Returning to work when baby is just 9 months (or younger) - how to survive the workplace on minimal sleep...

[whydoIhavetodoeverything]

I have been pretty jammy with my older two dcs, who slept well and I didn't need to return to work til they were both 1 year plus. however have recently returned to work after having DC3, and on his 9month 'birthday' and am struggling. He is teething/has been full of cold, and sleeping really badly, plus waking up for the day pre dawn. I work in a professional job and was almost hallucinating at my desk this week from tiredness. I have to work financially and can't cut my hours as already work part time. Not sure if anyone can really advise, maybe just needed a moan!

I'm afraid to say that the only thing I have to offer is coffee. Plenty coffee and a 10.30 bedtime. It won't be for long, but you know that!

Is your DH pulling his weight? I'm coping much better atm (just back ft after dd3) and am yet to have a full nights sleep this year. The only thing that's changed is my DH has gone from never walking up with dd1 (terrible sleeper and early riser) to getting up occasionally with dd1 when I was seeing to dd2 (also terrible sleeper) to being on full time duty with dd1 and 2 since dd3 (also terrible sleeper).

It's beyond grim, and has driven me to the brink before now. Going to bed early with sleep meditations also helps.

I went back when DS was 7 months; his sleep went to pot at 6 months and after that he didn't really sleep through the night until he was 18 months old.

First, you can't do it alone. I tried to (I was still BFing and insisted on doing so for at least one night feed because I was sad about not feeding him during the day, in retrospect this was incredibly stupid). Then DH and I alternated wakeups. That was slightly better but still quite stupid as you were almost guaranteed a broken night every night. Then we did alternate nights, so you'd have one night of being shattered, then one night of more or less full sleep. That is much more doable.

Second, there was a great thread on here years ago about how to deal with early wakers. I'll try to dig it out but the gist was that, if they are waking at a predictable time then get up 20 minutes before that, wake them slightly but not so much that they won't settle back to sleep. (NB: They must be sleeping deeply at this point.) The idea is that disrupts the sleep cycle that has them waking up at stupid o'clock. It sounds completely counterintuitive but it really worked! I assume you've already got blackout blinds etc.

Third, yeah, coffee.

Fourth - is he hungry? Our breakthrough was weetabix or porridge for supper.

Good luck!

Take multivitamins as you catch the illnesses they catch and they will catch them...

Get the big horrible jobs out the way at work, so on the days you are really struggling you can concentrate on the little jobs.

Get a cleaner

Groceries online - love Ocado phone app. You can add to your grocery list as you run out of things.

Buy frozen chopped onions.

Fish fingers are fine.

Take naps in the weekend with the baby - get the sleep in where you can.

Keep baby wipes in your hand bag - for petit filou emergency removal situations.

Get a good box set to relax.

I feel your pain DC3 is 15 months and still wakes up at least once. It's got better though. I tend to manage Mon-Wed fine on practically no sleep, but Thursday can be awful (have been known to nap at lunchtime). Thursday evening I usually go to bed at same time as kids. At the weekends, I catch up. I think averaged out over the week (including weekend naps with the kids), I probably get ca. 6-7 hours a night, just very little over three of those days. Probably not very healthy in the long run, but manageable now that my body is used to it, and much better since I stopped breast feeding. Also, cutting down on coffee and having a proper breakfast have massively improved my energy levels.

Both you and DH need to be dealing with thw night wakings, now you are both working.

Early nights.

Eat as well as you can.

Let the housework slide in exchange for rest.

I wish someone had been there, just to pat my hair, when I did this.

It's seriously tough, with non-sleeping baby plus two others.

And there isn't really a support network for new mothers in the workplace. Your employer doesn't care about your sleep deprivation torture. They do care about you doing your job - or at least appearing so to do.

Things I wish someone had said to me:

• it'll pass. Just remember that what you are doing right now is surviving. That means avoiding disaster and very little else.
• what you say in a meeting will be forgotten in a few days. Your written work will be there forever. So put your efforts into the latter.
• take a pin into meetings and stick it into your thigh if your eyelids start drooping.
• use every single tightening cream there is in order to stop your baggy eps being your dominant feature. And get a seriously good seriously low maintenance hairdo. It's all wrong, but appearance does matter (fight that battle when you've got your energy back). So streamline wardrobe and grooming, but make sure you scrub up well. Get a good bra and a good jacket (you amy have changed shape after 3rd PG and, no, a near miss from a while back isn't good enough.
• make sure the first 5 minutes at your desk is spent co-ordinating home and work diaries.
• if you speak a foreign language,use it if making nets at a meeting. Not only does it keep your brain engaged, but you can annotate them with a list like "buy wipes and sudocreme, pay karate club deposit, pick up dry cleaning" and no-one else will know.

Here's that thread on waking to sleep, to give my ramblings their proper label.

Fab Meditrina. Just loved reading that. Thanks