids ready for school than for any work reasons.

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 08/09/2014 08:47

I doubt he's ever needed your permission to go to work.

Let him facilitate you for a bit, you being at home with the children has allowed him to work full time, after all.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 08/09/2014 08:54

He likes to get in early for a bit of me time

Don't we all like a big of me time?!

He's had plenty of notice, tell him nice doesn't equal need, and you need to do this job for you, not because it's nice

Selfish arse!!

redskybynight · 08/09/2014 12:26

Um, is it a genuine concern? He's seemed pretty amenable until now, and unless I've missed something has not objected to you getting a job, so is it a question of he's suddenly realised that the traffic will be worse if he leaves later and the journey will take longer, or that he is "expected" to be in earlier and he will struggle to do his job if he can't.

Yes, of course he should have mentioned it earlier, but it may be a genuine case of not thinking it through. I think you need to sit down and work through the issues. Can you sort a morning childminder, for example?

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 08/09/2014 12:29

Tell him you will be doing this job. He doesn't need to leave earlier, he just wants to. Tough. If he insists on leaving earlier tell him he will have to find someone to mind the children.

It sounds as if he really likes you tied to the kitchen sink

OnlyLovers · 08/09/2014 12:30

Unacceptable. You discussed and agreed it and, as you say, he's had ages to change his mind if he was going to.

It's tough if he 'likes' to get to work early. I bet there are lots of things you 'like' but don't get to do. It would be different if he would be disadvantaged at work if he didn't get there early, but it sounds as though it's just his personal preference.

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