Moody boss starting to get to me, any advice please?

[Jemster]

My boss is very highly strung and has massive mood swings. I can tell as soon as I say good morning what sort of mood she's going to be in that day and it's often not a good one. I feel like I'm treading on eggshells.
She can be extremely irritable, snappy and rude. I've noticed she is like this more with me. I've worked with her for many years. Another lady has joined us, she 's been there about 6 months and I never hear my boss speaking to her like this.
I am part time but I work hard and am very committed to my job. I take pride in my work but my boss is constantly nitpicking at it. She tells me she will leave a task with me to 'own' and then a week later she'll want to get involved and pick holes in what I've done.

Yesterday she really upset me as she was in a particularly foul mood. She was hyper critical and said some unfair things. She forgets what I've told her about deadlines and other things.

She has told me she hasn't felt well for a while, think its stress related. She won't take any time off, she just comes in and is miserable.

I am quiet and hate confrontation but yesterday waa awful as she really laid into me. I don't know how to handle it as I'm too scared to tell her how she makes me feel.

Please could anyone advise me on what to do. I'm sick of her treating me like this.

Is it general criticism or is there real spite in how she speaks to you?

It's general really. She's irritable and impatient and doesn't hear any explanations, just brushes them aside. She can be nice but it's less often these days.

If it's health related, I'd be the bigger person and pretend you're concerned about her. Just ask if she's feeling ok as it's not like her to be in such a crappy mood.(although it sounds like it is)
Don't be scared of her. She can't attack you or anything.

She tells me she will leave a task with me to 'own' and then a week later she'll want to get involved and pick holes in what I've done.

Do you think when she revisits tasks she's given you she improves the outcome of them?

Does she do it in 1-2-1 meeting or in front of others?

No we usually reach the same outcome but have different methods of working. It's normally 1-2-1. It comes across that she doesn't trust me to do what are often fairly straightforward tasks. Then she complains that she has too much to do.

Then she complains that she has too much to do. - on that you can only get along, i.e. - say "Yes", nod and learn to stop thinking that she by saying that is looking for any solution.
It is her way to verbalise her worries, yet, as you said she isn't doing anything about it.

You have no control over what others are saying and doing. That's why this shouldn't affect you.
Saying that if you are a "fixer" you are like.ly to feel obliged to help - just because she made those comments in front of you/
Learning to let go will help
I am a "fixer" deep down and I know exactly what you are saying.
I used to worry if people in my company were feeling helpless and I thought I had a way to help them.
I think youy have that symptom - you say - if only she stopped trying to "help" me she would have more time for other tasks.
I guess other tasks seem to difficult for her so she concentrates where she thinks she can help.
I know, it is mad, but that perhaps is giving her feeling of being in control (as she must know your area of responsibility), she is looking for acknowledgement that she's done some good.

It took me years to learn that I can't fix others.
I can only change the way I react to what they say and how this affects me.

Counseling and reading self help articles helped. I am now very interested in Buddhism and meditation and that I feel also helps. I say "iterested" - I am not a religious, not even spiritual person but am finding buddhist teaching is helping my own insecurities and learn to overcome how actions of others affect me.

Gosh I used to work for someone like this and it was a nightmare. You have my full sympathies.

Thank you antimatter what you say makes a lot of sense. Have you learnt how to deal with this kind of behaviour? I do let it get to me probably too much but I feel
like I'm being continually criticised. I don't know how to assert myself and yet as my dh says I have no
problem doing it at home with him!

Thanks sebsmummy how did you deal with
it?

Emma?

I left the job

I think if you are looking to change the way you respond you will find it
that's where counselling may be good, even if only few sessions

it is hard to dissasociate yourself from someone who you see as being in charge

think of her as of a fellow human beeing with lots on her plate

not to pity her but with compassion

you can help her by knowing that she probably (in many ways) feels very unhappy and vulnerable

if you feel that compassion towards her you may be able to understand her and be less affected by her criticism (she is indirectly criticizing herself)

Oh god really long story.

Basically I should have left. Instead I allowed myself to become a scapegoat and ended up having to resign as my position became untenable (constructively dismissed in effect). I was blamed for things I hadn't done and unfortunately once you become someone's kicking post it doesn't matter how conscientious you are, you are on a losing wicket. Particularly since in my case the woman ran the company, or should I say her hormones did.

So I have no advice bar save yourself and find another job.

I enjoyed my job for a long time. Sometimes there was some difficulties but I worked through them.

I did a search for moody boss and this came up. This resonates with me so much.

I don't want to ever go into work again to be spoken down to like a piece of fucking dirt.

I think I am going to go into work on Monday to tie up a few bits and oue8and then I will go out 'sick' for the rest of the week. Work on my cv for the week. I am so depressed working around her. Shes awful.

Her husband is also at work a lot too and all she does is rant and give out to him and even in front of other people and me. It must be humiliating for him. I feel sorry for him.. He does his best but its never good enough for her. I see it in his face too.

She's the same way with me too. She's horrible.

Zombie!

Yes it is a zombie thread but it resonates with me so much. Nearly word for word.

Hope you've resolved your problem @SeaBoat but could you start your own thread rather than reactivating someone else's 8 year old thread which is about their problem.