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Original poster

To give up work or not give up work...

15 replies

Bigsooze · 25/04/2014 14:42

My kids are 10 and 7 and I returned to full time work nearly 3 years ago. Previously I did a bit of freelance and work from home but it was a struggle to find work. My husband works long hours in a well paid job and has a long commute. I have always worked for my own identity and confidence rather than needing the money but have been unable to find part-time work in my area. I am good at my job and do enjoy it.

However, despite having a cleaner etc I am still struggling with the roles of primary child carer, worker and house maintenance manager!

I can manage OK in term time but we have the summer holidays coming up again. My kids hate holiday clubs and make me feel very guilty. My elderly father in law is keen to help, but he simply sits on the sofa reading or sleeping and the kids are bored stiff. So I am considering giving up my job to spend the summer with the kids. (I am also conscious that before too long they might not want to spend time with their old mum!)

However, I am worried about what happens once they are all back at school. I have a list of things I'd like to do but I do worry I'll be bored before too long.

My husband wants 'what will make me happy' but I'm not sure what that is anymore. Please help me sort out my confused mind!

OP posts:

tethersend · 25/04/2014 14:45

How about taking (unpaid) parental leave?

I believe employees are entitled to up to five weeks... Am not sure, will have a look.

tethersend · 25/04/2014 14:47

Oops, sorry, I think the children must be under five.

Is a sabbatical an option?

Original poster

Bigsooze · 25/04/2014 14:55

Oh, I should mention... last year my MIL died and my mum had a stroke the same week. I was really struggling and spoke to my manager. He told me that they needed me full time and that if that wasn't possible then I was 'replaceable'. Delightful man... I don't think they'd go for the sabbatical idea.

OP posts:

Sunnydaysablazeinhope · 25/04/2014 15:49

Leave. Honestly. Take a gap year. Why not? It's normal now. Make your list and DO IT!

You can always get another job. Go go it. Good luck

Original poster

Bigsooze · 25/04/2014 15:53

Thanks sunny! I like your confidence. I'm 43 though - maybe no-one will ever employ me again?? Maybe when my kids are teenagers I'll be stuck at home bored to death.

I like the idea of calling it a 'gap year though'...

OP posts:

Gen35 · 25/04/2014 15:57

43? Of course you'll get another job. Could you find another holiday club or a few camps they like better though? Seems a bit of a drastic solution?

Original poster

Bigsooze · 25/04/2014 16:51

I know it's drastic (part of me really wants to spend the time with the kids though)... It's not the holiday camps they don't like (we've tried a few) it's the not knowing anyone at them. When their friends are there then they are OK with it, but very few of their friends have working mums.

OP posts:

Floralnomad · 25/04/2014 16:58

Your children will only be small once ,a job you can do at any time in the next 20 odd years .if you are bored do some volunteering or take a course or get a pt job .

Gen35 · 25/04/2014 18:04

Seems fair enough then, you'll find another job, you're not at an age you'd have to worry about it yet. Have a nice summer!

Softcookie · 01/05/2014 16:09

I understand completely. My girls are 8 and 6 and I work full time at a very busy job with little or no flexibility. I put them on the school bus at 7.30 and the nanny picks them up from school and I come home at 7/7.30 in the evenings. Dh works similar hours.

I think my kids are happy and well adjusted, our nanny is lovely, and we do yet to make up with devoting all our free time to them, but I am really struggling with how much I miss them. I feel that in a few years it'll all be over and I'll have missed these crucial years.

It's not so bad at term time as you say but when they're off school it's dreadful - I miss them and they are bored.

p/t is not an issue for various reasons... And I could quit in theory (although it would be a financial risk) but I think I'd go bonkers if I stayed home f/t and it would be v hard to go back into work after a few years.

It's a tough decision. I am miserable thinking how much I'missing out.

PortofinoRevisited · 01/05/2014 16:14

Could you get an au pair over the summer? Then they could chill at home or do trips and maybe just go to a club if their friends are there?

dottiepea · 02/05/2014 17:11

When my children were 5 & 7 I was offered voluntary redundancy, I took it and basically that was the best thing I had ever done.

I thought I would have a year off and then return to work, I did not return to work until 3 & half years later (at the ripe old age of 49). I thoroughly enjoyed my time off, I was able to take and pick the kids up from school and it was so nice not having to worry about school holidays. I enjoyed going to all the school concerts, assemblys, meetings, I made lots of friends at the school gates and got involved at school events, trips etc. Home life was a lot less stressed because I had more time to spend with the kids.

Eventually I started doing voluntary work at my childrens' school which I thoroughly enjoyed, I retrained and I'm now working at the school as a Teaching Assistant.

If you really want to take time off work and can afford to, I would say do it. I'm really glad that I did.

Original poster

Bigsooze · 07/05/2014 12:24

That sounds great dottiepea. That's what I am looking forward to - not having the guilt of missed assemblies/ meetings etc, getting to know a few more people, having a bit of me time!

I've told work of my intentions now. I'm hoping they might be able to put a bit of freelance my way, but trying not to get my hopes up. So, summer here we come. Let's hope I don't regret this...

OP posts:

dottiepea · 10/05/2014 13:23

You won't, just make the most of it, before you know it you'll be thinking how did I find the time to go to work .
I'd love to know how you get on.

DriftingOff · 11/05/2014 19:26

I have had a very similar experience to dottiepea. When I packed in work, I thought I'd get bored, lose my identity, want to go back to work etc, but I've ended up having a whale of a time. Apart from some work from home, I've no intention of going back to work until my kids are a lot older. Based on the way you describe your feelings in your posts, I don't think you'll regret it.

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