I am 35 with 4 children, one of my DCs has complex learning difficulties. I have been a SAHM for the last 6 years, since DD (who has LDs) was born. I did have a p/t job for a while which fitted in beautifully with DHs hours, so we didn't use childcare while I was at work. I was unfortunately made redundant last year - it was such a shame because it was always too good to be true. The money and hours were both brilliant.
A couple of months ago, I saw a job advertised and applied for it thinking I'd never get it. Well, I was wrong and they've offered me the job. It is 2 days a week; one set day in the week and one day every weekend once I have completed orientation. DCs would all go to a childminder in the week.
So far, so good. I informally accepted the conditional (of references) offer of employment. BUT.... I feel so, so, sick at the thought of going back to work for a few reasons:
- Leaving the children, especially DD. It is a bit of a risk leaving her, she may not cope with it at all.
-We have a Consultant appointment coming up which could potentially change the amount of care DD needs in the coming months (its a really long story, sorry to be vague).
- DH works long hours in the week. The only time we get together is at the weekends, and this is the only time that the care of DD is shared between two people. I usually do everything she needs, it is hard work at times and it is nice to lighten the load at the weekend. Working every Saturday or Sunday will obviously be a big change.
Financially, we could do with the extra wage coming in every month, which was one of the biggest factors of me applying. Since then, DD has been awarded Disability Living Allowance. I am now able to claim Carer's Allowance and our Child Tax Credit will increase. I have never claimed any benefits before, so this is new to me and feels a bit weird. If I have done my figures right (which I'm pretty sure I have), by the time we have paid for childcare for 4 children, I will have more money coming in from Carer's Allowance / CTC / Child Benefit than I will for going to work. That in itself seems wrong, but I didn't really want to start a debate on the politics of Benefits Vs Working!
My heart is telling me to walk away from the job offer and be a SAHM, focus on all of the children, give DD the care she needs and accept the benefits.
My head is saying try the job, deal with any fallout from DD if she doesn't cope at the childminder if / when that happens. Have pride in myself for earning a wage, even if it is less than the benefits, and look at this as an investment into the future.
My head is spinning. I just don't know what I want, what I should do or how I feel because I've been overthinking this for too long. I wish I had a crystal ball.
Any words of wisdom or advice would be gratefully received.