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Original poster

Work away from my 18 months old

17 replies

CoDee · 01/09/2014 21:25

Please could I ask for your advice.
Long story short, my husband has been working in London since beginning of the year. I found it hard to cope with just my son alone. I work full time and my son is with the child minders 4 days a week, very long hours too like 9 hours a day. I have no friends or family in the country. Life is pretty lonely and Ive been seeing a shrink...she said Im depressed but that's another story. Basically i see work as an escape. I am semi workaholic all my life.

A few weeks ago I got an idea, why dont I join my husband in London. So sent CVs out, got interview and got offered a job.....more or less dream job cos I always want to work in London.

A week when the 2nd interview took place my husband was told he got finished end of September.

I was already on the high on leaving my current job (a bit complicated situation at work and I felt I dont fit in but again long story on that.

I decided that I would go to London, accepted the job and my son will be with my husband back where we live back in the north.

ANyone does this? Am I being so selfish and me being away will effect my son's development? I will come home on weekends. THe job is full time.

What would you do? I kinda know the right answer here :(

Thank you

CoDee

OP posts:

Iggly · 01/09/2014 21:28

Er god no way. No way! Sorry. So you'd be in London and leave your child with your DH in the week?

Did you discuss with him?

mummybare · 01/09/2014 21:40

It wouldn't be right for me, but I am very much NOT a workaholic. There is no reason this plan couldn't work if it is what you want to do. Your DC would be fine with your DH and it sounds as though your career is very important to you so it would probably make you happy to pursue it.

Plenty of parents only see their DC at weekends. Most of them are probably men, but don't let that put you off. I'm sure it would work fine if your DH is on board.

Original poster

CoDee · 01/09/2014 21:56

Hi
DH is on board yes....having said that I think I will regret either way but which option I can live with. I know for most people this is a no brainer. I was really excited and lately I felt so disconnected to the world.
I wanna give it a go and if I dont like it I always can come home but jobs are so difficult to find these days...

:( thank you ladies I appreciate your prompt replies. x

OP posts:

Iggly · 01/09/2014 22:10

Will your husband be able to get another job and you move to London? To be honest only you know the right answer. But you can't bring back the lost time with your children (I speak as a mum who works four days a week)

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 02/09/2014 07:35

Plenty of others (guessing the majority being male) do this....

It does sound like it will do you good and the DC will be with his DF.

However, only you know how you will feel.

I think it is worth trying?

If London offers the best work opportunities for you both and you are not happy living where you do, could you rent out your place (if you own) and try living in London. It might be better for you all...?

rootypig · 02/09/2014 07:41

Why is it ok for a child to be left with his mother while his father works away, and not vice versa?

OP you're depressed, but you sound genuinely excited about this. So go! let me tell you, your son will be much happier with a happy mother, whatever the arrangement. Very little can't be undone. If it doesn't work, then move the family south, or reconsider the job.

And congratulations. You're clearly very good at what you do

amyhamster · 02/09/2014 07:45

Why don't the 3 of you move to London ?
It'll be exhausting travelling back every weekend to another country

QuietBeforeTheStorm · 02/09/2014 07:49

May be wrong but the way I read it sounded like you applied for a job in London before you knew your husbands contract was ending?

I'm asking as I'm intrigued to know what your initial plan was?

With regards to your current situation it's not for me at all but each to their own. If you're in a position you can and want to do it then I don't see why not.

deXavia · 02/09/2014 07:57

You know with work and motherhood it's good to remember that you will be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
Of course it's doable but how you will like the reality is hard to say. Why did you move North to begin with - do any of those reasons still exist? Would it short til your DH could also come back to London ? If he works up North what are the child care options?
I reckon if you're both on board, worked through all the variables then why not try it. If you hate it then move back or use it as a short term plan to get you both to a place you can both live.

PhilomenaCunk · 02/09/2014 08:05

Congrats on the job! I've worked away from home for three/four nights a week. It's bloody tiring (for dh and me) but doable. (2 dc under 6.)

If it were long term I'd look into whether it would've be possible to move nearer to London. If you don't love where you are now then it might make life easier.

Ragwort · 02/09/2014 08:11

Yes, I think you should try it, you clearly find being at home with your child a struggle and are receiving counselling so this might be a good way forward for you. No one knows what it will be like to be a parent before it happens and, for some, it might have been the wrong decision but clearly you can't go back to your old life.

People accept fathers doing this all the time, if your current life style is making you so unhappy then for the sake of yourself, your child and your DH you need to try something different.

Cakebaker35 · 02/09/2014 08:13

Hmm sounds to me like you're heading off to London in the hope that the grass is greener - it may well be but I really think you need to tackle your depression as that will follow you wherever you go. As others have said it's perfectly doable but even for those in the most positive frame of mind it's a tough thing to make work, I'd be concerned for your well being away from your family all week when you're already depressed.

addictedtosugar · 02/09/2014 08:32

If DH is job hunting, why doesn't he look in the S as well, and then you can all be together round London? I think it would be the weekend travel which would finish me off.

Congrats on the job.

Original poster

CoDee · 02/09/2014 20:03

Thanks ladies for all the replies Im really grateful you shared your views.
Yes, I applied for this job before we knew DH's job is axed.

I think I made the decision that I would give it a go and maybe hopefully I realise soon that its worth it or not then I can always come back home. Live on our savings until we are forced to take on anything until the right job comes along. May regret it either way but life is gambling - may or may not pay off but we shall see :)

Thank you again x

OP posts:

QuietBeforeTheStorm · 02/09/2014 22:24

But what was the plan with your DC of you had both been in London working? Would you have been moving? Is there a reason you couldn't still?

QuietBeforeTheStorm · 02/09/2014 22:25

I'm only asking because as others have said the commute could be very difficult

latika · 02/09/2014 22:29

I work away from home for long periods a few times a year sometimes 8 weeks at a time, up to 3 times a year. I leave my ds with his dad/grandparents while I'm away and I have to say that I get judged all the time for it. Yet when his dad worked away for 3 months at a time no one ever batted an eyelid.

You have a great opportunity and if your dh is supportive then I think you would be mad not to go for it. I know lots of families now where Mum is the breadwinner and dad does most of the childcare and it works well for them despite outsiders disapproving!

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