Shiny new job turned to shit

[UnhappyProjectManager]

Seven weeks into my lovely new job as an IT project manager, I think I've made a big mistake. My boss is incredibly uncompromising about business solutions, and I don't think I can deliver something usable to the business that meets his very narrow criteria.

What's worse, he shouts at me. I dread our weekly meetings, and today he made me cry, which I've never done at work before.

I would leave like a shot, except I'm a bit less than 2 years into my return to work after a very long break.

I don't know whether to call it quits now, and take a hit to my CV, or stick it out until Christmas, and get 6 months under my belt, meanwhile being very unhappy, and probably failing to deliver.

I wonder if anyone has got any advice?

HR.

Shouting is unprofessional and unessesary.

1. yes, start looking around.

1. next time he starts shouting i'd say calmly 'i will not conduct a meeting with you while you're shouting. if you continue to shout at me i will have to terminate it.' walk out if he continues. document it by email. 'the weekly review was terminated due to boss shouting and refusal to stop.'

1. if you can go into the meeting with the clear facts about what isn't going to work, and arguments for your way all worked out you'll feel much more able to stand up to him.

i wonder if it's possible to go to senior management about this? seems to me that someone higher up should be aware that he's blocking progress and therefore wasting money. as a director, i'd want to know what was going on. they probably already know.

Don't leave because of one bloke! You never know what is going to happen- he might give his notice in next week or break his leg or there could be a reorganisation in your company and you get a new boss.

It would take a lot of courage but as others have said, you could challenge him in a calm, planned and measured way. And if you are considering leaving anyway, then you have got nothing to lose by reporting him to HR.

My view is bullies always get their comeuppance.

I agree with portofino - you sound like you know what you are doing so why let some arse ruin it for you and potentially compromise your CV. Stand up for yourself in whatever way you need to and find a way through - you probably are the person that can get the company to where it wants to be.

I know that's easier said than done but the advice to just move jobs is just giving up without a fight. Woman up!

Start thinking of him as a tantrum-ing toddler rather than someone in a parent role and will help you to deal with him - not least so you can tell him when he gets all shouty that he's being ridiculous unprofessional and that you will talk to him later once he has calmed down and can start continue to have a rational conversation. I'd also tell him that he needs to have proper explanations of how he expects his solution to work because you have shown him how you don't think it will work and what needs to be done to make it work. If he isn't prepared to let you do what needs to be done then he needs to tell you actual useful facts rather than just using aggressive bullying shouting which doesn't help with anything except make him feel powerful.

I suspect his shouting is because he knows you are right but he doesn't want to lose face by having to admit he hitched everything onto the wrong tools/software/processes/etc. Shouting at you means he doesn't have to do anything tricky like come up with a way of working out an answer to the problems that you are raising. If he was good at what he did he would be able to say if you did xyz and xxx too then that would get over the issue you've raised with abc. But it sounds like he's not any good so has relied upon you to be able to do it - and when your solution doesn't tie in with his half baked plan the only way he can cover his own backside is to shout at you that it's all your fault in he hope that you will believe it and not see through his 'attack is the best form of defence' so that he can just blame everything on you rather than admit it's a problem he has created.

Can you document everything including why his preferred tools etc can't work currently, the risks involved with going down his route and the reasons that your solutions would work, go through it one last time with him but say up front that if he doesn't have anything helpful or constructive to say (not shout!) up front then you'll be taking it to his boss to ask for their input as you'll have reached an impasse.

I would also talk to HR about the shouting and his not listening to you - he's effectively sticking his fingers in his ears and shouting lalala when you are telling him that there is a problem but all he can do is shout at you rather than provide constructive help.

Are there any other people that he manages or interacts with that have similar problems with him that could provide advice on what works and what doesn't with him? Or who would come to HR or a more senior person to get some input into dealing with him?

Good luck!

Start thinking of him as a tantrum-ing toddler rather than someone in a parent role and will help you to deal with him - not least so you can tell him when he gets all shouty that he's being ridiculous unprofessional and that you will talk to him later once he has calmed down and can start continue to have a rational conversation. I'd also tell him that he needs to have proper explanations of how he expects his solution to work because you have shown him how you don't think it will work and what needs to be done to make it work. If he isn't prepared to let you do what needs to be done then he needs to tell you actual useful facts rather than just using aggressive bullying shouting which doesn't help with anything except make him feel powerful.

I suspect his shouting is because he knows you are right but he doesn't want to lose face by having to admit he hitched everything onto the wrong tools/software/processes/etc. Shouting at you means he doesn't have to do anything tricky like come up with a way of working out an answer to the problems that you are raising. If he was good at what he did he would be able to say if you did xyz and xxx too then that would get over the issue you've raised with abc. But it sounds like he's not any good so has relied upon you to be able to do it - and when your solution doesn't tie in with his half baked plan the only way he can cover his own backside is to shout at you that it's all your fault in he hope that you will believe it and not see through his 'attack is the best form of defence' so that he can just blame everything on you rather than admit it's a problem he has created.

Can you document everything including why his preferred tools etc can't work currently, the risks involved with going down his route and the reasons that your solutions would work, go through it one last time with him but say up front that if he doesn't have anything helpful or constructive to say (not shout!) up front then you'll be taking it to his boss to ask for their input as you'll have reached an impasse.

I would also talk to HR about the shouting and his not listening to you - he's effectively sticking his fingers in his ears and shouting lalala when you are telling him that there is a problem but all he can do is shout at you rather than provide constructive help.

Are there any other people that he manages or interacts with that have similar problems with him that could provide advice on what works and what doesn't with him? Or who would come to HR or a more senior person to get some input into dealing with him?

Good luck!

Argh that was a bit long and it seems to have posted twice - can only blame the latter of those on the new mobile site and say I have no idea how that happened!

totally agree zipzap. pretending he is a toddler is a useful method. unbelievable to have to resort to parenting techniques in a professional situation! it's unbelievable that some people never learn what is acceptable behaviour.

Shorter tenures in IT are more common due to people contracting etc, I wouldn't worry about that too much.
I left an IT job after 9months for similar reasons- it is either assumed that I was contracting or I give a plausible (though not entirely accurate) reason relating to why I left soon for my next role.
I would look around now and see what else is out there- you may find a great role that would be better anyway.
Also could you speak to HR about this? His behaviour is totally unacceptable. In my own situation I tried to speak to a manager about what was going on with me and he covered up for the other staff. It eventually came out to HR on my last day, as other issues involving the same people had come to light... I wish I'd spoken to them beforehand as I felt I did myself a disservice in some respects by leaving for those reasons. However I'm glad I did- no job is worth experiencing that.

I work in HR and have to say that if a new employee started criticising an old (as in been there a long time), established manager who hadn't had any previous issues, most HR/higher management would side with the manager. So not sure HR can really do a lot to help you in your situation.

In your shoes, I would probably leave (if I could afford to just quit) and leave it off the CV. If you are returning after a career break it wont' matter to have a few weeks or months more, it stops all those questions at interview about why you left your previous job.

If you stay much longer it will be harder to leave it off your CV.

If you need the income and cannot afford to leave without a new job to go to then I'd get looking straight away but have you thought about how you'll get the time off for interviews (there are only so many doctors appointments / sickies you can take).

i'd be tempted to do contracting if you work in IT, can be a good way to get your skills/confidence back without making any long term commitment and is better paid than permanent jobs too.

Many thanks for more comments.

Zipzap, your second paragraph is exactly how I think it is.

Maggie, I agree, and wouldn't go to HR unless I already had an exit planned (or probably even then), as he process would immediately be out of my control.

I've tried rational discussions, but that prompts the shouting, and I am closed down.

Still undecided as to what to do. Job market very quiet, and dominated by a single agency in my field so a far from ideal situation.

I meant to add that my predecessor only lasted 3 months too. I have the official story that she was "very odd", but I wonder what the real story is?

If zip zap is right and this about him face saving, then you need to come up with a stategy that allows him to keep face and mofe forward. Something like " well x has argued quite correctly that we need to do abc, but my fresh eyes noticed that there is a slight problem with that, which of course no one would have seen because of xyz...x has the general idea though but I suggest c,d,e as a way of moving his great idea forward etc."

I worked with a right fucker once and I found once I understood what his boss expected from him, I presented all info in a form that would make said boss at least slightly amenable. He loves me now ;-) but he used to make me cry. At home, not in front of him...

Actively look and move ASAP. Whether you leave now or in 6 months it is still going to bra glitch in the cv.

I can understand you may not wish to raise a grievance but make sure you complain at your exit interview.

A boss I had long ago used to make us think of the difficult people and imagine being them. What made them think and act like they did. What were their worries, concerns and expectations? Walk in their shoes for 5 mins and try to understand why they rant or complain. It is a very useful exercise.

Of course he just could be a complete cunt though, in which case none of my advice is at all useful. But it annoys me that one bully bastard should ruin a good job. It's worth trying at least.