Going back before 1 year (& 4 day week) mums

[BurbGirl2013]

Hi ladies
I'll be returning to work in August when my DS is 7 months old.
This is largely due to financial reasons (we took out ridiculous mortgage) the fact I ( maybe selfishly) still want a few nice holidays a year as well as really having to fight for my job as it was with my predecessor totally taking the P with maternity/tribunals meaning they had no trust in me and I wanted to prove I would be back etc.

I've luckily managed to negotiate a 4 day week with a phased return of 3.5 days for first 2 months, then going to 4 days (working 8.30-5.30) with Wednesday totally off.

My question is- to those who also went back before the first year how was it? What were the hardest or best things? What were the biggest struggles ? Have you settled into it and even enjoy working? My boy still wakes twice during night and I'm getting very stressed about going into work/commuting after a broken nights sleep- how did you manage?!!

If anyone works 4 days- can you let me know if this has made a positive impact/difference to seeing your child for that extra day being at home/getting more work life balance and which day off you have?? Would love to hear from others in similar situations...just trying to convince myself it will be ok!

Sounds similar to me - I went back when dd was 9 months. Started at 3 days then up to 4 days. She is my second.

I found it hard as she was not very good at sleeping at night. But I coslept to get through the worst of it plus early nights. I did get a lot of bugs going back to work - sounds silly but be militant about hand washing when getting the tubes/trains!(dd didn't although she didn't go to nursery).

If you can see if you can negotiate working from home one day a week to help with the commute.

Also it depends on how much you enjoy your job. If you like it then it is easier to go back.

I went back when DS was 9.5 months, initially 3 days a week for the first 5 months then 4 days a week.

Things which worked well

• He settled into nursery really well and didn't seem to suffer as much from separation anxiety as some of my friends' babies who didn't start nursery until they were 1. I worried about him not napping or eating well there but he was fine.

-His sleep improved a bit once he started nursery, maybe because of all the activities he did there?

• I really enjoyed being me rather than just DS's mummy and I liked the social interaction of being back at work. Being able to take a lunch break and read a book, go for a walk, go to the loo by myself was great too!

-Every couple of months DH and book a day off work when DS is at nursery and go to the cinema / spa / posh lunch in the daytime. I feel more relaxed doing this than leaving him with babysitter in the evening because he is so well settled at nursery.

• The extra money is essential, we would have really struggled if one of us was stay at home parent

Things which were hard

• He didn't sleep through the night until 18 months so I was pretty tired. I coped by co-sleeping and drinking lots of coffee!
• I needed to be very efficient in the mornings to get to nursery and work on time- clothes laid out and bags packed the night before etc
• I also had to work more efficiently at work because I didn't have the option of staying late to finish off if needed as I needed to get to nursery on time.
• We had to stop going to some of the baby groups which I liked as they weren't on my day off (but he probably would have grown out of them a few months later anyway and we found others on my day off)

I prefer doing 4 days to 3. When working 3 days I felt that I missed too much at work and seemed to spend one of my 3 days catching up on emails from the other 2 days. Now that I work 4 days many people don't even notice that I work part time as it is so normal for people at my work to be in other offices for meetings / working from home one day a week.

Good luck with your return!

Hi Burbgirl,

I went back to work when my little boy was 9 months old, we too couldn't afford for me or OH to stay home. I started back at 3 days a week which I loved - I was contracted to 4 days and used my annual leave for the other day, my mum had him when I was at work. Once that ran out, it was back to the 4 days, after his 1st birthday. I'm now back to work full time because we bought a house and need my full salary for us to be able to provide for our son. My little boy spends 3 days with my mum and 2 days in nursery. I have to say that going back to work when he was a littly was easier than upping it to full time now! I guess I was lucky that he slept through the night (mostly) and so work wasn't too tiring. Now though, he is 20 months old and so much bloody fun I miss him so so much. So if you are like me, going back will be easier at the beginning but may get harder so just prepare for that happening! My little boy has the most amazing relationship with my Mum and loves his 2 days in nursery so I know he is happy as larry - it's me that feels a bit crap all the time!

Oh I do also work from home 1 day a week. All the other days I have to run around like a loon driving him here and there and commuting to work on the tube! My Thursday at home is so much calmer and also means I get to pick him up a little bit earlier and spend some extra time with him.

Good luck hun, just remember that needs must. You will feel guilty at times but when there's a mortgage to pay there's not many other options xxx

I went back at 10 mos, but would've been before if I'd found a job faster - I did 5 then went to 4 and the extra day at home made things so much more bearable, it was the difference between feeling like I was drowning in tasks all the time and letting the dc down and coping. Good luck op

Hi ladies thankyou for your replies- so interesting and some great tips. Really reassuring too. It's hard as seems everyone I know is taking the full year mat leave and some returning 2 days/some not at all as well.

Boring I'm co-sleeping still too and intend on still doing this until (fingers crossed?!) he sleeps through. Great tip re. Bugs & keeping clean. Sadly my work don't really "do" working from home as would've loved this. I do enjoy my job, it's not very challenging (so good in way as can do on nog much sleep though shame not more mentally challenging!)

Green sounds very similar to us and love him as I do can imagine lunch breaks suddenly being such a luxury!! Love your idea re. both taking day off while they're in nursery I'll also have to leave on dot at end of day to puck him up! know I'll probably get some "looks" from colleagues as I dash out each day but has to be done?! How often was he still waking at night when you went back?

Fluttery thanks! great idea re! using annual leave to ease back part-time, I think I'll use a lot of 1/2 days to give every other Friday afternoon off! My mum is also doing 1 day a week so that makes me feel better, can only imagine as they grow and personality and bond develops even more how much harder it'll be...

gen35 & chund glad sounds like it wasn't too tough for either of you, hearing this is making me worry a lot less?!

Yes it wasn't too tough - personally I have a lot more trouble with dd missing me now she's nearly 4 than at 10 mos! but at least now I can explain things to her. Good luck op!