Having trouble settling into the Creche

[Tula]

I have recently joined a new local leisure centre, my dd is 17 months old, a happy and contented only child (on the whole!)although maybe a little cautious of lots of noise and different faces.

I looked at the creche on joining, it is run by a local nursery school and seemed very nice.

Everything seemed perfect and I couldn't wait for the club to open., My master plan was to put dd in the creche once or twice a week for an hour to hour and a half, but my plan has gone to pot!!

To start with he Creche suggested that I take her for an introduction session where I would play with her for half an hour or so and then leave her for half an hour. This on the whole went well although when I went to pick her up she burst into tears, the lady said shehad been OK but had got upset a few times when other mums had arrived but it was normal for new children.

The second and third time I left her for an hour, she cried when I left and cried when I came back, apparently she had been quite tearful and clingy whilst away just wanting to be carried around.

Then yesterday as soon as we walked into the crache she cried and cried, she got terribly upset. I spent some time with her before leaving but as soon as said goodbye she was beside herself again and didn't get any better during her hour, so they called me back. Before we left I spent a further 45 minutes with her just letting her play whilst I was present and she was fine!

Has anyone any advice on how to handle this situation, I hate seeing her so unhappy but feel that in the long run it will all be good practice for nursery at 2.5/3 and give me a break to excercise.

I do attend toddler groups with her where she is more than happy and confident but obviously I am in full view! I work part time but she cared for my her grandma/ or daddy.

Help appreciated.......

Tula, in my experience, leaving a miserable child at nursery/creche only exacerbates the problem. I've found that repeatedly putting my child into a disliked situation in the hopes that they will 'get used to it' has not worked, making my child even more insecure and clingy. But when I stopped the activity altogether, not even mentioning it, then introduced it again a few months later, my child has had time to mature and has settled in without a problem.

At 17 months your baby may not have fully developed object permanence, so when you leave her with someone new she doesn't know that you'll ever come back. Also, a child of that age has no sense of time, and a minute is as long as a year, to her. I really wouldn't worry about what she will be doing at 2.5 or 3yrs old as she will be unrecognisable as the 17mth old she is today, having learnt new skills and found new ambitions!

I know it's hard having to do without 'me time' but it's really just for a very short space of your life and in a few months you'll have forgotten it was ever like this.

tula, this must be so frustrating for you, especially as your daughter is happy to be cared for by your dh and mother.

With each of my sons, I tried leaving them in creches for the same reasons as you - I wanted them to get used to nursery situations, and I desperately needed some me time. It sounds like you have gone as far as you can with the leisure centre creche for the moment. As suedonim says, give it a little time and try again. Even six weeks can make a huge difference. And don't worry that you are producing a clingy toddler. My sons didn't like our leisure centre creche when very young - could it have been the background noise and the big, strange building that frightened them? yet they settled perfectly at nurseries and with their childminders later on.

It could be that your daughter just doesn't like the busy atmosphere of the leisure centre creche and would be happier in a one-to-one home environment. After all, that's what she is already used to. So, how about looking for some part time childminding? Could you find a childminder who could give your daughter a couple of quiet hours once or twice a week? You could then go to your classes without a worry.

Hope things work out.

dear tula, I sympathise. You can read my similar-ish experiences on the 'Playgroup at 2.5' thread if you like.

My daughter cried hysterically when I left her at playgroup (she was just 2). I took her away for a couple of months and then tried a childminder - she's been fine!

I agree with SueDonim, I think that she clearly doesn't want to go and you may exacerbate the problem by persevering. Take her away and try again in 6 weeks or so.

I think children, especially only children, need to get used to a creche or nursery earlier than 17 months to stand a chance of enjoying it. From 18 months to 2 most toddlers seem very wary of trying new things.

With my next they'll be off to a creche as soon as possible!

Tigermoth, Enid and Sue, thank you all for your advice.

I think I will take a break from leaving her on her own for a while but to keep up with the familiarity side of things will take her down for a while once or twice a week and stay with her whilst she plays, so that she can hopefully gain some confidence and become more comfortable with the environment.

The creche will be opening all day from the beginning of April and they are anticipating that the afternoons won't be as busy only upto six children. So once she is hopefully happier there I will start introducing her to it again slowly, maybe just 15 -30 minutes at a time at the quieter time and take it from there.

Thanks again,