looking for advice from other working military wives/mums

[Pagetta]

hi all

looking for advice from any other military wife working mums out there!
my husband and i met at uni, after uni he worked in finance and me in marketing, and for the last ten years i've built a successful career for myself.
He has been a reservist royal marine, for 6 years now, and last year, just after our first child was born, he decided to go full time in the military.

thankfully, his job means he is only posted near our home, and only ever will be, but Its been pretty stressful nonetheless and a different lifestyle with both pros and cons.

I went back to work full time after a year off in october and really struggled, he was away training, we'd just moved into military accommodation and my confidence was low. working FT with a child and no hubby or family about was very very tough. I got made redundant two months ago which has hit me very hard, and basically, looking for a managerial level job when you're essentially a single parent relying entirely on paid childcare is a nightmare.

questions like: can you work in london two days a week? are you ok with late nights when we have deadlines etc
to which i have to say "i drop my child off at 8, pick him up at 6, between that i can work hard as you like, but they are my limitations" - then the shutters come down.
I have NO flexibility in my childcare at all. Going back to an established role they're more understanding, but trying to find a new job at that career level with these limits in place has been near impossible, to the extent that I've now accepted a job that's a step back, which is, frankly, rubbish!

are there any other military spouses out there with tips for pursuing a career in this situation, or other lone parents in similar situations who could sugest anything?

I know i'm not the only one in this situation!! so am appealing for any advice on how to overcome these barriers and get things back on track.

thank you xx

You might do better asking for this to be moved to 'forces sweethearts'.
As a single parent working full time with long anti social hours my solution is an au pair, but with a quite small one I would probably have a live in nanny.

thank you - i thought there was a military area on here but couldn't find it earlier!
A live in nanny or au pair would be lovely but we don't have a spare room for them unfortunately

Other thoughts that friends have used:

Military wife only took contracts when OH was in country was SAHM when he was on tour.
Saying you need to leave at 5, but would do certain amount of work after LO is in bed. I have one friend who works for a company where hours are 8.30am to 5.30pm she attends the office 9.30am to 5pm and the then does 1.5 hours work each night at home once children are in bed.
Moving out of military accommodation (I know it is cheaper) to have a bigger property to enable AP or nanny. One set of forces friends only lived in military accommodation once he became a CO. It didn't affect his career path one bit despite what you maybe told.

only working when he's in the country is an interesting idea as my line of work has lots of contract jobs about. not something i could do just yet as we would like to get a mortgage so a steady income from me will be needed to afford anything where we live! but that is definitely something i could consider after and would be great for lots of experience!

HI Pagetta
I am a military wife of 11years and have been with the oh for 16years, the whole time moving around etc so I think our situation was different to yours, If he is definetely not moving around this is fab for you in the respect of looking for another job. For me we moved every 2/3years so even getting a job was a nightmare.
I ended up not working for 7yrs and just concentrated on bringing up my kids. I have now been employed fulltime for the last 2 years and its very hard. I have also been through 4 different nannys which is the route i would suggest for you. The ones i had ended up just not being right for my kids or not flexible or demanding this that and the other thing even though I had contracts with all of them. Only 1 was perfect but then we moved so back to square one.
At the moment as my kids are older 10 and 6 they go to before and after school club at school which is a god send and I would be stuffed without it. Being a military mum you need to be independant and strong willed. If you have these traits you will be fine. If you have family close by that too is a bonus. Mine live 2 hours away but I know they will be at the end of the phone if I need a cry or whinge.
Its hard but be strong and you can do it. But you will be married to the service not the husband until he comes out so bear this in mind.
Just be positive as any negativity will rub off on your children.
Good luck and shout if you need anything.

thanks karen,
he did a herrick tour 4 yrs ago which was tough, but throwing children in the mix makes things ten times harder in SO many ways! I'm quickly learning that independence is important - and another mum the other day said its good to stick to routine - for you and the kids AND your work - that way it keeps some consistency even with daddy coming and going all the time!

I'm finding it tough as all my girlfriends (all none-military) are at similar career level and can't understand why OH can't just "request a day off" or why it can't be him that picks the kids up if i need to work late or travel with work, basically why my job has to come second - they think he's being selfish! which is really hard to hear, and hard to explain - being "married to the service" is a good way to put it lol.

my parents are 3 hours away - they're good for babysitting if i book them in (wedding this weekend whoop!) and do everything they can, but they are nearly 70, so they can't just travel at the drop of a hat bless them. all my close friends locally all work full time so aren't available for help in the week, but are great at weekends for a couple hours here and there for haircuts etc!

thanks for the tips and the advice though, its a funny old world being a military family eh :-) thankfully we won't move around often, which is a blessing!