Gone back to work and finding it tough. Advice please.

[pottierbytheday]

I have recently gone back to work (again) and I am completely frazzled.

Background:
I am a single mum with 3 dc (12, 11 and 7) at three different schools and no family nearby. Ex sees kids every other weekend and one night every other week. The children have a total of 19 weeks holiday between them (I kid you not!) .

Jobs:
Worked as a lawyer part-time on and off until third dc was 6 months. Then found trying to hit my billing targets too stressful and impossible so quit.

Retrained as a teacher (on the job) in a very rough secondary school with a two hour commute each day. Although I qualified I almost had a breakdown in the process due to stress of position and marriage falling apart.

[Got divorced]

Since the start of year I have been working as a local property manager Mon-Fri 9-3pm with 4 weeks holiday per year.

Kids:
I spend approx. 3 hours per day driving kids to/from school. Usually we are all back by about 6.30pm. I try to help with homework and be there for the important stuff like school shows.

Finances:
I can just about get by for a few years if I don't work, but not long term.

Problem:
I don't feel I am coping very well with all the demands and feel like a failure for saying this. Maybe I just need to accept that this is the way things are and stop moaning. I know I am in a luckier position than many but I am finding it tough. I find my job very stressful because I often have to deal with complaints. People rant down the phone and send rude or threatening emails and it really gets to me as I don't have a very thick skin. I can't work out if I just keep picking the wrong jobs or if I just focus on the negatives too much.

Advice needed:
Am I being spoilt/feeble to consider giving up my job?
Any ideas how to find a good work/life balance?

Why can none of the children get a bus to school? Are you not in catchment, no suitable public transport? That 3 hours of driving a day must cost you a fortune.

Finances will get better for various reasons, I wouldn't prioritise worrying about that.

It's easier to get a job when you already have a job. I think I would focus on making current situation as good as it can be while keeping eyes out for other opportunities.

Why are they at 3 different schools? Is there anything you could do about this?

Come September, two will be at the same school and I should be able to drop them at the train station which will make life a bit easier. Ex insisted all three educated privately so schools are not near my house.

Move the children to local state schools. If ex wants them all in indi, let him arrange transport for them.

Why did you not carry on teaching? You must have felt a strong commitment to keep up with the training, I'm wondering why you're not teaching now (in a nicer school close to home?)

I agree try to rope ex in with school run if at all poss...

I agree with others. Your ex is making your life hell with a 3 hour transport with the kids. I can't imagine spending that much time just ferrying kids around with a job on top. If he really insists on giving them a private education, then he needs to either do the transport himself or provide you with a nanny that does school pick up and drop off. Otherwise, it's the local school for them.

Something has to give, and to me it would be the private education.

You definitely need to sort out help with the school runs.
What subject(s) did you train to teach? Did you do your NQ T year?

Thanks for advice so far.

I won't bore you with the details but schools were a major issue between ex and myself. Ex wanted private boarding, I wanted local state. Compromise was local private schools.

Ex is a workaholic and alcoholic who lives with his parents. He has never helped with school runs and being realistic he isn't about to start now!

You would be much better finding a part-time teaching job. Maybe even look at the indies so your holidays match.
I would also agree that if your ex has strong feelings about educating your children then he should help to ferry them about....

I trained to be an art teacher but never did my NQT year. Divorce took over. Lost lots of confidence and not sure of my abilities. Have considered swapping to primary but probably clutching at straws.

I would say find a good 3-18 with comprehensive wrap around, that your ex is also happy with, and move to be a stones throw from it.

Then find a job teaching or in Law that fits in with the wrap around the school provides.

Massive upheaval initially then years of calm.

OK. How about this.

Start looking for an art job in a big 3-18 boarding that does accommodation.

No school run- kids and you potter down to school in the morning. You get a fee remission. Kids are at your school so your lives fit together better. More resources in the art department so you can express yourself...

We are just about to move back to a boarding set up for these benefits.

@CharlesRyder

Thanks for all the ideas. Not sure how feasible some of them are but it is helping me realise there are other ways to organise my life!

I think you have to either think outside the box or sit it out. There is probably no 'easy' fix.

I agree that part-time teaching could be part of the solution - how about having a word with your childrens' schools to see if there are any vacancies?

Also you only have a few more weeks of the awful school run. Is the station within walking distance so they can walk home from September? That would just leave 1 DC to collect.

I've had a number of career changes too, with 3 DC to organise (and I'm a LP). If you try to be more open minded about what might be fun/interesting/worthwhile, you might be surprised at what turns up. Some of my most interesting jobs have turned up completely unexpectedly and have proved to be very rewarding.