Received nasty email in error

[urbandream]

I received an email from my boss, clearly sent by mistake, that was basically them bitching about me with another employee - I questioned my boss about it, who claimed it wasn't about me and they had sent it on purpose so I could be part of the bitching, but this is clearly a lie. How would you respond?

Do it. It's about what happened to you and how you feel and it sounds like HR are trying to minimise it. Document what your boss is saying, including her questioning your mental health (how dare she!).

If you let it go, your boss will return to form, you'll lose the ability to complain about it and everyone (boss, HR) knows that you know (you weren't taken in by the rubbish excuse), but rolled over when they asked you to. I don't know for sure, but accepting this could make it harder to prove you're upset if she does anything else that's similar. From what you say she's a low-level bully, not someone for whom this was out of character.

What would your boss do if the roles were reversed and you were making disparaging comments about her on email? Would she let it go for a quiet life?

I know it's a horrible situation, but it sounds like the type that gets worse if you ignore it.

By accepting it, I mean acting like it didn't happen, which seems to be what HR suggest.

If you have the email noted on your HR record and hers , it's there if you need it in future. If you ignore it now but refer to it later on, e.g. if your boss bullies you during pregnancy or maternity leave, you may find everyone else has a short memory and forgets about this incident.

I don't think I can ignore it now, I am not quite sure what I want from it - I think I would feel a bit better if she just admitted what she did and apologised, at least I would have a tiny amount of respect for her then. I guess my fear is this is one bitchy email I have seen she could be saying much worse that I don't know about

If you don't know what you want, sit down with HR and ask them what they mean by 'sorting it without it getting messy'. Ask what your options are. Suggest that actually you want to move teams or have an apology or payrise or compensation or whatever and if that's not forthcoming, ask them why it would be in your interests to not raise it formally. Basically start negotiations to get something you want out of this.

"A bit of an update - HR are trying to persuade me not to raise it formally!!"

I would raise it especially if they are trying to smooth things over. I have had this in other settings (think nursery failure of duty of care) and to keep the peace did not take it further. Hr is jus trying to spare themselves the hassle as they might know that your manager will be called up on it hard if you follow it through and that would, of course, rock the boat big time.

Take it further, go to the doctor and get signed of for stress (you so don't end this right now) . In my experience, once a bitch, always a bitch!!!!!

Is there a representative, like employee support other than hr you could talk to confidentially? Does your company have "golden rules" check if your manager broke them with the email whether it was about you or not is irrelevant rally.

Good luck. Your manager is a bloody idiot.

Your manager is completely out of order, whether the bitching was about you or another member of staff. Her suggestion that it was sent to you so that you could join in with the bitching is unbelievable, regardless of whether or not she was lying. She needs to be pulled up on her behaviour.

If I were you, I would be asking HR exactly how they propose that the situation can be resolved informally, and in what way they think it might get "messy" if you put in a formal grievance. That sounds to me like a veiled threat. You have every right to put in a grievance if you want to, and in your shoes, I probably would!

You could put in a specific data protection request to access any emails in which she mentions you.

Keep a running 'list' of your verbal communications with this person too. I think her comments about your mental health are wholly inappropriate too. Is she a qualified psychiatrist? No!!

You need to advise HR about her latest spectacularly inappropriate behaviour as a manager. Something needs to be recorded formally about this to protect you.

The fact she has bought your mental health into question is concerning - If you have an employee off for stress you do not start using this to excuse why they feel you haven't treated them fairly, especially when it is clear she is in the wrong.
Don't let them try to talk you into working with her now, as she will find another way to let you go further down the line if you don't go through with this and show her you mean business. Can you switch departments?

OP - I've been bullied but in a much smaller firm with no HR dept as such.

Please if you can take it further. (just seen they've tried to persuade you not to raise it formally). These people need to realise they can't get away with being bullies.

I know someone else ironically who works for a local council HR dept and is herself being bullied and now off sick.

The message needs to be out there that more and more organisations and staff do not bully and do not tolerate it!

I also agree with Funky - you need to figure out what you want, change of department etc.

sometimes the bully or person being bullied will have to leave (as in the someone else I know who works for local authority HR).

The bully often does not realise they bully or is so thick skinned they don't see their behaviour as bullying.

So when they bring in your mental health and you are also pregnant I'd see your doctor, get it noted down! Signed off, notes by doctor.

But work out what you want and if they can work with you.