Quitting job & moving back north or sticking at role in wierd town?

[williaminajetfighter]

Am just about to finish mat leave and in a quandry about my next steps re: work. I have bored my friends and family talking about this so looking for some honest, impartial advice.

A few years ago I took a role at a town in the South East. I spent 6 months working there while my DP and DD stayed in our old house up north and, DP at his job and DD at school. DD then moved down with me and DP came down on weekends as wanted to finish a big project at work before he found a new job and moved down. But then I got pregnant and we all decided DP would stay up north and we would all go back there to have baby and go on mat leave. Mat leave is coming to an end and we now all plan to move back down in the Autumn.

The only problem is we are very happy up here and although I have a job in the South East I HATED where I was living. The town was small, twee and conservative and although very pretty and historic just isn't my thing - surrounding area also has no 'vibe'. I have tried to warm to the place but I get a heavy heart whenever I think about moving back. The job itself is okay but hasn't really lived up to its expectations. It looks good on paper, just not that exciting in RL and I would probably want to move on in a few years.

In my heart I would rather just quit my job and not drag my family back to a place where I really don't want to settle. What's the point of moving everyone to where I clearly don't want to be. However the practical part of me thinks it would be stupid to quit a job without anything to go to. I also know that jobs where I am in the north are MUCH harder to come by so I could be looking for something for a long time and even then it could be a compromise.

Argh. What should I do? Go down south and try to settle? Stay up north and look for work here? Or go south temporarily with a view to returning north long term? I also feel DD needs to settle and I can't keep moving about. Advice most appreciated!!

Meant to add that DP is happy to stay north although aware his opportunities will be better in the South but 'doesn't really care where he lives'.

I suppose the basic question you have to ask yourself is, could you afford to live up north on just your dp's salary? If the answer is yes, I would move back to where you feel comfortable and be prepared to spend some time finding a new job. I agree with you that your dd could probably do with settling. Having moved my children around a bit in their younger years, I can see now how important it is to them to be settled.

As a southerner, I am curious to know which town you are speaking of.

Have you looked for a job up north during your maternity leave? I'd start there. You can't make a decision without facts.

As a Northerner myself id say stay North! What are the chances of you finding similar or at least similarly paid work up here?

Do you own properties in both areas?

I would personally move north.
There's no point sticking something out somewhere you don't want to live as it will just make everyone unhappy. As for the practicalities, it depends whether you can afford to live on just one income if you move up north, which I guess depends on where you want to move to.

I'm a southerner but I live up north now and I'd never go back. (I'm very curious as to which town you're talking about!)

Oh lovely responses already! I own houses in both areas, currently friends staying in house down south but could probably rent out for about 1500 so some income there. I have looked for work up here but in the six months of checking websites and alerts, nothing at my level. I'm sure I'll find a job eventually it just could be a real step down.

Everard it's a University town in the south east... but a lot of people love it there so I'm just an oddball for finding it grim.

sounds like Lewes to me

See I'd actually prefer Lewes as you're buy the sea at least! But no burning effigies where I am!

I was going for Winchester (my home town) but then you said 'university' and while Winch has a uni, it is usually described as a cathedral town...

Oh god I meant 'by the sea' not 'buy the sea'..>!

Everard...it's not Cambridge. Does that help? I think Winchester is lovely but say that from a tourists point of view....

OK gotcha

If there are lower grade jobs you could take in the north, can you not envisage that, with your skills and expertise, you would soon be back up on the rung on the ladder you are currently on, or does your field of work not work that way?

williamina
We moved south for DH's career shortly after our marriage - no DC at that point. I can remember feeling my heart start to sink into my stomach as we drove down from 'home'.
Although it was for career purposes, we eventually moved back to the Midlands, and I felt so much happier. DH has lived everywhere, so it really didn't bother him.
Canterbury?

Ever, it's tricky. The jobs market is really slow up here. It would be very hard (and bad for the old self esteem) to take a lower paid job then try to move my way back up. It could take years and years. Loads of women do it - or are forced to do it - but it's not ideal. There just isn't the level of job turnover or opportunities here than there are in the SE which was our whole reason for moving in the first place. Sigh!

Ok, why not use next week to step your job search into a higher gear? Don't just check websites, but start calling companies, joining recruitment agencies, signing up with head-hunters, really actively pursue a new position.

It sounds like you'll all be miserable if you go back down South. :-(

Renting out the house sounds ideal. Could you remortgage it, buy a new place and rent that out too? Start a property empire?

Or sell it and invest half the dash and live on the rest? Start your own company?

• cash, not dash :)

And weigh up what'll be less soul-destroying -- working your way back up from a lower position up north, or dragging everyone back down South with you.

I'd have thought it wouldn't take you long to work your way back up. It's not like you'd have to climb every rung again, is it? If you're good, I'm sure you'd skip a few rungs.

A late note to sat thx for the great advice everyone. An going to rev up the job search and see if I have any luck over the next few months. Cheers all.

Good luck!

Op, feel for you, have just posted not dissimilar thread. Don't know what to advise- work partly form home possible? Give yourself 6monthd, then take stock if you can't decide now? If dd is still a baby, believe me she won't notice, it's you who will if you have to move! Much harder when they're older. So if you want to ultimately return up north, could set say4- 5 yr plan to find job to enable you to do so, ie before she starts school.

Thx swift. Are you planning to do similar.. And what was the tipping point for you?

Could you become a remote worker ? Maybe make the trip down twice a month?