Hi all,
My son is 9 months old. I quit my job when I had him as we were moving and the nursery fees where we were living (London) were ridic. Now I am working 8 hours a week approx. from home doing admin for a procurement company. It does not pay well but keeps me out of trouble so to speak and covers the cost of a nanny to come over and be with my son whilst I am working.
Anyway... the problem is is that I think I might want to work more however I am really struggling with guilt as I really wanted to stay at home with my son - however prior to having him I was very independent and I think not working/being around other people has really affected my confidence.
I was a child of a Mum who worked all hours and missed her terribly growing up so I really wanted to be there for my Son as much as possible - I just don't think I am cut out to be a stay at home mum though. I don't enjoy going to mothers groups much, not because they are rubbish but I just like having more purpose in my life which I don't find at these.
We are lucky in that we do not need the money (we have moved into a cheaper house on the basis that I would stay at home). I am just so torn. On the one hand I think I need my independence but on the other I am worried about my Son.
I think a lot of my worry comes from reading a book by the Psychologist (sorry about the spelling!) Oliver James called 'how not to f**k them up'. It goes on about how the best person for a child until the age of 3 is there mum/dad and I feel now a bit like I wish I never read the damn book as its just making me feel crap for wanting to work!!
Has anyone else read that book? Am I just looking too much into it? Should I just get back out there work wise?!
aghhh - anyway felt good there to have a bit of a rant.
Advice welcomed or is there anyone else who is struggling with making a decision? I appreciate that some people have to work (my own mother included) and I do not mean to offend anyone.
xx