Boss was rude to me in public today

[ClubName]

My boss is pretty demanding but I feel generally fair (towards me anyway). I usually keep my nose clean and am one of the "liked" employees. I have a colleague who has managed to get on the wrong side of her (frankly by being lazy and not good at her job) and that colleague can do nothing right IYSWIM.

Anyway to day she asked me to do something that she's asked me to do several times before and which I've told her at least twice before I've already done. So, when she asked, I said yes I did it the first time you asked. I thought my tone was neutral I wasn't intending to be sarky or even making appoint, I was just answering the question. I was in a good mood at the time so it's not even that my bad mood came across! The remark about the "first time" was a joke if anything - she can usually take a bit of light-hearted banter.

Anyway she was really rude to me about how she didn't need the sarcasm etc and all I front of 2 colleagues. The colleagues couldn't believe what they heard and (they say) didn't understand why she had a problem with my "attitude"

It's left a bit of a bad taste. We've been ultra polite to each other for the rest of the day but it hasn't been discussed.

Do I leave it to blow over or should I have a clear the air conversation with her? I generally find her OK to work for but like I say, once your card is marked others don't always find her so. I've certainly worked for worse bosses in the past. However, I do feel that if she has a problem with my attitude or something I said/did it should be discussed in private in future and I would like to say that to her. I don't want to get on the wrong side of her though and be one of the ones who can do nothing right!

WWYD?

I would bring it up with her tomorrow in a relaxed way. Find an excuse to talk to her in her office about something else then at the end of that conversation say "By the way, I hope you realise I wasn't being sarcastic yesterday with that comment. I was genuinely just reminding you that I'd completed x task."

Hopefully at that point, since you've said she's normally reasonable, she will say "I completely understand, I'm sorry that I snapped, please accept my apology."

I would certainly be open to a conversation like that from a staff member if I'd unwittingly done something to offend someone.

Hmm but what if she accepts my apology but doesn't offer her own? Then I really will be fuming!

You're not apologising though, you're just stating the facts and telling her that you weren't being sarcastic.

If she starts to argue the toss, you say that the situation has been on your mind overnight and you wanted to clear the air as her comments came across rather harsh and you're sure this wasn't her intention.

She thought you were rude to her, you thought she was rude to you- I would let it go unless there is a repeat otherwise I think you risk looking a bit whiny.

I have had an indirect report say something similar to me. Even though her tone was neutral and she may not have meant it in a sarcastic way, it left a bad taste in my mouth and I quickly left the room.

I can understand the ultrapolite bit that came later. Since this is the first time, I think you should just make a mental note not to say that sort of thing again. Unfair as it is, that is the way the world turns so long as she is your boss.

If you decide to bring it up to your boss, I think it best not to bring it up in the context of explaining yourself in that situation because it makes you sound defensive and you would in fact be accusing her of pulling you up in front of your peers which is wrong of her but I think she gets it and so was ultrapolite to try and make up.

Let's just say if you have to steer a course between action and inaction, as this is a first offence, it is best to err on the side of inaction, especially if your boss is demanding and not always reasonable. I have had unreasonable bosses in the past and I have never regretted NOT raising an issue with them after I had calmed down. On the contrary, I can see how raising an issue would have just poured oil on a fire and left me with fewer choices going forwards.

If this happens repeatedly, then it is a different story but not one for today.

I meant to also say that where my colleague felt she had to raise it again with me, it was a week later and she mentioned that she was under stress that week and so apologised if she sounded rude just generally. She did not refer back to that incident but we both knew what she was talking about. That was a good way of clearing the air but I appreciate you may have reservations about making it sound like your fault.

However neutral you perceive the delivery of your comment to have been, the content of your comment makes it loaded. You didn't say 'yes, I've done that', you said 'yes I did it the first time you asked' i.e. you're telling her, presumably in front of the colleagues who witnessed her response to you, that she's asked you several times and not remembered your reply. This could come across as insubordination, which would explain her retort about sarcasm to you. Just as you didn't appreciate a perceived dressing down from her in front of others, the likelihood is she felt similarly about your comment.

I would draw a line under it, and continue as normal. Hopefully your boss will do the same. (If you do decide to raise it, see it from her side - the likelihood is that she didn't receive your comment in the way it was intended.)

Fascicle, I am glad you posted that. I wasn't sure if as the superior I was being the sensitive one but the word insubordination did come to mind.

Yes, you're all right. Thank you