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Original poster

A future with no family holidays?

27 replies

Supermum222 · 27/04/2014 19:19

Hi,

I am starting to wonder if we are not meant to ever have any family time. We are (hubby and I) both noticing rises in stress over the last year. We have a 10 year old and a 6 year old. We have no grandparent help (only 2 grandparents left and they are both in their 80's so too old anyway). No help from siblings etc.
I work for the NHS and a school holiday 'rota' was introduced a few years back. Fair enough, we are allocated which week(s) we can have. However, hubby has fixed holidays and is unable to swap. He rarely gets school holidays off (probably one week every 3-4 years).
We both work ridiculous hours and very, very antisocial hours. I have worked xmas day for the last 3 years (not by choice). Hubby works a lot of weekends and the weekend he is off I am at work! So, neither of us gets a break at weekends. I work 3 days plus extra out of hours work.
Since the school holiday rule was brought in by the Government last September (no term time holidays) we have not been able to have any time off as a complete family. Hubby has told me he has May whitweek off next year. I have not :-( I have October week and Xmas week next year. It is becoming a ridiculous situation. Both of us are noticing stress levels rising. We can see no time together for the next few years.
We can't change jobs as we are both trained in specialist areas. We cannot get either employer to budge and allow us all the same week off. The schools won't budge (obviously) even though we have proof of our predicament. I feel like we are fighting against a brick wall.
What are supposed to do? Our children will grow into adults and never have any childhood memories of holidays. We feel in an impossible situation due to our jobs and lack of family/employer support. Is there anything we can do?
My direct line manager brought this school hol rota in deliberately after I started (I did mention it at interview that I couldn't be told which holidays to take). Grrrr. I know that school hols should be shared out but I am being told WHEN to be off. I never had this in my previous NHS job of 11 years. I am convinced HR and the manager know nothing of it.

OP posts:
starlight1234 · 27/04/2014 19:23

Could you maybe bring it up with HR?

Floralnomad · 27/04/2014 19:28

I'd bring it up with HR ,I've worked in the NHS (RN) for 30 years and I've never heard of anyone being allocated set weeks for holidays . No AL over Christmas and NY is fairly standard ,as is only being allowed 2 consecutive weeks without permission from a Matron .

ihatethecold · 27/04/2014 19:40

Personally if you can both have anytime off together, even if it's during term time, I would take the kids on holiday,
It will be cheaper, if they fine you then it will still be cheaper.

Life is too short to be held hostage like this.

I would also consider changing jobs.
I know you said you can't but have you looked into it?

SpottyTeacakes · 27/04/2014 19:44

My dad can only have a certain time of year off due to his job. He got fined once for taking my little brother and sister away, he appeared directly to the LEA with a supporting letter from his boss and now has a note on their file allowing term time holiday. Alternatively just pay the fine I think it'd be worth it!

addictedtosugar · 27/04/2014 19:56

Would any of your colleagues swap with you to get next whit week off?
I can't beleive with 12 months notice, your manager or HR won't allow you to pick one week every 3-4 years!
I'd swap with you.

I think you need to take it to HR, for the occasional times DH has a school holiday off to try and get that time for you.

Its not perfect, but could the kids have a holiday with you on the times you get school holidays off, could DH take them away for a weekend when your working? And, most important of all, have you got sufficient spare cash to pay for an over night (or 2 nights) of childcare to get you and DH a little bit of time away?

Original poster
Supermum222 · 27/04/2014 20:02

I am going to speak with the manager (who is based at another hospital) first and then HR. I don't think he realises how I am being put in this position. I have worked in the NHS for 18 years and never heard of this. I don't want the majority of the hols, I just want a week when my hubby manages to get a week off.
It is a nightmare and it has recently started hitting me how this will affect us.
No other department in our area has a school hol rota.
The line manager concerned actually asked me where we were going on holiday this year. I said nowhere as we can't get any time off together. She didn't bat an eyelid and the penny either didn't drop or she didn't care. She has no children at home btw and most other people on this rota do not have children. It is crazy!

OP posts:
Original poster
Supermum222 · 27/04/2014 20:04

I was told when the rota was introduced that a 3rd person could be off who wasn't on the rota. But, we have lost staff and, due to NHS cutbacks, they are not being replaced...so, only people on the rota get the time off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Supermum222 · 27/04/2014 20:06

My husband has actually said that he will take the children on holiday next May by himself. I will be at work!

OP posts:
Thetimes123 · 27/04/2014 20:06

I'd take them out of school and have a holiday, pay the fine, or phone in sick, you deserve family time. F...to Michael Gove.

edamsavestheday · 27/04/2014 20:08

She probably just hasn't thought about it from your point of view. Talk to her - I'd be surprised if she doesn't say, oh dear, I hadn't realised, let's see if we can be a bit more flexible.

Thetimes123 · 27/04/2014 20:09

I've just read your post again, and I'm even more angry for you. You must have a family holiday. My memories are filled with crazy family holidays, tis very important Blush

clam · 27/04/2014 20:15

My HT doesn't report people to the LA for fines. We're having just as many people taking term-time holidays this year as ever. Some lie about it, although it's very obvious as the kids tell you, but others are quite up-front.
HT says they're "picking their battles" and hasn't the time or the energy to take this one on!

HolidayCriminal · 27/04/2014 20:25

Can't you talk to colleagues and see if they can swap their weeks with you? Is that not allowed?

Original poster
Supermum222 · 27/04/2014 20:36

Hi,

We are able to swap but I don't like asking if others have children themselves (most don't). The week in question is filled by people with children.
I don't really want to remove the children from school. I do tend to agree that they shouldn't be missing school but why should I be put in a position, by my employer, that I have no choice? Why should I be forced to pay a fine for something out of my control? A lot of parents take children out of school to get a cheaper holiday...this is not my case.

OP posts:
SueDNim · 27/04/2014 20:41

You could offer to swap the week with another "school holiday" week off. I assume you have one to swap (which might not be the case). Could you move to another hospital or trust?

It does sound shit and unnecessarily so.

Thetimes123 · 27/04/2014 21:33

Missing a couple weeks of school is nothing compared to the feeling and memories you'll have as a family - think chicken and egg, which came first school or families (whoops that doesn't really go!)

HolidayCriminal · 27/04/2014 21:42

OP, you could ask in school about whether your circumstances are exceptional enough; get appt with HT & ask informally. They'll be very reluctant but you'd get some sense of what reception you'd get if you did formally ask for AA.

Sandthorn · 28/04/2014 08:59

Keep in mind, when you approach your manager/HR that there are two employers creating this situation: your husband's as well. But I have to say, I think it's bloody inhuman. You're not serfs!

Try your manager. Talk to your union rep. But if you get no joy, keep in mind that at least two of the organisations involved (the NHS and the school) are public sector, and speak to your MP - they might, at least, be able to exert pressure on the school to exempt your children to get a week away with both their parents.

Rosa · 28/04/2014 09:05

You sound very reasonable about this however are your colleagues who you can swap this aware of this as well ? maybe they would be willing to swap - its not as if you are asking too much to have 1 week off together every once in a while.
I would go to HR, whoever and try to get to the bottom of this you have been there for 18 years so they should give you some respect.
However you deserve time as a family and if after you have gone down the polite, asking, requesting route and it all comes back zero then I am with the take them out for a week from school and go and enjoy .... tell the school why as well...( cc Mr Gove )

EBearhug · 28/04/2014 17:30

We are able to swap but I don't like asking if others have children themselves (most don't). The week in question is filled by people with children.

It's still worth asking - the worst that can happen is that everyone says no.

It's not unreasonable to want to have time off with your husband (whether or not you have children) and there should be more flexibility in the system - but unless you ask you're not going to find out.

HolidayCriminal · 28/04/2014 17:36

Maybe the colleagues with children would be glad to have some time away from them in the long holidays & go to work instead?
I know I went back to work so I could spend less time with my children...

fuddle · 04/05/2014 15:08

Join the nurse bank simple! That's what I did for 9 years. all holidays off

SueDNim · 04/05/2014 16:35

Is the OP actually a nurse?

Original poster
Supermum222 · 04/05/2014 18:50

No, I am not a nurse. Sadly, we are unable to work bank. It would have been ideal.

OP posts:
IDontDoIroning · 05/05/2014 18:33

Isn't it the case that if you can prove to the school that you have fixed holidays that can't be taken in the school breaks that you will be exempt from the fines?