I dont know what I want to be when I grow up.

[littlegreenlight1]

So so so depressed over this today.
Will try not to drag it out.
Had dd when I was 18 so left 6th form with only one A level.
Married to an EA man who prevented me from working so as to keep me at home. Had the odd job in shops/bars but he made it so difficult I packed them in.
Grew balls one day when youngest ds was a baby and applied behind his back for a TA job in a high school. Much to his disgust I got it and off I went.
Did that for years (whilst studying for a degree) then promoted to a cover teacher, did that for a few years and then due to politics in teh workplace, decided to leave (as did so so many people) and got a behaviour support job in a primary school.
Great job, new experiences, supportive staff.

Said job has completely changed, my main child is being moved and basically come september I probably wont have a job (only a temp contract).

I am so low in self esteem at the moment I dont have the energy to get my cv together to apply for other jobs. I dont believe I will ever get another one and I dont know where to start. I have to get a job because I have to pay the mortgage.
I dont feel like Ive ever really found a career, even though I have 9+years in a school setting, I still dont know what I want to do and its really frustrating me at the moment, Im close to tears constantly.

I had to pack in my degree because with 3 kids and FT work I just couldnt cope (managed 5/7 years) so it might look good on a cv or do I leave it off because I couldnt manage to finish it (I do not regret this, I was going to go mad).

Not sure what Im asking, has anyone been in this position? What options are there out there if any?

Main issue here is your low self esteem, which is probably tied up with lots of things, including your EA ex, and not just with your career, though that's the safe place to pin it for now, iyswim.

It's interesting that on paper, what you've told us here makes you sound like an incredibly impressive character and so employable. Despite having DC in your teens, you found the strength to leave a bad marriage, you supported DC and self while studying and holding down a demanding job. you have been consistent in staying in educational environment.

Did you enjoy the SEN work? Would you consider looking for another similar job? Or specialist training in that area? Are any schools near you expanding that may need experienced TAs/SEN TAs?

Where did you do the degree? Was it OU? if not, having done it PT for 5-7 years, could you contact the OU and see if they'd allow you to top up with a set number of modules to qualify? Don't leave it off your CV. But maybe imply that it is on-going PT study.

I think you need to give yourself a few hours to day dream what you want to do next. Write down what your strengths and highlights have been throughout your career to boost your confidence a bit and then see which of those good qualities you most enjoy possessing and want to expand.

Yeah I have often wondered, despite being generally happy, whether I Should have some counselling to deal with the past. The low self esteem I spoke of yesterday was at the end of a long, emotional day.
I got down to it and did my CV. I have found 3 jobs I want to apply for, one as a cover teacher again and two in family support. They are probably both a bit above me, but I do have the relevant experience and qualifications bar actually ever having the job. Family work is what Ive wanted to do for years so I am finally finding the balls to apply for some jobs rather than thinking about it.
I honestly dont expect to even get an interview for either and certainly wont get my hopes up but I do feel better overall.
I dont want to be a TA again but obviously that will be better than being unemployed!

Yes I studied with the OU, so I will contact them and see what my options are. I did my degree (well most of it) in language studies, so not really sure where to go from here with that.

Ill get these next two application forms off tonight and see where I go from here!

You sound amazing, so pls don't give up and apply for all these jobs.

Another possibility may be to so some nannying (perhaps for sen families since you have some relevant expertise there) while you keep interviewing form job you want to do/offer some career progression. It will not only keep the money coming but even more evidence that you are resourceful, employable in a variety of settings etc.